Los and Restaurants ...

Growing up in my family, I was very sheltered when it came to food and cooking. It really was only the basics for me – you know, hot dogs, burgers, chicken (usually cooked the same way), gray steak (long story) roast beef, and some specific German cuisine like Goulash, and Ruladen. Heck, I didn’t evey try Chinese food until I was off in college, and the closest I got to Mexican food for the longest time was Taco Bell.

My wife was probably mortified at the lack of diversity in the foods I ate (and really, continue to eat). I prefer noodles over rice and potatoes (with the exception of French Fries). I like a traditional breakfast that is made up of bacon, eggs (scrambled, over easy, or hard boiled), and toast – I really don’t like to stray too far from there (sure, pancakes are ok).

My wife loves to discover and experiment with new foods. Anytime a new restaurant opens, she’s excited to go and sample the menu. I, on the other hand, really just want to either eat bar food, or schlep to a chain restaurant that has steak, burgers, or crabs on the menu. Without a doubt, this frustrates my wife. I’ve gotten a little better over the years – for instance, I actually enjoy sushi to an extent (still, I’m hungry after eating sushi). I’ll give anything a chance, though.

With that said, here are a couple of things that I try to steer away from when picking a restaurant to go to:

* Any restaurant featuring anything braised, seared, or glazed. There’s a really good chance I won’t like it. I want the waiter to ask me how I want that meat cooked (medium, medium well, well done, etc.). I don’t want any other options. That’s just me, I guess.

* Any restaurant with a number as its name. For instance, a new restaurant named “19” opened in the city – that’s way too trendy and classy for me.

* If the restaurant name is a color that I'm not familiar with. See the above reason.

* If the restaurant menu features ham – good chance I’ll hate it. As many of you know, I have a ham anti-fetish.

* If the restaurant has some trendy decorations, like lots of curtains all over the walls. I think I feel suffocated with is layout.

* If the restaurant has entirely too many candles as the lighting, and I can't really read anything. In addition to not being able to read, I have trouble seeing what I’m eating (I need this!).

* If the restaurant is located in center city and has valet parking. Without a doubt, this type of restaurant did not have me in mind when it was created.

* If the restaurant has a strict dress code. Now, I don’t mind putting on slacks or Khakis, but I HATE eating food with a tie on.
* If the restaurant’s menu is in a language that I don't know. Good chance I won’t like very much on the menu with the exception of the bread.

* If the restaurant serves alcohol, but not beer. Way too stuffy for me.

* If the restaurant’s music consists of a live band consisting of violinists. Way too stuffy again. Plus, I feel like I have to be on my best behavior … and that’s way too much like work.

* If it takes more than an hour to get my food. I go to a restaurant to eat … not to sit there and get even more hungry.

* If the restaurant’s entrée' has more show than actual food. I’ve been to a couple of places in which it seems like presentation is more important than the actual quality and amount of the food on the plate. I’m sorry, but if I’m still hungry after I eat, that’s not good.

* If a restaurant’s chicken salad has grapes, apples or raisins in it. I’m very traditional with this – chicken salad was not meant to have fruit in it … end of story.

* If the restaurant opens for breakfast on weekends, but does not serve toast. This happened to me about 7 years ago in …. Surprise, surprise … Center City, Philadelphia. I ordered my breakfast and asked if toast was being served … the waitress gave me some sort of crazed look like I had asked her to was my scrotum.



These are just a few of my restaurant thoughts …