I Have a Whole New Respect ...

Look, I’m not saying that I didn’t respect plumbers in the past, but I never really gave much thought to how difficult their jobs are … that is, until Saturday. We’ve had a problem with our upstairs toilet for quite a while. The insides of the toilet tank were pretty old and failing. I decided I would replace the insides of the tank with new, more up-to-date ones. I thought that MAYBE it would take a few hours tops … boy was I mistaken!

The first part of the replacement procedure was easy enough – taking out the old inside parts. I accomplished this in less than ½ hour. I’m good at breaking things, so this came naturally to me. However, actually taking off the toilet tank posed a MUCH more difficult task. Just about all the bolts and wing-nuts were rusted together, and after a few hours of spraying them with WD-40, degreasers, and anything else I could think of, I finally had to break down, buy a small hack-saw, and cut them off.

After doing this, I had to call my dad, use an even bigger hack-saw, and cut off some more bigger parts of the toilet tank. We spent another few hours with this “fun” chore before we finally got everything off of it. The box, with the new equipment was right, however. It was easy installation … however, it never mentioned anywhere on the box how difficult it would be to take the old “guts” out.

Once we installed it, we tested it … and, as luck would have it, it leaked when it flushed … which, I somehow deduced was due to the rubber gasket on the bottom … the box said that I wouldn’t need any plumber’s putty … bull-sh&t! I ended up making 4 trips to Chrome Repot that day, but after more than 9 hours, I finally got the toilet working again.

A couple of things. First, it probably would’ve been easier, had I just bought an entire new toilet and installed that. Second, for some reason, the water isn’t filling up as quickly as it was before … it takes about 10 minutes for the tank to fill up now …. So now, we are using the downstairs toilet more … oh, what a nightmare.

Some Things About me ...

Snow Elf was kind enough to tag me with these questions. I like answering questions, and these were kind of fun. Read on, and maybe you’ll learn something about me.

4 Jobs I've Had
Waterbed mattress maker
PR intern for the Philadelphia Eagles
Pet shop worker
Telemarketer (oh, I hated that one).

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over
Weird Science
Top Secret
Airplane
Anchorman

4 Places I've Lived
Mont Alto, PA
Glenolden, PA
State College, PA
Folsom, PA

4 Favorite TV Shows
The Office
Lost
My Name is Earl
24

4 Favorite Foods
pizza
tacos
Chinese food (I like a lot of them)
Buffalo Wings

4 Websites I Visit Daily
Blogs
Espn.com
Cnn.com
Wpvi.com

4 Places I Would Love to Be
The Outer Banks
The Poconos
Bavaria
Brigantine/Atlantic City

4 Favorite Colors
Blue
Gray
Red
Black

4 Names I love but would/could not use for my children
Mick
Katja
Soda (Seinfeld)
Champ

4 People to Tag
*** I never tag anybody – feel free to do this on your own if you want ***

You're afraid of What???

By the commotion that my wife was making a few nights ago, one would’ve thought that a machine-gun-toting saber-tooth tiger was loose in the house. As I was upstairs watching The Illusionist (great flick, by the way), my wife was screaming and grunting, kind of like the Tasmanian Devil. I ran down the stairs as quickly as I could, not sure of what to expect.

As I reached the living room, my wife was pale as a ghost. She exclaimed that she saw a mouse, and that I needed to find it and kill it. Being the loving husband that I am, I searched the dining room, kitchen, bathroom, and other rooms, but to no avail. I helped her upstairs … she was practically paralyzed with fear, and I told her that I would go out and buy some mouse-traps, which of course I did.

I set them up in “strategic” places in the kitchen and dining room, and assured her that if the mouse was still in the area (my wife’s shrieks probably scared the mouse half-way to China), it would be “taken care of.” Of course, as luck would have it, no mouse in the traps as of this evening, so my wife is spending tonight and probably tomorrow night at her parents’ house – the exterminator is coming on Wednesday morning.

Now, I have fears – I really don’t like bees all that much. They don’t paralyze me with fear, or cause me to defecate in my pants, but I do end up looking like Mick Jagger during one of his music videos when they fly around me (probably a topic for another time).

The fear is overwhelming to my wife – I have never seen anything like it. I wonder if as a child she had some sort of bad experience watching the Mickey Mouse Club, or something like that. Or maybe, she had a bad experience dressing up as Mighty Mouse some Halloween.

The good news is that there will be peace and quiet in the house for the next few nights, and hopefully my wife will get some sleep at her parents’ place. I wanted to see if any of you have any fears like this.

Superbad is Supergood!

I went to see Superbad on Saturday with a couple of friends and my wife … have you ever been so excited to see a movie, any movie, like when Star Wars came out? OK, I’m not comparing Superbad to Star Wars in any way. I’ve always been a big fan of comedy, and I’ve especially liked the “rated R” comedies that have graced the movie screens the last 5+ years – like Old School, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, 40 Year Old Virgin, and Knocked Up.

I heard about Superbad maybe 5 months ago – and have been eagerly anticipating it’s arrival ever since. Yesterday was the day, and ladies and gentlemen … the movie did NOT disappoint! Hands down, it is the funniest movie of the year. I was exhausted from laughing at the end of the movie, and I had trouble remembering some of my favorite lines, because … well, because there were so many.

The guy that stole the show was Michael Cera – he played Evan, one of the two main characters, along with Jonah Hill. Hopefully, you may remember Cera as the “George Michael” character in Arrested Development – he was brilliant in that show (which, by the way, was a fantastic show. I still scratch my head at the fact that a wonderfully written comedy like this can get taken off the air after only a few short seasons, while dreck like Two-and-a-Half Men, and King of Queens are still on the air … probably a subject for another blog). I don’t believe that Cera is even 20 yet, but his comedic timing is impeccable. He plays the “awkward” teen role spectacularly, and Jonah Hill was a nice “raunchy” compliment to him.

Sure, a lot of the movie is toilet humor, which may turn some of you off. But, there is a lot of “familiarity” to this movie – they captured high school life pretty well, and it seems to me that people from all generations will be able to relate. You know, things like getting invited to the cool kid’s party, trying to find a way to buy alcohol, having a difficult time trying to ask a girl out, sheer pervertedness … this is what all good teen comedies play off of, and Superbad hit it out of the park.

BTW – there was a preview for another comedy, it looks like a spoof on the Johnny Cash “Walk the Line” movie – looked pretty funny. That one’s out in December.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year ...

I know, I know – why would I say this about the dog days of August? Well, let me enlighten you. Football season is about to start, which means TV will no longer be supersaturated with ridiculous NASCAR coverage, and now will be supersaturated with everything pig-skin. Football on Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and even Thursdays … men can now get out of their “hibernation” state, and instead spend countless hours laying on the couch … wait, maybe I got that mixed up.

Anyway, not only will I be rooting on my favorite professional team, the Philadelphia Eagles, but I will also be cheering Joe-Pa’s Nittany Lions, hoping they crush Notre Dame, as well as Michigan, Ohio State, and Wisconsin. Sure, both teams will probably find a way to make me miserable, but it’s August – the season hasn’t started yet, so my hopes are as high as Lindsay Lohan right now.

On top of this, fantasy football once again will take center-stage, as we all get to “pretend” to be general managers with the hopes of winning championships and lots of money. After a disappointing last season (I took Shaun Alexander with the first pick instead of Tomlinson), I look to rebound. I certainly won’t be taking Vince Young, now that he is on the cover of Madden ’08 – I’ve learned my lesson.

Surprisingly, the Phitin’ Phillies are still hangin’ around the playoff scene, and playing good ball despite the lack of a good pitching rotation and bullpen, as well as a plethora (hey, that’s the name of my blog site) of injuries. So, on those Tuesday and Wednesday nights when there is no football, I have something to watch.

And yes, I’m still happily married … somehow.

Music to my Ears ... NOT!

A few days ago, a family member asked for a favor ... and since I can’t say no to family (sadly, no matter what, sometimes), I agreed to help out. Normally, a family favor includes assisting with computer-type issues, helping to move small furniture in or around the house, or something … er, not so difficult.

This request, however, was different. A cousin I don’t normally see very often, asked me, my brother, and my cousin-in-law to help move a piano … in 100-degree weather … with less than 1 day’s notice … about an hour away. I REALLY felt like saying no … I really did. I’m not even sure why I agreed to do this. I get this feeling that thanks to my German heritage, traditional work-ethic, and the importance I place on family, it was darn-near impossible for me to say no.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a baby-grand piano … that would’ve sucked. No, it was your basic piano that you probably saw in music class back in grade school. It wasn’t overly heavy, at least not for the 4-5 of us helping to move it. We got the piano up into the U-Haul in no-time flat. However, the destination posed a problem or two.

You see, my cousin wanted the piano in the living room of her house, brought in through the front door, which required the U-Haul to be backed-in in a precarious way – having to be maneuvered between trees, and uneven ground. It took quite a few pull-ups and back-ups (that’s what she said) to get the truck in a good position. However, we never took into account how the front door would open (oops), and my cousin’s husband had to actually basically take the door off its hinges in order for us to successfully move the piano in. It took what seemed to be 45 minutes to finally get the piano in the house, and of course, we were there much longer than I anticipated.

After leaving the house, drenched in sweat, and rather tired and thirsty, we trekked home, thinking the worst of it was over. However, since we left at around 9:00 p.m., we would have to deal with construction on I-95 North, that happened to start at … you guessed it … 9:00 p.m. Not only did we have to deal with this, but at one point, after picking up our car at my cousin-in-laws house (yeah, we car-pooled – think environment first!), we got stopped at a railroad crossing – the train was going at about 5 mph, and had about 175 cars (as a child, I would’ve been in heaven, as I loved trains back then … however, now they are more of a nuisance).

I guess I can count my blessings. First, I didn’t break the piano (I am known for my clumsiness). Second, I didn’t hurt myself (again, I’m known for this). And third, we didn’t get into any car accidents. But, the biggest blessing is, that next time I have a bunch of sh*t to move, I know who I’m calling first.

What a Workout....

My wife and I have been talking about getting a new elliptical trainer for quite a while now – ever since our “Gazelle” broke. I’ve been using a rowing machine we have, but I hate it, and my wife really wants a workout that challenges her. We did some research, and decided to buy the Pro Form (http://www.sears.com/sr/javasr/product.do?cat=Ellipticals&pid=00628643000&vertical=FIT&subcat=Standard+Strides&BV_UseBVCookie=Yes) from Sears.

Being “savvy” shoppers that we are, we decided to take a ride down to Delaware, the home of tax-free shopping, to purchase the elliptical. Normally, this is a 20-minute ride for us, but, as luck would have it, PennDot was once again doing construction on I-95, near the airport. This seems to be an annual occurrence, and one would think that PennDot would have so much practice, that they would eventually get it right … but that’s never my luck. They decided to turn the heavily-traveled airport area from a 3-lane to a 1-lane highway, causing a backup that stretched for miles.

Luckily, I knew other ways to get to Delaware … unfortunately, so did everyone else, which meant that the route 1 bypass was also clogged. The 20-minute ride ended up taking me well over an hour. But, to not pay taxes on a $350.00 machine seemed worth it. We finally got there, purchased the machine, loaded it into the car, and made our way back home.

However, once we unloaded the box, brought it in, and started unpacking the pieces, we came to a realization … namely, that the machine we had purchased was already broken … I kind of got the feeling that they sold us one that was already opened before. The main part of the machine was cracked badly, and pieces that had cracked off littered the bottom of the box. We were NOT happy.

My wife called Sears, and talked to one of the sales people – she was hoping that they would come out and deliver a new one for us … and although the customer service was really friendly, they weren’t willing to do that. They did say that they would give us a discount on the machine if we brought it back and picked up another one … of course, we weren’t too thrilled about traveling out there again with I-95 being all screwed up.

We decided to go Sunday morning, and hopefully beat the traffic. But, as luck would have it, I-95 was already backed up again the next morning. My alternate route, however, was clear sailing, and we made it there in about 40 minutes, got our new machine, came back home, and assembled it in about an hour. I’ve already used it twice, and I’m sore as hell … hey, at least it’s working, right?

Memories, Part 3

So, I was reminiscing some more about my childhood – don’t worry, I’m not having a mid-life crisis … at least I don’t think I am. Anyway, I found this really cool website about all things 1980’s, and it has an entire section on toys from the 1980’s. It’s called inthe80s.com. I did some searches on some of my favorite (and least favorite) toys:

1. Mr. Quarterback – here is the description of the toy: The device used like a catapult so that you could catch your own football. Just cock the arm back, set the timer, and run a few feet forward.

Literally, that’s all you could do, run about 5 feet forward, and catch this plastic football. Of course, they made the commercial sound so cool, and Roger Staubach even endorsed it. I remember them saying that Mr. Quarterback could throw the ball up to 25-yards. What a load of crap – the only way this could happen is if it was throwing the ball down hill, and you allowed the football to bounce.



2. The Green Machine - A lime-green variant of the big wheel did without handlebars and front-wheel steering in favor of two levers attached by metal rods to a pivoting rear axle. By pulling one lever all the way back and slamming the other forward, you could spin the green machine out--impossible on a big wheel. There was also a variant of the green machine called the "Blue Max."

Oh my god – this was the king of big wheels. I wanted one of these so bad, and my parents never let me get one. I had that stupid orange one … it was like a pinto compared to the Green Machines that both my cousins got.


3. Barrel O’ Monkeys – Little plastic monkeys that hooked together at the elbow

Much like army-men, these plastic apes came in, you guessed it, a barrel. There really wasn’t anything really exotic about them, but it seemed like all kids had them.


4. Crossbows and Catapults - You had a place mat with an emblem of treasure. You had to build a castle around the treasure using little plastic bricks. Each team had a crossbow, or a catapault that launched these coin-looking things at the opponent's castle. The first team to land their team's coin inside of the castle won.

My friends and I played this for hours. I remember wanting this so badly for Christmas, and there were some news stations that compared the popularity of this to the Cabbage Patch Kids … but somehow, my mom (or Santa) got this game for me … one of my favorite games of all time as a kid.


5. Magic Rock Garden - Put these little rocks into an old mayonaise jar and add water. Little stalagtites and stalagmites would grow from the top and bottom of the jar.

My mom never let me get these … I always loved the commercials for it.

Memories, Part 2

Ah, the month of August is upon us. In keeping with my “reminiscing” theme, this was the point of time in the summer when mom would take me to Woolco (later – Kmart) to buy supplies for school. It would be time to find a new backpack – one that would withstand all of the books, notebooks and other crap I would force into it for around 9 months. Then, there would be the search for the perfect trapper keeper – one that was either plan, or had some sort of cool Garfield or Superfriends design on it. Time to find pencils, pens, notebooks, and folders. Time to go to Clover, and/or the Springfield Mall to find cool-clothes to wear for the upcoming school year (I’m guessing this is not as big of a deal anymore, because many schools are going with the “school uniforms.”

It was also time for soccer practice to start … yes, I was (am?) a soccer geek. In high school, we started our training for the upcoming soccer season in early August. We would practice in the mornings and afternoons for weeks leading up to the school year. Sure, it was really tough work, and at the time, I would’ve rather been swimming or sleeping, but I trudged through it. The smell of freshly cut grass will always remind me of that soccer field next to Interboro high school, where I would spend most of my time during the dog days of August.

I particularly remember the jump from middle school to high school. I heard such horror stories about rampant drug use, that I expected drug dealers at every hallway corner … which was never the case. I remember thinking I wasn’t ready for high school, and how classes would be infinitely harder. True, the classes were harder, but they weren’t that much harder.

I also remember thinking about all the new students I would meet (we had four other middle schools feeding into our high school), and getting anxious about meeting new girls. A range of emotions went through me – at one point I would be very excited, at another point, I’d be quite scared … I’d be sad that the days of Glenolden school would be over, and at times be happy about the same thing (if that makes any sense). The anticipation was probably the hardest part of the entire process.

Memories ....

A friend of mine and I were talking just the other day about “days gone by.” Yep – we were reminiscing about the past … tends to happen in the summer time for me. Remember those days when school let out? How great was it that school didn’t start up for what seemed to be an eternity (of course, the summer always seemed to fly by anyway, right?).

Growing up, I spent most of my summer days at the Glenolden pool – a public pool where many of my friends also congregated. I’ve probably blogged about this before, but screw it. Every day, we’d get down there around noon, take a swim, play basketball or wiffleball, then go back and swim, maybe play drain tag or underwater tag – ah, just a spectacular way to spend the summer days.

My friend and I talked about the splash parties (pre-teen, and teen) that the pool used to hold. It was there as a pre-teen when I first saw two people making out during one of the movies that was showing. We all joked that we were getting to see a double feature (yeah, I know, a stupid joke – but at the time, we thought we were funnier than Bob Hope).

Usually, at night, we would walk around the neighborhood, and meet up with friends from the pool, maybe play some flashlight tag, or play Nintendo (or Commodore 64, or Atari, depending on the year). I remember on a few occasions how we wished we were adults, because we’d have so much more that we could do … sigh. If only we knew better.

Fast Food, My A$$!

I’ve gone on a fast-food rant in the past, but it had to deal with drive-thru’s. Well, I got one for when actually ordering inside a fast food restaurant. My wife and I went to KFC on Sunday because we were in the mood for some “finger-lickin’.” Service was predictably slow, and there was a long line – it took us about 20 minutes to get our food – fast food, my a$$.

However, that’s not what my rant is about. There were these three older ladies in front of us, and they too had to wait in line. One would think that whilst in line, you would generally look up at the menu and get a general idea of what you want. Nope, not these mental midgets. They looked at the menu as if it was printed in Chinese, and they couldn’t get the handle of the “intricate” value meal numbering provided by KFC. Fast food companies “invented” this so that it would be easier to order. However, to some, there is absolutely nothing that could make ordering easy.

The first lady asked if the “Number 1 chicken breast meal” included a chicken breast. I kid you not. After the cashier informed her that it did indeed include a chicken breast, he asked her what sides she wanted. You would’ve thought the guy asked her to take pi to the 23rd digit. She was flabbergasted, and for a time, I thought she was going to pass out … no such luck. The second lady faired even worse, ordering the number 5, and when asked if she wanted a thigh or a leg, I could hear gurgling originating in her head. It was much the same with the third lady.

On the way home from KFC, my wife proclaimed that these ladies, in their advanced age, had to have gone to a fast food restaurant prior to this, and if they can’t order by this time, they shouldn’t be allowed back. I wondered out loud if there was some sort of training available for customers who are incapable of placing orders at fast food restaurants.

D'Oh!

The Simpsons Movie comes out this Friday …. No, not another documentary about the whole O.J. saga, but the one on the cartoon that features that loveable dad, and the son who constantly says “Ay-Caramba.” Obviously, the Simpsons are much more than that, and have been a large part of our fabric as a country (planet?) for a very long time.

I remember (as most of you probably do) when the Simpsons were just a small segway on the Tracey Ullman show back in the mid-to-late 1980’s. They were funny, and hip, but who would’ve thought then that they could become what they have now? I certainly didn’t. I didn’t think the show could possibly be stretched to ½ hour. I was proven wrong when they released their first Christmas (or holiday) special, prior to the actual tv show – the one where they end up adopting Santa’s Little Helper. I remember being so excited, and couldn’t wait to watch the special.

I became a huge Simpsons fan early on – watching the tv show every Sunday night (in addition to watching Married … With Children). I kept to this ritual for quite a few years, and though I’m not as hard-core about the Simpsons as I once was, I know that I can turn the show on anytime and get a good laugh (I’m much more partial to Family Guy at this point than I am to the Simpsons).

I’ll probably go out and see the movie at some point, and I bet it will be very successful. I’ve already had one friend contact me and ask me to go see it on Friday (opening night) – that is one thing I won’t do. I guess I’m getting too old (crotchety), because I really just don’t feel like dealing with the crowd … Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the Simpsons movie is more than worth it, but it’s just not something I feel like subjecting myself to.

Anyway, I just wanted to gauge what your thoughts, feelings, memories, or favorite Simpsons moments are … if you have any.

Why Do Some Weekends Have To End?

You ever have one of those weekends you wish would never end? Yep – this past weekend was one of them. First of all, for me, it was a three-day weekend, which is a good start.

Thursday night after work, a group of us went to the Police concert at Citizen’s Bank Park – I’ve always wanted to see these guys, and they didn’t disappoint. Sure, some of the songs had to be done in a different key than the original – that’s kind of what happens when you get older. But, these guys still know how to rock. I was surprised at just how good of a guitarist Andy Summers is, it never really did come across on their studio albums, but the guy can shred. Mr. Copeland was awesome, as I expected he would be. And, Sting’s basework is often forgotten (thanks to his adult contemporary music). And mother nature spared us, as it was threatening to rain all day, and even did drizzle a little while we were tailgating, but that was it.

On Friday, I spent most of the day doing house-work so that I could have the rest of the weekend to myself. This wasn’t much fun, as can be expected, but I did manage to come away with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that this would be all the work I’d be doing for the rest of the weekend. On Friday night, my friend Slant and I went down to Barnaby’s for happy hour, and discussed all kinds of topics, from Sesame Street to 80’s music. We were both miffed that Big Bird was looked at as kind of a lunatic when we were growing up – none of the adults ever saw his friend Snuffleupagus (sp), even though he was a 10,000 pound mastodon. Additionally, we couldn’t believe that Cookie Monster was now eating fruits and vegetables, and we considered writing the fine folks at the Children’s Television Workshop, and asking them to rename him “Waldorf Salad Monster.” I also “discovered” that my first foray into reggae music was through Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long,” and UB40’s “Red, Red Wine.” Move over, Peter Tosh!

On Saturday, my friend Yon invited us down to Long Beach Island – he rented a place there for the week. The weather was perfect – not too warm, nice breeze, and sunny – the best ingredients for a beach day. I, of course, got burned because I still haven’t learned the finer techniques of applying sun-screen to all parts of my body (I have blotches of redness on my arms). Saturday evening, another good friend of ours and his girlfriend came down, and we ordered some really good seafood – ate it on the deck whilst drinking Long Island Iced Teas (or Long Beach Island Iced Teas). Then, we ended up playing some drinking games, and Yon got so hammered he ended up wearing somebody’s bikini (thanks to a rule in A$$hole).

Nothing exciting really happened on Sunday – just the ending of a great week (and the ruing of the week to come).

Dog-Gone It!

Let me first apologize for blogging about another “sports” topic.

With that said, the Michael Vick saga took another turn yesterday, as it was reported he has now been indicted. In case you are unaware of who Michael Vick is, he is the quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons (American Football), and has been one of the more popular players in recent years – appearing in all sorts of commercials and ads.

He was indicted the other day on charges having to do with raising, fighting, and killing pit bulls – it is a VERY grotesque “sport” that, even though illegal, is apparently popular down south. You can find out more about this story by going here: http://edition.cnn.com/2007/US/law/07/18/vick/index.html.

Two of the main arguments supporting Vick are as follows. First, because he was raised down south, he grew up with this stuff, so he really didn’t know better. To me, that’s about as logical as eating crackers when you’re thirsty. One must understand that when one is a celebrity or superstar athlete, one is a role model whether one likes it or not. Mr. Vick, just because you have made a lot of money in the NFL, this does not make you invincible and above the law. I think there are many athletes (and stars) with this ridiculous mindset. Mr. Vick, you HAD to know that this would probably cause some trouble if anyone ever found out. I mean, the guy was making money hand over fist. Why risk it on something this demented, sick, and potentially damaging? Aren’t money and fame, not to mention your teammates, important enough to you, that when presented with this “endeavor,” you would decide against it? Am I giving you too much credit for this? Are you really this stupid, ignorant, and crazy?

The second argument deals with racisim. There are quite a few out there that believe that if this happened to say, Joe Montana, the public would treat it differently – give Joe a pass (no pun intended). Seriously? Do you really think that’s what the public would do? I can only speak for myself when I say I would shun the guy, and I’m guessing the vast majority of the population would be with me on this one. Do you think that Al Sharpton is trying to figure a way to get in on this, without “tarnishing” his image? Me too.

And I know that Vick hasn’t been proven guilty by anybody on this yet. However, when the government gets involved, you know they (a) have enough evidence to move forward, and (b) when they do indict somebody (like they did with Vick), they have a 95% success rate in court. Those odds aren’t too shabby, are they?

I feel bad for the Falcons – I mean, they just got rid of Schaub, and now they will most likely have to bank on Joey Harrington this season – looks like they may be on the clock for the 2008 draft.

A Fantastic Milestone!!!!!

As a Phillies fan, I couldn’t help but blog about this happening. My beloved Phitin’s have become the first professional sports team in the United States (no, I’m not counting the Generals who play the Globetrotters), and probably the world, to lose 10,000 games – the team has basically ignored the accomplishment, although I think management probably would’ve endeared itself to the fans had it decided to do something creative – not sure what that could have been, but ignoring it was wrong, in my mind.

Here’s the thing – this ball club can’t even lose correctly. The Phils had a chance to lose their 10,000th game on Friday the 13th – would there have been anything more poetic than that? Nope, they decided to win on Friday and Saturday … and then, instead of waiting until the west-coast trip to lose, they end up getting clobbered on the last day of the homestand … ugh! I hear that ticket stubs from this game are being sold on E-bay – what a country!

Now, this current ownership isn’t responsible for all 10,000 losses – in fact, the past few years, the team has done pretty well, finishing above .500. The Phillies had their heyday of suckiness in the early 20th century, when they managed to have 30 losing seasons in 31 years – how does a professional sports franchise survive with that kind of apathy, anyway? This is the main reason why this team has so many losses.

However, this management has refused to do enough to push this team into the playoffs, whether it is offseason acquisitions, or trading deadline maneuvers to give them a better shot at the playoffs. Their minor league system is god-awful, which helps to explain why the Phils have such a horrible pitching staff, and why Jose Mesa still has a job.

The crying shame of it is that they have a really good nucleus of players – Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Aaron Rowand, Shane Victorino, and Cole Hammels to name a few. But, there are, and have always been, far too many holes that continue to be neglected. What is the normal response we get from management? “If we were healthy, it would be a different story.” Ha – every team goes through injuries every year. The Phils make a habit of using this excuse.

Their P.R. staff (run by ownership) constantly neglects the fans – David Montgomery (the mouthpiece of the organization) seems to be crying and pointing fingers more than T.O. did when he was in Philly. Management never seems to take responsibility, and that is why there is a disconnect with the fans (that and 1 championship in the 125-year history).

Our only real hope at this point is that the woeful ownership group that currently is holding the team hostage decides to sell the team, and the new owner brings in some real baseball minds who know a thing or two about running a ballclub from bottom to top. Now, I know that Jeff will defend the Phillies when he responds here, and that’s fine – they have had a lot of good prospects come up in recent years. But, the pitching staff, with the exception of Hammels and maybe Lieber, has been a joke. The catcher spot and third base haven’t been much better. Come the trade deadline, the Phils will really have nothing to offer other clubs.

But, I digress …. Congrats to the Phils for being “The Team to Beat,” and for beginning their second 10,000 losses with another clunker last night!

Tour De Wha?

Not sure if anybody noticed, but the Tour De France is going on. What a mess of a sport cycling has become – the NHL thinks they are handling things poorly. Nobody can seem to figure out how to test for steroids, how many times cyclists should be tested, how to keep tests clean … sometimes it seems like Major League Baseball is following the policy of professional cycling.

I apologize first of all, because I have no idea if there is a “league” for professional cycling – the sport just doesn’t interest me. I mean, sure, I got caught up in the Lance Armstrong phenomena every summer at this time for the past bunch of years, and yeah, I was excited when Landis won last year, especially since he’s sort of a local guy. But the circus that followed this, and continues almost one year later, is just ridiculous. It seems like every year, we hear about some sort of doping scandal in cycling.

Here’s the thing, when there are no U.S. favorites in the Tour De France, nobody really cares about cycling (or at least the masses don’t). Add this big controversy/scandal to the mix, and this sport is in real danger of reaching WNBA status, if it hasn’t already. And, I’m not trying to belittle what these guys do. Just reading about the Tour De France makes me exhausted – one must be in the best possible physical condition to even finish this course.

And with professional athletes having this huge competitive streak in them, some may look for some sort of advantage. I know, this probably happens in every sport … but at least the four major ones are INTERESTING. I tried watching some of the Tour De France on Versus (awful station, by the way), and after 30 seconds, I began sensing that this was a waste, and I could find many better ways to spend my time.

So, with that said, what do you guys think about the Tour De France? Has this event reached the point where it will never again be popular in the U.S.? Are many of the problems related to it being held in France and run by the French?

I am Man!!!!!!

On Sunday morning, as I got into my car on my way to Target, I noticed something wrong with my car – as luck would have it, I had somehow acquired a flat tire … and this sucker was all the way flat … not a little flat or anything like that, but FULL BLOWN FLAT. What a pain in the keester. I had a minature air compressor in my car, and decided to try blowing this tire up … and I did manage to get some air in there … enough to get me to the gas station up the street, where I proceeded to fill it up fully. The leak, thankfully, was a slow leak – I was able to make it to Wal Mart, purchase some Fix-a-Flat, and fill my tire with it – thankfully, I bought two, because the first one exploded onto me (the tube, for some reason was weak) – and I was able to give some fellow shoppers a good laugh.

I monitored the tire, and for the most part, the leak was controlled. I was hoping the tire would last me until the weekend, where I wouldn’t have to waste any work time taking care of the situation … and for a few days, the tire was fine … until Wednesday evening, on the ride home from work …. In the middle of a nice rain shower … in blistering heat and humidity. The tire finally gave, and the air compressor was no longer providing any relief … I immediately called roadside assistance, as I didn’t want to go to the trouble of changing my tire in the weather conditions … and probably because I’ve never actually changed a tire by myself before. Roadside assistance would take an hour to get to me … I knew what I had to do … BECOME A MAN!First, I read the owner’s manual, and found the jack and spare tire. Next, I loosened all the bolts except for one … this bolt was different than the rest, and I couldn’t figure out where the tool was to use on this. It took me another 20 minutes to actually find this tool – nope, not in the emergency kit … nope, not anywhere else in the trunk … let me check the emergency kit again … nope, not in the first aid kit. Finally, I looked in the glove compartment, and to my surprise, I found the tool! I loosened that bolt as well, put the jack in place, and jacked up the car. I removed the flat, replaced it with the spare, and was on my way … it took me about 10 minutes, after I figured everything out.

Was I pissed about the flat tire and weather conditions? You betcha. But, as I continued my journey home, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and pure manliness … almost making the entire ordeal worth it … almost.

A Good Fit?

A few weeks ago, my friend Slant and I were on our way to Baltimore to meet up with our friend Mung for our fabulous weekend in Cleveland. We were listening to both Volume 1 and 3 of the Traveling Wilbury’s. In case you’ve never heard of this band, all I have to do is mention the members and you’ll get an idea of them (or, you could go to Amazon.com and read up on them): Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, and Roy Orbison … of course, Orbison died after Volume 1 …

For some reason, Slant and I remember that there were some rumors out there that the Wilbury’s were going to replace Orbison for Volume 3, and go on tour … which probably would’ve been one of the coolest things ever to happen … anyway, I’ll present some of these rumored replacements with my opinions – please, add any others you’d like (past, present, or future … or at least newer than the remaining Wilbury’s).

Paul McCartney – Certainly, royalty when it comes to rock and roll, and his voice would’ve replaced Orbison’s heavenly voice admirably. However, McCartney is far too “poppy” for the Wilbury’s, and his guitar work, although pretty good, can’t match up to any of the remaining members.

John Fogerty – The guy is a folk/country icon, and probably would’ve fit in nicely with his writing style and guitar play … not sure how his screaming voice would’ve played into the Wilbury’s, since they already have Petty.

Keith Richards – Without a doubt, his songwriting and guitar work would’ve been a perfect fit … however, the Wilbury’s already had Bob Dylan’s raspy voice, probably didn’t need another one in Richards’.

Eric Clapton – Probably the most sensible choice – the guy is a wizard with the guitar, could add a nice bluesy touch to the country and folk, and certainly his voice, although not as high as Orbison’s, is distinct and classic enough, that he could’ve pulled this off.

Pete Townsend – A gifted songwriter and guitarist, I just don’t know whether Pete could pull off a convincing country/folk sound. I mean, I think the closest the Who ever got to a country sound was Squeeze Box, right?

Roger Waters – He would’ve added an interesting psychedelic touch to the Wilbury’s, but if they really wanted to go that way, they already had Harrison in the band.

Jimmy Page – The guy would’ve been the R&B backbone of this band, and probably would’ve given it some added muscle … however, his voice is less than good, so he probably wouldn’t have fit very well.

Eddie Vedder – He was fresh and new at the time, and as far as song writers go, he would’ve been excellent. His sound was a good match too, but his guitar play isn’t up to standard with these guys.

Neil Young – Another great song writer, with a good folk-hard edged sound, and a really cool guitarist … but he just seemed a little to hyper and unsettled for these guys.

Roger McGuinn – Great guitarist, good lyricist, and certainly a nice folksy background, but he sounds almost exactly like Petty.

I Wouldn't Be More Surprised If I Woke Up With my Head Stapled to the Carpet ...

A friend of mine just sent me this picture which is going on sale on Ebay for $10,000. I know, I know – I try not to blog too much about Barry Bonds, but after seeing this, I couldn’t resist. I mean, seriously – at this point, is there any doubt that Bonds has probably plugged himself with more steroids than a champion race horse … or a Tour De France winner? This picture is priceless – I think $10,000 is far too low a price.

But, that’s not the only reason I chose to blog about Barry. He was somehow voted in as a starter for the NL all-stars this season. Obviously, those San Francisco fans stuffed the ballots more than Central American politicians, my friends. It is a crying shame that he got voted in, and not because he’s a cheater (although that’s reason enough). Ladies and gentleman, the biggest reason why he shouldn’t have been voted in was that his stats were not all-star quality. But, since the all-star game is being held in San Francisco this year, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if the MLB “helped” in his selection.

But that’s ok – karma has a way of evening things out. One would figure that Bonds would be more than willing to appease his own hometown fans by participating in the home-run derby, right? Nope – ol’ melon-head decided that he was too good for that. When questioned about it, he basically said that thrilling his hometown fans really didn’t matter to him, and he could do whatever the hell he wants to. Great work, Barry. Burn you last bridge. I hope those fans finally see you for what you are.

In the meantime, does anybody have $10,000 that they wouldn’t mind giving to me?

How I Spent My Fourth ...

A good friend of mine, Yon, called me up the other night and asked if I wanted to go with him to the Moorestown parade, in New Jersey. I’m not big on parades, but I haven’t really seen his place in New Jersey, and it gave me something to do. I was on the fence about it, but he sold it like a used car salesman, telling me things like “Moorestown was voted best small town in America” by some magazine a few years ago, and that this parade “would have floats, fancy cars, and great food.” What the heck, I thought.

I got to his place around 9:30, and we walked to the center of Moorestown … something he left out was that the center of town was around a 30-minute walk … not a big deal, I could use the exercise. When we got there, the place was packed with families – which is what I expected. Unfortunately, I didn’t expect a 20-minute “parade” which featured an old fire engine, and the mayor of Moorestown riding down in a convertible Corvette. Some of the highlights:

* The Moorestown running club marching down the street, with three of its members holding up billboards that had shoes glued to them that spelled out R-U-N. Every once in a while, the coach would do a figure 8 jog, with the other members following suit … thank goodness they did this, because I would never have known what running was.

* Some kind of a folk band on the back of a flat-bed playing “Camptown Races.” I’m not sure how the black population felt about this … I would’ve expected another selection.

* Everyone who drove their Corvettes in the parade … not sure what they were getting at, but these weren’t your classic Corvettes … just regular run of the mill ones.

That’s really it for the highlights of the actual parade. Even Yon admitted that it was lame. We walked to the park, hoping the town would redeem itself … boy were we in for disappointment. We get there, and hardly anything is set up, with the exception of a stage, which would probably once again welcome the “Camptown Racers.” There was stand where the local Lion’s Club was giving away free hot dogs … problem was that they were cold … and I don’t mean luke-warm, either. After about another 10 minutes, Yon suggested we go to the movies, which was fine by me – I had it up to my gills with “Small-town America.”

The movie we saw was “License to Wed,” a movie featuring Mandy Moore, John Krazinski, and Robin Williams – this was the only movie playing at the time we got there. Shockingly, the movie wasn’t bad, and Robin Williams was actually sort of funny. It’s not one I’d recommend going to see, but definitely one to watch when it hits cable in a few months.

So, that was it. Now, it’s raining, so we probably won’t go out and see any fireworks – probably we’ll just hang out and watch some movies. It’s weird when the 4th of July is on a Wednesday – can’t really drink too much, because I have work tomorrow. I think they should celebrate Independence day on the Friday of the week of the 4th of July … that’s probably a subject for another blog posting, though.