Mr. Trendy ...

I may or may not have blogged about this before – so if I did, I apologize. My wife and I got into talking about my parents – specifically my mom. When I was growing up, my mom often dressed in weird outfits, such as lederhosen, and plaid suits that Danny Terio probably wouldn’t even wear. As an aside (or not), my parents have always been frugal with money – this is what happens when you grow up in Germany during World War 2, and the massive depression that followed.

Anyway, because of this, the clothes my mom got me tended to be on the … let’s say … cheaper side. I’m pretty sure my parents could’ve afforded much better clothes for their kids at this point, but sometimes frugality sticks with you. And hey, my parents are awesome, and have done a lot for me over the years, so I can’t hardly hold it against them. And besides, they have produced some gut-busting stories.

Well, I decided to do a search to see if I could find any information on some of these “brand-name” clothes and shoes my mom would buy for me. I stumbled across something sort of interesting – another blogger had blogged about one of my blog posts about these weird brands (he did this in November, 2006). I was kind of flattered by this – and I wish I would’ve known about this complement back then! Here’s the site – you need to scroll to the bottom to see the reference to me: http://www.namedevelopment.com/blog/archives/2006/11/default.html

Sadly, I couldn’t find any pictures of Smacks Jeans, Uncle Charlies pants, or Big Yanks corduroys. I also couldn’t find any pics of the red Copa 83 sneakers, or the $4.00 brown Nado Super Primos kicks my mom was able to find at a local grocery store. But, I did remember a few other “interesting” stories. For instance, my mom bought me a few pairs of “Traxx” sneakers from K-mart back in the day. Not only couldn’t they spell the damn name right, they had that ridiculous Velcro strap (as opposed to the shoelaces that normal sneakers require). You can probably imagine the coolness that oozed from me as I walked the middle school hallways in my Smacks jeans and Traxx kicks.

It didn’t stop there. Remember those Kangaroos sneakers – you know, the ones with the zippers on the side? What a novel idea! You could fit about 2 quarters in those pockets, if you were lucky … and you know what, I did. I would go to the arcades, and instead of putting the money in my pant pockets, which would’ve been much easier, I stuck them in my sneakers, so I would have to bend all the way over and unzip them in order to get quarters to play the arcade games … basically, stretching the limits of my Uncle Charlies brown pants. I’m surprised I wasn’t shoved in lockers back at school. Now, in researching on the internet, it seems that the “Roos” are still pretty popular in certain parts of the world …maybe I was a trend-setter, or something … probably not.

Rodenticide ...

So, you may or may not have heard about our little mouse problem we’ve had for the past 4 months or so. If not, basically, my wife saw a mouse walk across our living room floor, she freaked (Mariah Carey was jealous on how high my wife was able to scream), stayed over her parents’ place for 2 days, called an exterminator, and paid the guy $500 to tell us that he didn’t see any mice ..., oh, he did put some traps around the place (basically, just little boxes with poison in them), and gave us some advice on how to “secure” our house.

In the past 4 months, we’ve seen a mouse on a handful of occasions, which, of course prompted the same glass shattering yelp from my wife. One time, I was so fed up with the mouse, that I got a hammer, and started hammering the closet floor in the hopes of splattering the varmint. I missed him, he took off down the hall, and my glasses flew from my face. Thankfully, this moment of comedy was enough to calm my wife down.

We hadn’t seen the mouse since … until last night. We were in our basement after a busy night of hanging with family and friends (two different get-togethers). We had just gotten new furniture for our basement (my wife says our basement no longer looks like a college dorm … sigh). We were hanging our, unwinding, watching some tv, listening to some music, and having a few final beers. My wife initially noticed a foul odor coming from behind the bar … weird, because I was nowhere near there. I went back there too, and smelled it – I immediately thought that our mouse friend had finally kicked the bucket, but we couldn’t locate him (I thought that maybe he died underneath the bar).

I went back and sat on the couch, while my wife continued inspecting … then, she unfortunately found it … I could tell because of the blood that was flowing from my ears thanks to a shriek that wolves in the Poconos could hear (eminating from the throat of my wife). The mouse had indeed died, but that wasn’t the funny thing (wait, is that even funny?). The location of where the mouse did was ironic, and quite hysterical. The critter kicked the bucket on the picture of ham that my friends at Lockheed had purchased for me (it wasn’t on the wall, because my wife had accidentally knocked it off the wall a few months ago). It goes to prove my point about how disgusting ham is.

Other Things ...

A few more fleeting thoughts …

1. One morning/afternoon, after a long night of drink….er, I mean, studying, a few of my college roommates/friends and I went down to a diner to eat a late breakfast. One of my “intelligent beyond his years” roommates quipped that he thought it would be a great idea if somebody developed a nutrient enriched beer. The rest of us grunted and snorted, as we emptied the breakfast contents of our plates down our collective gullets. None of us thought this was a particularly good, or interesting idea, at the time.

Sure, we still haven’t seen a nutrient enriched beer hit the market (might be a good thing, because I would probably die of being too fit, if that were the case), but Coke has a nutrient enriched cola on the market now. Aside from it being one step closer to the aforementioned beer, where the hell was this idea when I was a 2-3 can soda junkie back when I was a teenager?


2. A few of my friends scoffed at me for rooting for the Giants in the Super Bowl last weekend … basically saying that I wasn’t a real Eagles fan if I rooted for the Giants. In all honesty, I was more rooting against the Patriots (check), and also rooting for an entertaining football game (double check). Now that Jeremy Shockey is hurt, the Giants are a lot easier to root for, even with their annoying fans (hey, they’re a lot like us … without the heartache and heartburn of never winning a Super Bowl). I think the ultimate culprit in the Patriots’ loss was the Patriots (Karma played a humiliating game of testicle tennis with them).


3. Is anybody else giving anything substantial up for Lent? I always have a tough time picking something, and once again, I don’t think I’m really giving anything up for Lent. I know, I know, I probably should, but hey – isn’t this part of the Catholic religion? I’m a Lutheran, which means that I am a natural slacker.

4. Speaking of being Lutheran, we don’t quite celebrate Ash Wednesday, certainly not like some religions, in which one gets ash put on his/her forehead, resembling a cross. I always forget about this, and am initially shocked when I see people walking around looking as if somebody decided to put out his/her cigarette on their skull.

More Stuff ....

A few more random thoughts …

1. I loved the Super Bowl – I’m not a fan of either team, but that was one heckuva 4th quarter – sometimes, that’s all you can ask for.

2. The writers’ appears to be almost over, thankfully. Unfortunately, it took some casualties already … like the second half of The Office, 24, and about ½ of the Lost episodes. It seems like these shows have been replaced by yet even more reality shows … book sales must be up, though.

3. Was it me, or did it look as if Tom Petty is slowly starting to morph into Bob Dylan. Petty put on a decent half-time show, but the man has about as much stage presence as bird gravel.

4. Super Tuesday came and went … you know, maybe I don’t pay enough attention to politics, but has Super Tuesday always been a big deal? I’m waiting for Tostitos to buy the rights to this.

5. The Super Bowl commercials were a let-down as usual. There were a few funny commercials, though – like the one with Alice Cooper and Richard Simmons, or the Pepsi commercial with Christ Kattan, or the e-trade commercial with the baby that puked. I bet the sponsors were pissed when the Giants opened the game with an 8+ minute drive.

6. Will Farrell + semi pro basketball league = funny?

7. I wonder if there are bets out there as to who will be doing the Super Bowl halftime show next season. Here are a few bands that should NEVER be allowed to play: Creed, 3-Doors Down, Train, and Creed … wait, did I say Creed twice? Well, they REALLY shouldn’t be allowed to play.

8. Apparently, there is some super stomach virus going around – giving people the runs, a bad fever, and the power vomits for a few days. Please, don’t let me get this!

9. I heard somewhere that Tom Hanks was originally considered to play Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day … I think they made the right choice. Al Pacino was apparently supposed to play Han Solo in Star Wars … again, the right choice was made. The role of Cameron Fry in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was originally offered to Anthony Michael Hall … thankfully (not for him), he declined. Weird.

Grocery Shopping Nightmares

After today's grocery shopping trip, I am CONVINCED that a grocery shopping class should be developed. In order to be allowed to grocery shop, you would have to pass this class. On numerous occasions today (and in past grocery shopping excursions), I was close to going postal. I'm amazed at the lack of simple logic that many people experience whilst getting groceries. Below, are just a few of the ignorant "mistakes" that I noticed:

1. People leaving their shopping carts in the very middle of the aisles, impeding traffic to flow smoothly. I absolutely love this. I sit and stare at these people. and they seem to just ignore me while they go about their business. I want to take the shopping cart and make these people swallow the wheels.

2. When I'm looking at items, like soup, it is inevitable that somebody will place their cart in front of me, again, seemingly not being able to even see me. Are these ass-hats hypnotized by the plethora of advertisements that are seemingly overloading their limited brain functions?

3. People who will place their carts next to someone else's cart, eliminating any possibility of anybody passing through the aisle. Is it really that difficult to move your cart out of the way?

4. People that bring their kids with them, and absolutely not caring what their kids are doing. Again, these kids clog up the aisles, run into other shoppers, knock over displays, and just make the entire shopping experience miserable for everyone else. Shouldn't you, at the very least, be making sure your kids are under control?

5. People who go grocery shopping with their friends, and who take multiple carts around, again, clogging up every single area of the supermarket. I don't have a problem if you want to make shopping a social event, but follow some sort of rules, like making sure that you allow others to maneuver past you and your posse. I know it's hard to believe, but there are others who are shopping.


There, I feel better. If you have any others, let me know!

Ugh, a Meme!

Superstar asked that I do this Meme, and even though I normally don’t do these, I figured what the heck.

1. My favorite Holiday: I have to say Christmas, although Halloween is a close second, because I love to dress up (but not in drag).

2. My least favorite thing to do: Hmmmm … I guess it would have to be dust and vacuum – I do it every two weeks and can’t stand it. Second on the list is wash the car.

3. My first childhood memory – I remember a lot of weird things. I think my earliest memory was when I was approaching 3, and still crapping my diapers – my mom wouldn’t let me go outside again until I used the toilet. I didn’t crap for 3 days.

4. My most memorable moment at a wedding: Geez, that’s tough. I usually am asked to do the Mick Jagger at some point. I remember one wedding in which the DJ put the bride in the center of the dance floor, and had all the guys kneel around her to sing “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.” Well, somehow, I got the microphone, and was singing and putting the microphone in other’s faces, and everybody was singing. However, when it got to the second part, nobody knew the words, so I just sat there in silence for a few seconds, and then uttered this most provocative word into the microphone (very loud, mind you): “Yeeeaaaahhhh!” The DJ promptly took the microphone from me.

5. Most dangerous stunt: Hmmmm, I don’t take too many risks – I remember the first time I ever went skiing, and did it without any lessons. The bunny slope wasn’t bad, but my friend took me up to the “big people’s” slopes – I think I hit every mogul on the slope … and fell every time.

6. Most spontaneous moment – Going to the Rolling Stones concert in Toronto (Sars Fest) in 2003. It was a few months before our wedding – we were at a bar, and heard the Stones would be playing there, along with AC/DC, Rush, and Justin Timberlake (my wife was thrilled with this). We just decided we’d go at that moment. I think it was a few weeks away.

7. Most frightening event: When I was a youngster, I was afraid to go down in the basement. We had a very loud heater, and even though I never knew what a monster sounded like, I swore it was similar to my heater.

8. Something you know how to do that would never guess about you: I know how to cook. Even though I’m a huge fan of fast food (and doing a good job of staying away from it, somehow), I love to cook, and am getting more creative as time goes on (my wife helps me with this).

Meet the What?????

I heard something sort of interesting today on the radio … go figure! Apparently, the movie “Meet the Spartans” was the number 1 grossing movie of the weekend in the U.S. How is this remotely possible? I’m pretty sure everybody knew that this movie was done by the guys who did “Epic Movie” and “Date Movie,” possibly two of the worst spoof movies since “Dracula, Dead and Loving It.”

There was a time in the early 1990’s when movie producers got lazy, and would green-light any spoof movie that featured Leslie Nielson (thanks to his success in the Naked Gun trilogy). Most of these spoofs were downright awful, and quite a few of them ended up going straight to video … which was probably for the best.

Movie companies decided to phase these movies out for a while – that is until Scary Movie came out. The first one was rather funny, if not totally disgusting. The second one, also produced by the Wayans brothers, was just disgusting and not funny (in fact, there really wasn’t a story line at all). The Zucker Brothers, legends with regards to spoof movies (more on them later), took over Scary Movie 3 and 4 – neither was a “classic,” but both were funny in their own right.

There was another movie in the early 2000’s called “Not Another Teen Movie,” which, in my opinion, is an absolutely fantastic spoof. An actually story? Check! Great movie spoofs woven into the movie without just being thrown in there? Check! No slow parts? Check! This movie spoofed over 25 teen flicks from the 80’s on – quite a feat in itself. However, unlike Date Movie and Epic Movie, the spoofs were totally relevant and actually added to the movie.

The Epic and Date Movie chain of movies seems to just throw a bunch of spoofs together without relying even a little bit on a plot. Plus, the spoofs are SO obvious, that they actually detract from the humor. I just can’t believe people are still going out to view this dreck.

How come nobody has taken the actual torch from the Zuckers and Mel Brooks and created incredible spoofs like Airplane, Top Secret, Naked Gun, Blazing Saddles, and Space Balls? Has the movie industry really gotten this lazy? I beg some bright young director to attempt to make a great quality spoof again … PLEASE!

More Random Items ...

Just a few random items from the weekend:

* Barbara Peapod and Davey Doggz came over on Friday night – we had a good time playing Nintendo Wii and chatting about nothing in particular. Babs is fantastic – check out her blog (near the bottom of my blog roll).

* We went to a surprise 30th birthday party for Ray-Ray’s fiancé on Saturday night – it was a lot of fun, and the DJ, for the most part, played some fantastic music. And, yes, I once again was asked to do a dance with an umbrella during “It’s Raining Men.” Hope you enjoy the pic!

* Also, Ray-Ray asked that I be in his wedding, which of course, is an honor for me. I hear his fiancé is going to buy a bunch of umbrellas so I can once again do the dance.

* My parents came over on Sunday to “help” me put in ceramic tiles in my bathroom. Now, when I say help, I mean that they basically took over the entire project, and I pretty much just made sure the TV was working properly. But hey, the floor looks great!

* My cousin-in-law, Neffman, sent over a link to a really funny You-Tube video – it’s basically of Hitler getting pissed off that the Cowboys lost yet another playoff game. Very funny stuff … and I’m pretty sure, if Hitler was a fan of the NFL, he would most certainly root for the Cowboys. Check out the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJHb9m4ccmQ

A Great Video to Share

This is an absolutely funny video of Schue's parents playing Nintendo Wii.

Podcasting, Part 2

So, a few friends of mine and I decided to start a podcast, because we feel like talking … basically, about nothing in particular. As some of you know, the Reverend and I had a podcast going about a year ago, but we just haven’t been able to get together to do any more podcasts. Let me stress that I would like to continue the Los and Smoke show, and that this new podcast “venture” is not replacing Los and Smoke.

My friends Slant and The Maverick think we have some funny things to talk about – heck, we make each other laugh all the time … I’m not sure if that is a good enough reason to start a podcast, but we thought we’d give it a try. Slant and I podcasted this weekend – our goal was to talk about the NFL playoffs, but we quickly moved away from that, and talked about anything and everything for close to 50 minutes! Some of the topics included reasons behind my poor taste in music back in college, the night I strained boiling noodles onto my feet, and a phone call from the Reverend himself (sure, you couldn’t hear him, but still …).

Sure, the sound quality leaves something to be desired – we basically spoke into one microphone whilst trying to watch the Chargers vs. Patriots game – so there were pops and buzzes …. I didn’t really clean it up too much, because … well, because I wanted to get the podcast up before it became irrelevant … and, yes, because I’m also lazy. I promise we’ll try to make it sound more professional down the line.

One of the tough things about this podcast is trying to make sure the show runs smoothly. The Reverend was great at this, and I didn’t realize how difficult it actually is. I’ll get better, I promise. I’ll have to go back and listen to old Los and Smoke podcasts and take notes.

In case you’re interested, have a listen. Let me know what you think: http://losrulz2002.podomatic.com/.

More Odds and Ends ...

1. So, Heath Ledger died of an apparent drug overdose today. My first thought was – well, I guess he couldn’t get over the fact that most people thought he was “alternative,” after seeing Brokeback Mountain. However, I think we need to look further into these celebrity drug stories and celebrate the celebrities that area apparently immune to drug overdoses, like Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood. Shouldn’t they be doing celebrity seminars, teaching other celebrities how to avoid overdosing whilst taking massive quantities of drugs?

2. The big story right before Super Bowl week in the U.S. is about Tom Brady walking around with a bouquet of flowers, with some sort of protective boot on his leg. Most people think the guy has some sort of foot injury. I want to offer my own theory – I think Bill Belichik came up with this plan to have Brady walk around in this boot, making the Giants believe he is injured and “vulnerable.” I want put it by Bill – he’s one of the greatest in the game at mind games. He would make a terrific wrestling manager … possibly along the lines of Captain Lou Albano or Bobby “the Brain” Heenan. What would his nickname be, though?

3. The Rev gave me a wonderful Christmas present the other day (hey, we haven’t had a chance to see each other much recently). It is the Rolling Stones Guitar Anthology – a book with the notes to some popular Stones songs. As some of you know, I’ve been practicing acoustic guitar a little over the past few years – basically trying to teach myself, with the help of some online guides (I’m still not very good, but hey – I’m having fun). In looking at this, it’s gonna take me quite a while to get a song down, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?

4. Ed Snyder, who basically is the “ruler” of the Philadelphia Flyers and Sixers, announced plans to demolish the old Philadelphia Spectrum in order to put some kind of new entertainment area together in South Philly – I think he is calling it “Philly Live.” Believe me, I LOVE the old Spectrum – heck, it’s the last building that hosted a championship team from Philadelphia, now that the big toilet – a.k.a. Veteran’s Stadium, is no more. But, I think it’s high time somebody did something about putting entertainment – bars, restaurants and shopping – around the stadium complex. Seriously, there really isn’t anything to do when you go to a sports game in Philly. You drive to the stadium, go to the game, get back in the car (or train), and go home. It would be great to have something like Inner Harbor in Baltimore, or the entertainment around the stadiums in Cleveland. Philly just never planned anything like that, unfortunately (part of many things Philly has done wrong).

More Random Stuff ...

Sorry guys and gals, I just haven’t been able to put a post together about one complete thought or story lately, so I hope you don’t mind these little observations.

1. You know what really annoys me? These “word verifications” areas – especially the ones required when posting on Blogger (on specific sites). I don’t mind retyping a word shown on screen, however, blogger makes it more difficult by zig-zagging and bending the letters, making it hard to see if the letters are j’s or i’s, or q’s or g’s. Isn’t there a better way?

2. I really am not thrilled about any of the presidential candidates so far, although if I was forced to choose, I would pick McCain from the right, and Obama from the left. I’m seriously considering voting for Chuck Norris at this point.

3. NFC and AFC championship games today! On the NFC side, who would’ve thought that either Green Bay or New York would make it. I’m pulling for Green Bay, but for some reason, I don’t detest this Giants team nearly as much as I should. In the AFC, an injured Chargers team tries to stop a freight train known as the Patriots. It looks like we’re going to have a rematch of 1997’s Super Bowl contenders. I predict this – If Favre can somehow lead the Packers to a Super Bowl victory, he’ll retire. Great career, my friend.

4. I have a friend who recently bought (actually, downloaded) the new Ringo Starr album. I had no idea Ringo was still creating music … and getting paid for it.

5. We went to Hooters last night to watch the Flyers game, enjoy some wings (I’m still not crazy about Hooters’ wings), and, of course, take in the beautiful sites. Midway through the 3rd period, the Hooters staff changes all the channels to the HBO boxing pay per view. I was livid! When was the last time there’s been a boxing ppv that was worth paying for? We somehow convinced them to turn one of the channels back to the Flyers game. Bastards!

6. Is everyone else as annoyed by that new McDonalds Chicken McNuggets commercial with those two guys “rapping” about it? I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!! Worst of all, when I hear it, I can’t get it out of my mind! I keep hearing “McNugget Time, McNugget Time, McNugget Time …. Ketchup and mayo ....” I want to punch those guys in the throat …. On top of that, who dips their McNuggets in mayo? That’s just plain ridiculous. I would almost rather watch the Chevy commercial with the John Mellancamp song …. Almost.

Help!

So, we’re almost a year away from this big switch from analog to digital broadcast television. Apparently, February 17, 2009 will be last day for full-power television stations to broadcast in analog. To be honest, I’m not really sure how this will affect me, if at all. I mean, I have digital cable. Is this all I need? I’m still living in the 20th century when it comes to television sets – which means, I don’t have a plasma or LCD tv as of yet, just the old-fashioned CRT.

To be honest, I haven’t even given much thought to getting a new television (or new tv’s, if I have to), mainly because I still can’t justify paying that much for one. I don’t think I’ve spent more than $400 on a tv, but these HDTV’s start at around $900 (for one that is above 32 inches) – and that’s low-end, and bulky.

Which leads into the second thing – with all the different types of HDTV’s out there, I’m not really sure what I need to look for. Should I buy LCD or Plasma? Are there others on the horizon? What the hell does 720DP or 1080DP mean? What other extras should I keep in mind?

Getting back to the LCD and Plasma arguments, I’ve heard rumors. First, I heard that Plasma tv’s use a lot of energy – I mean, noticeable. And, although LCD’s are more “efficient,” apparently their picture isn’t as crisp, and they don’t last as long. Is this true? Please, help me, my fireinds!

Heck, I’ve seen those commercials from Circuit City and Best Buy where they push their installation services, and it scares me. How difficult is it to install one of these? What should I keep in mind? What about the cables – are there tons of them? Are they easy to hide? Should I buy one of those “new-fangled” remote controls? What about speakers? Ugh! So many questions.

So, now you get the idea on why I’m hesitant. Any info you can provide would be much appreciated!

More Stuff ...

Just a few random entertainment (and sports) thoughts.

Sly Stallone is releasing yet another Rambo movie – the first one in many years. He cashed in on the Rocky franchise, so I guess he decided he couldn’t pass up the guaranteed Rambo money. I’ve never seen any of the Rambo movies, but from what I’ve heard, he probably should’ve just left it alone. I mean, he basically should call this Rambo vs. Cocoon.

Will it be believable having a 60-something year old doing some huge freedom fighting? I guess it helps that he’s kept his body in some sort of shape via workouts … and probably some steroids. Here’s to hoping this guy doesn’t decide to do any sequels to Oscar or Tango and Cash.

So, Brittney Spears decided not to show up in court when she saw the circus in front of it. She decided to grab some coffee and go shopping instead. I don’t know about you guys, but this definitely sounds like a woman who wants her kids back. Sadly, Kevin Federline looks like the most normal parent … even with his ridiculous Mohawk. Those kids are screwed!

Maybe it’s just me, being a Philadelphia sports fan, but I got a certain amount of joy watching the Cowboys lose this weekend, even if it was against the Giants. Seeing Jerry Jones nearly swallow his tongue on the sidelines, and watching T.O. cry like a little baby during the press conference increased the joy that I felt. It was so funny to hear T.O. claim that he’s always had his quarterbacks’ back … yeah – he stands behind his quarterbacks, and then stabs them. The Cowboys should probably let him go at this point, he’s overdue for another team demolition.

Man, I'm Gettin' Old!

I woke up this morning, trying to think of a topic I could blog about, and it hit me …. Actually, a culmination of things over the past few weeks helped in this (like, my mom talking about technology exploding over the past 20 years when I dropped off my shirts) … So, I decided to put together a short list of … well … observations. Please add to them, if you want.

* I remember a time when a video game console had a controller (joystick) with only one button.
* I remember a time when postage stamps were only 13 cents.
* I remember a time when I had to get up and turn the knob to change tv channels.
* I remember a time when there were two “frequencies” for tv – VHF and UHF … and, we only had about 6 stations to view.
* I remember a time when a cable box had buttons and knobs on it to push (again, one would have to actually get up and change the channel on the box), and this box had a tuner on it, as well (this helped when trying to descramble the Playboy channel).
* I remember a time when fast food restaurants didn’t have “value menus.” I also remember a time when Wendy’s had a taco bar.
* I remember a time when cassette tapes were cool.
* I remember a time when phones had cords as well as not having pushbuttons (took forever to dial), and when the first two digits of a phone number were pronounced as letters.
* I remember a time when one had to make popcorn on a stove (I’ve seen Jiffy Pop bring this back, but most people probably microwave popcorn at this point).
* I remember a time when Billy Martin was making commercials for Captain Black, and Joe DiMaggio was making commercials for Mr. Coffee, and Pete Rose was making commercials for Wawa.
* I remember a time when cans of soda (and beer) had that annoying pull top – this system would always seem to produces cuts on my fingers.
* I remember a time when kids would go outside and play sports (heck, my friends and I would go out and play sports almost every day … even with the Atari 2600 or Commodore 64).

There, I feel better.

Odds and Ends ...

Odds and Ends


1. I cooked some bacon (low sodium) for dinner tonight – we put it in our salad. I think bacon cooking may be the best smelling scent of all time.

2. The Golden Globe awards show has been canceled … somehow, it won’t affect my tv watching this weekend.

3. Brittany Spears can’t get out of the news … Brittany is to tabloids like Captain Morgan’s is to soda.

4. It’s 60 degrees in PA in January … I’m guessing we won’t get above 30 in February.

5. The corner of our living room looks empty now that the Christmas tree is gone.

6. My wife thinks there are only 6 days in a week.

7. When we eat dinner at night, it sounds like tuba-town (I’ll let you decide why).

8. Why did time seem to go by a lot slower when we were kids? Remember when you were in grade school, and it was Halloween – it felt like Christmas was years away … sigh.

9. I need to find some new bands to get into … I just never seem to have the time.

10. I really need to go bowling on a more regular basis … I came to this conclusion whilst playing bowling on the Wii.

More and More Like Barry ...

The big news story over here in the States is this whole Roger Clemens steroids situation. For those of you unfamiliar, Roger Clemens is arguably the best baseball pitcher of our generation – he has played for over 24 years, and with the exception of a few bad years in the mid 1990’s, the man has been more dominant than a pack of pitbulls in a nursery school.

A few weeks ago, a report conducted by a former U.S. senator, named Mr. Clemens (among many others) as a steroid user. The evidence was “procured” from a former trainer of Clemens. This past Sunday night on 60 Minutes (a popular “journalism” show), Clemens proclaimed his innocence, and went on to discredit the trainer. Later that night, he filed a lawsuit against the trainer, and yesterday, he held a press conference in which he played a 17-minute “conversation” he had with the trainer (In case you are interested in finding out more, check out this link: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=wojciechowski_gene&id=3185451&sportCat=mlb).

When the Mitchell Report was first released, it didn’t shock me that Clemens was on this list. I mean, the guy is well into his 40’s, and was pitching some of the best baseball of his career at an age when most starting pitchers opt for middle relief. The allegation made sense to me, and I won’t apologize for this. After all, I reacted the same way with the Barry Bonds situation. However, I was willing to listen to Clemens because, frankly, I didn’t find him to be anywhere near the a$$hole that Bonds it.

I watched the 60 Minutes interview, and Clemens convinced me at the very least that it was possible he didn’t do steroids, and I genuinely felt bad for the guy – mainly because his credibility took a hit with the report. However, the shenanigans he pulled on Monday even made Bonds cringe. This phone call he played ruined his credibility in my eyes. What an absolute scumbag he is (and yes, I know, the trainer is probably a scumbag too, but I just didn’t expect Clemens to go to that level).

He secretly taped a phone call solely because he’s a self-centered jerk who will do anything and step on anyone’s throat to ensure that he gets his way. He is your typical grade school bully, except he was lucky enough to be allowed to continue being a bully even in adulthood. The trainer called to try and clear the air and to find a way to get Clemens’ forgiveness, even telling Clemens about his ailing son. Clemens “claims” this is why he agreed to talk to the trainer – absolute rubbish. What a jerk.

Clemens went on to answer some press questions – basically sticking his chest out and ruffling his feathers like a pissed off rooster (and yes, I deliberately made the cock reference), daring anybody to ask a controversial question. Hey, Roger, you say repeatedly that steroids are a short-term fix for people, and the health risks are too great to justify taking them – yet you freely admit that you took pain-killers like they were candy, repeatedly getting “shot-up” so that you can continue playing. Hey buddy, isn’t this a health risk? Sounds to me like you’d do anything (and yes, I mean anything) to continue pitching.

Seriously Roger, maybe you and Bonds can find a few more years in entertainment by signing on with the WWE as the “Scumbags,” or the “Needle Dicks.” Your legacy was even more tarnished by your childish behavior big guy.

2008 Predictions!

Whew! Another year gone by already. Before you know it, we’ll be putting balls on the trees (wait, that didn’t sound good), and ushering out another year (why does time go by so much quicker now than when we were kids? Eh, a topic for another blog, I guess!). Despite my poor showing with my 2007 predictions, I am going to give it another shot in 2008 (please, hold the applause!).

10. We’re gonna see the NHL on ESPN again. The Outdoor Life Network/Versus experience did nothing to help hockey, and probably set them back a bit (in addition to that horrific lockout). Sure, ESPN won’t offer as much money as Versus, but the publicity that the NHL will garner from being on the Worldwide sports leader will more than make up for that. Plus, the outdoor game that was played on January 1 did surprisingly well with regards to ratings. Can’t do any worse than the Bluebonnet bowl, can it?

9. Barry Bonds will not spend any time in jail. It saddens me to say so, but this guy is more slippery than an eel dipped in Vasoline. He’ll find some way (probably via the OJ Simpson expensive lawyer model) to avoid the iron bars (and male lovin’).

8. A Reality Show channel will appear on cable … sure, sure, MTV has already been working with this formula for some time now, but they haven’t quite been able to fill 24-hours with reality shows … yet.

7. A prominent politician, one running for president, will have to deal with some sort of scandal …. Hey, it happens every 4-years … like clock-work.

6. Philadelphia’s sports teams will once again let-down their city by not winning a championship (25 years and counting). The Flyers have made strides, but they are too inconsistent. The Phillies still have Pat Burrell and a bullpen that looks more like the insides of an outhouse. The Eagles seem to be content with being just good enough. And the Sixers seem to be at least 2 years away from serious contention.

5. Thanks to two of my best friends planning on getting married in 2008, I will be a lot lighter in the pockets … sigh.

4. The Rolling Stones will release another album, and start their 35th farewell tour … and of course, I’m all for it!

3. More groups that sound like Nickleback, My Chemical Romance, and Three Doors Down will sadly supersaturate our pathetic airwaves … whatever happened to creativity anyway?

2. Chevy will continue using annoying rock songs to push their mediocre cars and trucks … hey, why change a formula that doesn’t seem to work?

1. Every household in the U.S. will finally have a Nintendo Wii … but this won’t happen until late November … sadly.

2007 Predictions ... a Recap

I decided to go back and look at the predictions I made for 2007, and see how well I did. My next blog posting will probably be 2008 predictions … although if I do as poorly as I did with the 2007 predictions, maybe I should give it up.

10. I predicted that one of the 4 “F*ckhats would pass away – Nicole, Paris, Brittany, or Lindsay … unfortunately, I left out Anna Nicole … I would’ve been a genius!

9. I predicted that Barry Bonds’ knees would fall off during a baseball game. Sadly, this did not happen. But, he did get indicted, so maybe he’ll never smell a lick of freedom again … one can only hope!

8. I predicted that T.O. would get released from the Cowboys. I believe I heard somewhere that Parcells gave Jerry Jones an ultimatum that either T.O. goes or Parcells goes … sadly, it looks like the ‘Boys made the right decision.

7. I predicted that the Phillies would be in the wild card race until the last week of the season … like every year. Hey, I was partially right, they WERE in the wild card race until the end. However, the Mets collapsed, and the Phils somehow won the division.

6. I predicted that we would either get confirmation that we were successful in “terminating” Osama Bin Laden, or we would find out that he had died about a year ago … unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like either was the case.

5. I predicted that the Rolling Stones would finally end their “Bigger Bang” Tour that started in 2005, and shockingly, it did finally end … I think it was in November.

4. I predicted that there would be another “new” Tupac cd out, with “all new material” … even though the man has been dead for close to 10 years (or more) … truthfully, I have no idea if this happened, as I don’t follow Tupac.

3. I predicted that Burger King would be producing a 10 patty hamburger – I can’t verify this, but if anybody has tried to place an order for one of these, please let me know.

2. I predicted that the Reverend would post another blog entry on his site – basically meaning that he would have a new job … I was dead-on with this one. Nice work, Rev!

1. My final prediction was that there would be a “Best of” President Bush funny lines DVD out … and that it would be the best selling DVD of the year … I don’t know of an DVD produced, but somebody bought me the G.W. Bush funny quotes calendar … that’s gotta count for something, right?

So to recap, I think I got 2 absolutely correct, and another 2 could probably be debated (we’ll call them a tie). I finished with a 2-2-6 record … at least the Miami Dolphins are jealous.

Happy 2008 everyone!

Finally!!!!!!!

Once in a while, when I come across something truly remarkable, I feel it is my obligation to share my experience with you, my fellow bloggers. As luck would have it, today was one of those days with one of those experiences. The morning after a wonderful holiday party thrown by Barbara Peapod (the food gets better every year!), my wife and I decided to go to Denny’s for breakfast.

Normally, there is nothing of note at a Denny’s on a weekend morning, outside of some church-goers and hookers. However, Denny’s did something revolutionary to its breakfast menu. Let me step back for just a second. Remember a few months ago when I blogged that I hated the lack of breakfast options at local diners and restaurants? Specifically, I was upset that most of these places would pile on a side of home-fries or hash-browns, even though I do not like these.

Denny’s must be listening to me, because the company, in a rare display of brilliance, has begun offering the “Grand Slam Choice” option on its menus. Basically, you have a choice of 4 items to include on your plate (and if you want a 5th or 6th item, it costs an extra dollar). So, now you can choose between such items as eggs, pancackes, bacon, sausage, toast, hash-browns, and grits, just to name a few.

It was as if the heavens opened, and the breakfast angel granted my breakfast wish. I’m hoping this trend sweeps across the fine diners all over Pennsylvania, and, eventually the nation. I rank this brilliant idea right up there with the value menus that fast-food joints came up with around 15 years ago.

This will certainly rank up there in great events of 2007. Speaking of which, have a safe and happy new year, everyone!

Wii-markable!

So, first, let me wish all of you a happy holiday season - I know that some of this is belated – I was busy with final holiday stuff. One of the things that occupied me was the Nintendo Wii – yes I got it for Christmas, and let me tell ya, it is AWESOME! But, this item gave me joy I didn’t expect … watching my wife’s parents play boxing against each other! It was absolutely hysterical! We videotaped it, and who knows – maybe we’ll put it on Youtube – it was that funny! There was trash talking and horrible boxing that would even make Manut Bol cringe.

My body was hurting the next day – I don’t know if it was from the laughing, or from playing the Wii for too long. Hey, at the very least, it gives you a workout. But, I digress. The online capabilities of the Wii are remarkable to say the least. I am able to not only surf the internet, but I can download older games from the Nintendo systems, as well as Sega Genesis, Turbo Grafix 16, and NEO GEO. I’m hoping they put on some old Commodore 64 games – that would be cool.

An added bonus (is that even good grammar?) is the “Mii Creator,” in which you get to create characters to use. In addition to creating myself and my wife, I’ve created my wife’s parents and sister, and 4 members of the Rolling Stones … I probably still need to do some work on the Stones, but they look pretty good so far.

Now, I’ve gotta start planning which games I need to buy in the future. My brother already tipped me off on a golf game coming out in a couple of months … I’m sure I’ll get that one. Any other suggestions? Oh, and again, I hope you had a great holiday!

Some More Sports Stuff (Sorry!)

HGHorrific!
To continue on my sports-related rants (with apologies to El Padrino), this time I want to focus on the steroid and HGH situation in Major League Baseball. Last week, the Mitchell report came out and outed more than 80 baseball players who used these … unfortunately, it really wasn’t anything new ... probably the biggest outing was Roger Clemens, probably the most dominating pitcher of our era.

But seriously, should it surprise anyone that Clemens was on the juice? He was still throwing ungodly stuff even into his 40’s … and had some of his best seasons in his late 30’s. Folks, that doesn’t happen in “real” life. The man was a hall-of-famer long before he started taking steroids, but now his legacy is tainted … much like Barry Bonds.

The only difference between the two is that Bonds is a much bigger ass-clown than Clemens. That is also why Bonds has been scrutinized more than others. Karma really took a giant dump on Bonds’ overgrown melon for all of the years Bonds was a jerk (and it sounds like he was born a jerk). Clemens will get his, I’m sure.

But, I have this feeling that this report only scraped the surface of this performance enhancing drug situation … there were probably close to 100 MLB players who breathed a sigh of relief that they weren’t mentioned in the report (ya hear that, A-Rod?). The 1990’s have been irreparably tainted, and the hope is that Major League Baseball (and all of sports, for that matter), learned its lesson. We’ll see – there are a lot of greedy people involved.

McNabulous
Trouble follows Donovan McNabb like a duckling follows its mother. And the city of Philadelphia just eats it up. This city has refused to embrace the guy ever since he was drafted instead of Ricky Williams (a smart move, by the way) in 1999. Donovan has weathered that draft, the T.O. era, throwing up in the huddle during the Super Bowl, Rush Limbaugh, and numerous injuries in his time.

But, I get the feeling that his conversation, whatever it may have involved, with Pam Oliver, might be the straw that broke the camel’s back. McNabb apparently expressed his dissatisfaction with the ownership and the city, and said something along the lines of feeling that ownership is distancing itself from him, and might trade him next season. Pam Oliver reported this during the game.

One thing must be noted here – you should never, ever say negative things about the city of Philadelphia if you play here … the fans will never, ever support you. Mike Schmidt’s popularity is still only luke-warm in this city, even though he was VERY successful. Mitch Williams is possibly more popular, even though his last pitch caused the Phils to lose the World Series in 1993. Why? Because Williams is likeable, and lets criticism roll off his back. McNabb seems to take a lot more personally, and that’s the problem.

McNabb will probably be best off playing in a city that only cheers for its team, and never criticizes it – like maybe San Diego, or Miami. He should stay away from Chicago or New York, or more of the same will probably happen.

BCS .. It's Fantastic ...

I don’t normally blog about sports too much, but please allow me to get some of my thoughts off my chest – I’ll try not to be too boring or long-winded (applause!).

First, I’d like to discuss college football – specifically the BCS system. For some reason, still not entirely clear to me, there is no legitimate playoff system in division 1 college football. I know, I know – a lot of sponsors (and college football itself) make a lot of money with the current bowl system. Basically, there is some sort of elaborate calculation that chooses the top two teams in the country (as well as a few others who play in other “bowl championship games” that, besides being more profitable for the “qualifying” schools, serves no real purpose). This season was especially trying for the BCS, because so many teams ended up losing games they probably should’ve won. Hence, a huge dilemma resulted – which teams should play for the national championship? The BCS (and all of college football) breathed a sigh of relief when Kansas, Missouri , and West Virginia all lost – these three teams don’t really carry a lot of weight in the world of college football, and sponsors probably would’ve lost out on advertising had any of these three teams survived.

As it turns out, LSU – a team with two losses, is facing Ohio State – a team that really hasn’t played anybody great, for the national title. How can a two-loss team possibly qualify for this? The answer is MONEY. I’m guessing the BCS calculations were mixed with sponsor pressure to force this game. Shockingly enough, USC isn’t involved in the title game – I figure the sponsors were really “hoping” for an LSU vs. USC game – they’d just have a difficult time justifying having two 2-loss teams play for the national title.

My question is this – why can’t we have an 8-team playoff in the month of December? I mean, most of the month is spend watching lower division playoff games, right? Can’t we have a playoff system, as well as bowl games? Wouldn’t the sponsors, as well as college football, make even more money this way? Wouldn’t this alleviate the issues college football currently has to deal with?

I’m sure there will always be issues, even with a playoff – especially trying to decide which 8 teams make the playoffs. I mean, would Hawaii (undefeated) even get represented? Would only the major conferences (and Notre Dame, unfortunately) demand representation? Possibly. But, wouldn’t this dilemma be far better than the one we currently have? I just wanted to see your thoughts, opinions, and suggestions.

So ... What is Rock And Roll?

Big news in the “rock” industry this week, as it was announced that Madonna will be inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Let me first start by saying that I actually like Madonna’s music, for the most part – heck, I even bought the Immaculate Collection cd … by the way, that doesn’t automatically make me gay, does it? My wife is a huge Madonna fan, and she says that next time Madonna goes on tour, I have to go to the concert with her (probably a topic for another blog, but I wonder what the over-under will be on gay people hitting on me).

My question really focuses on what the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is. I mean, is Madonna’s music really rock and roll? And if so, what constitutes rock and roll? Will the Beastie Boyz make the rock and roll hall of fame, and if so, why? Is their music really rock? If these people are let in, what about Tony Bennett? Should he be there? How about Sammy Davis, Jr.?

This may be more confusing than college football’s BCS “scoring,” or what race Michael Jackson really is at this point. Speaking of which, what about Michael Jackson? Should he be in the hall? Back to the argument. Are there set rules in place that makes one eligible for the rock and roll hall of fame? I know one rule is that you cannot be selected for it until 25 years after your group formed. Outside of this, what are the rules? Do you have to have a guitar, drum, and bass in your music? Do you have to have a certain amount of top 10 hits? Do you have to have documented proof that you did a certain amount of drugs? Do you have to sleep with a certain amount of women? Do you need a certain amount of STD’s? How many times do you need your stomach pumped?

Again, let me stress that I like Madonna – I’m just wondering if a “new” hall of fame needs to be made for pop music – maybe it can be built in San Francisco or something.

War of the Roses!

So, this weekend, I play in the semi-finals of my fantasy football league. At stake is more than $1,000 (we have a 20-team league … it’s kind of complicated). If I win, it’ll be the second time in the 10-year existence of this league that I have won … I will be the first repeat champion … so, in addition to the hefty winnings, I will also have bragging rights for a year … almost as important as the money … almost.

However, I face an interesting challenge … you see, my opponent this week is none other than my wife and her friend (Barbara Peapod – check out her blog on my blog roll!). History could possibly be made either way here – in the 10 years our league has existed, no woman (or women) have ever gotten close to winning. I stand in the way of this – and I know that many of you bloggers will claim that my “manhood” is at stake.

The girls had a really good season … in fact, they’ve had a really good three years, making the playoffs each of those seasons … they aren’t your typical “girls.” These girls follow the games rabidly, and converse quite a bit about fantasy football strategy. If one didn’t know any better, one would probably swear that they are hiding penises between their legs.

I have to say this – I’m a long shot to win this game. It’s really a surprise that I’ve made it this far, especially if you consider the 0-3 start that I had to the season. My roster is full of hit-or-miss players (with the exception of Peyton Manning and Jason Whitten). Thankfully, I caught a couple of breaks and my players have been performing very well the last few weeks.

I guess the real question is, what should the league do if the girls win the championship? Have we gone into uncharted territory here? Please, be candid with the responses!

Tree-mendous?

We got our Christmas Tree (no, not holiday tree) last week, and had a small Christmas tree decorating party this past Saturday night – the tree looks “tree-mendous!” However, it got me to thinking about positives and negatives of real and artificial trees.

I’ve never had an artificial tree – I kind of like the fun of going out and “finding” the perfect tree. But these prices are starting to get ridiculous – we paid around $40 for our tree this year – by far the most we’ve ever spent on a tree. Sometimes, it seems more “economical” to pay a one-time fee for an artificial tree.

However, I love real trees – love the smell of them in the house, and frankly, I think they look far better than any artificial tree I’ve ever seen. Plus, taking an artificial tree out of a box in the attic and putting it together doesn’t really signify Christmas for me.

But, stripping the tree naked after the holidays and throwing it to the front curb doesn’t feel like Christmas either, does it? It feels like an unwanted family member, or something. I’m sure the real trees would probably agree with me on this.

Where do these trees go once they no longer are of use to us? Is there a Christmas tree burial ground somewhere near the airport that I’ve never heard of? Does somebody have a huge Christmas tree bonfire after the holidays? Is there somebody out there with the biggest Christmas tree collection ever? I gotta know!

More Trash???

So, by now, many of you have probably heard or read about the writers’ strike going on in Hollywood. Basically, it has something to do with the writers wanting to get paid for DVD sales – I’m sure one can argue either way whether this is a good idea or not (this is not the purpose of this post).

Probably the majority of you don’t care, and normally I wouldn’t, either. However, I have a few fears. First, the most obvious ones surround my favorite tv shows – namely, Lost, Heroes, 24, My Name is Earl, and the Office. These shows have stopped production, and, in the case of Lost, may result in the cancellation of the entire season. This does not sit so well with me, although it will give me more time to follow college basketball, football, and hockey.

However, a more disturbing fear I have is that the networks will increasingly rely even more on those awful reality shows that have already, in my opinion, supersaturated the airwaves. I just saw recently (no offense, Barbara Peapod) a gospel talent show commercial … seriously? Is this what’s it’s come to? What other shows will be on the horizon – Who Wants to Be a NASCAR driver? If this happens, I may do more than throw up a little in my mouth. Will we have to deal with reruns of long-forgotten shows like, god forbid, Mama’s Family or T.J. Hooker?

What about those talk shows, especially the late night ones? I mean, I’m thankful that I don’t have to hear any Jay Leno sound-bites, but I genuinely miss Letterman, Kimmel, and even Conan O’Brien. Sadly, The View is still being run, and Ellen’s talk show is still being filmed.

And, what about movies? I know production has stopped on quite a few (probably all major ones). What does that mean for us (the consumers)? Does that mean that Hollywood execs will begin releasing movies that they’ve had in the can that should never see the light of day – like Problem Child 4, or Police Academy 12? If this all continues, I might actually have to … gulp … pick up a book!

R.I.P. Evel

A few days ago, the renowned Evel Knievel passed away, seemingly unable to defy the odds one last time. I remember growing up and hearing these legendary stories – heck, I even had an Evel Knievel action figure. I never got to see any of his death-defying stunts, but the stories I heard made me feel as if I had.

I remember some friends telling me some crazy stories they heard – when we were kids, our imaginations were boundless (plus, we’d believe just about anything). One friend even told me that Knievel was planning on jumping his bike across the Pacific Ocean … it made perfect sense to me.

I saw a documentary on the guy this weekend – it was actually pretty good. One thought kept going through my mind – how the heck did he get into this line of work? What prompted him to say to himself, “Hey Evel, I really got the jonesing to jump my Harley Davidson over 15 school busses?” Maybe it was the celebrity and fame, perhaps it was the money, maybe the insatiable appetite for danger, more likely it was because he knew that he’d be able to sleep with just about any girl out there.

Jumping over busses, trailers, cars, and trucks is one thing. Mr. Knievel’s desire to jump the Snake Canyon makes me think that insanity had probably taken over. I saw the footage of this “attempt,” and can’t believe all of the hype this guy got. In a way, it was sort of an early “reality” show. In fact, I’m surprised we haven’t seen a reality show in which stunt men tried to outdo each other … I’m guessing insurance costs would be through the roof. Which brings me to another question – would this Evel Knievel thing even work in this day (First, would there be a market in this, and second, would the insurance risk involved even be worth it?)?

We’re gonna miss ya, Evel!

Ho, Ho, What???

Do you remember growing up and experiencing the whole “pageantry” of Christmas? You know – going shopping at one of those big department stores, like Gimbels – you know – the ones that anchor the nicer malls? In the center of those malls, there would be some sort of elaborate area where Santa Claus would be “taking time out of his busy day” to take pictures with kids (quite coincidentally, this area was also frequented by the Easter bunny in April – kind of like that one scene in “A Christmas Story.”

Well, apparently, Walmart has put a new twist on this “tradition.” Unfortunately, because I now have a significant amount of cash “locked up” in Walmart gift cards, I have to frequent their hideous stores – that’s besides the point. Whilst trying to find something useful at a local Walmart store on Saturday, I came across the Garden center, which also doubles as “Christmas and Holiday Headquarters” in the winter-time at Walmart. The Garden center is usually located way in the corner of most department stores, and with Walmart, this is no different.

However, I discovered that Walmart’s holiday headquarters also includes a park bench complete with Santa Claus, and a camera person, and elf waiting for families to “find” him … kids, he’s located right next to the manure and fertilizer. That’s right folks, Walmart has decided to add their own Santa Claus tradition by sticking their Santa “Display” right next to the lawn mowers and grass seed. Nowhere in the store does it even indicate that there “may” be a Santa Claus in the building waiting to have his picture taken with you. Who came up with this idea, anyway?

The even funnier part about this is that for the 15 minutes I was in this area (lots of Christmas lights to look at), not one child had his/her picture taken with St. Nick. Poor Santa was just sitting there staring into the deep, dark abyss that is Walmart. In fact, at one point, he was just slowly lifting his feet up and down off the floor, and seemingly counting the amount of times he could do this.

I felt bad for the guy. I mean, how does one get to the point of being Santa Claus at Walmart? Is there some sort of Santa Claus pecking order? If so, how does one climb up the Santa pole (wait, that didn’t sound right)? What are the skills that must be proven to become a mall Santa as opposed to a Walmart Santa? And what about the elves and photographers – are they just as scrutinized as the Santas? Did the Walmart Santa lose a bet? I gotta know! If anybody has any insight, please share!

Slow Down!!!!

I guess I’m getting old (how many times have I said that?). Remember when you were growing up, and the time in between Halloween and Christmas seemed to take forever? Doesn’t it seem like time is going by much quicker now? I mean, wasn’t Halloween just yesterday?

I remember as a kid talking with a few friends about how “unlucky” we were as kids, because we weren’t old enough to do anything cool, and how great it would be once we turned 21. If I had a time machine, I’d go back to those days, grab my little ass by the collar and tell me to chill out, and enjoy it, because getting older is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Think about it – what were our responsibilities as kids anyway? Go to school, do homework, do some chores? That’s it, right? And for all of that, we even got 3 months off of school in the summer! We played in baseball, basketball, football, and soccer leagues – never a care in the world. The only care we had was going to the local 5 and 10, and hoping we’d get a Bo Jackson rookie card in the Topps pack we just bought … oh, and that gum was pretty good too, wasn’t it?

Yessir, those days seemed to go on forever, didn’t they? Now, weeks go by like days. I wish I had some sort of emergency brake where I could slow things down a little (only being used on weekends, of course). Anybody else feel this way?

ANother Reason To Hate Walmart!

Look, I’m not telling you where to shop or where not to shop, but I wanted to pass along a VERY dissatisfying experience I had recently with a store that many people probably frequent. Besides, getting this ridiculous frustration off of my chest will make me feel better. The store is Walmart.

Now, I watched a very disturbing video (I believe it was on the Starz channel) a few months ago about this “Monstropoly” of a store (yeah, I made that term up) – basically, the documentary states that Walmart comes into towns, makes absurd requests of the local government, threatens to leave, gets its way, kills off other smaller mom and pop stores, all while providing unfair wages and health benefits to its employees. It also went into the work facilities in China and other third world countries. So, the wife and I decided we would never shop there again.

Well, as luck would have it, we were looking for a Nintendo Wii (or two) on Black Friday. I woke up around 4:00 a.m. (call me crazy), and decided to check some online stores before I went out. I ended up checking out Walmart.com to see if they had any Wiis for sale. I searched for “Wii” and then checked under “Hardware.” To my surprise a price for a Nintendo Wii came up and it said it was available. I quickly purchased two of these …. Sadly, I didn’t realize these were gift cards for Wii’s. I contacted Walmart and told them of my mistake, but they said they had a policy of not refunding gift cards.

I flipped my lid. I know that I should’ve looked a little more carefully. However, I have two complaints. First, why is a gift card listed under the hardware section?? Second, why does Walmart need to have its own Wii gift card when Nintendo already makes gift cards for the Wii? Third, why couldn’t they refund this – I mean I contacted them right away. So, now I have two Wii gift cards and no Wiis. What the hell is up with this.

I immediately sent a complaint to them, informing them that I would check into what legal options I had. Then, I sent e-mails to local media outlets informing them of this issue (I know, they won’t do anything, because I’m sure Walmart gives them a lot of advertising revenue).

So, I hope that Walmart goes to hell, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

This and That ...

To really get into the “spirit” of Christmas, I figured I’d write down a few observations/annoyances from the past week.

1. You’ve probably heard of handlebar mustaches (think Rollie Fingers). I have no problems with these – in fact, depending on the person who decides to pull this one off, it can be kind of cool. However, I do have a problem with the handlebar eyebrow – I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before, until last week at work – an older gentleman was “wearing” his eyebrows this way. I found this slightly repulsive for some reason … kind of like the neck beard.

2. Black Friday shopping has gotten absolutely ridiculous. My wife and I decided to go out for this – we went to Target in Delaware (the home of tax free shopping), and the place was a zoo. You couldn’t even move in the store – never again.

3. Shopping for the Nintendo Wii has been an ordeal to say the least. My wife asked me in October what I wanted for Christmas. I had mentioned that the Wii would be cool. I didn’t think it would be this difficult to purchase, since it’s been out for a year. My bad – this thing has been tougher to get than Cabbage Patch Kids in the mid 1980’s. I was really close this morning – I went to Toys ‘R Us, and they had 30 of ‘em. I was 32nd in line. Many of these retailers are now selling the Wii in bundles – basically meaning, they are trying to get rid of sh*tty games whilst selling the Wii. I’m getting frustrated with this.

4. I really want to meet the guy who designed Wawa parking lots. He has made life difficult for many, many people in the Philadelphia area. I’m wondering if this guy (or gal) came up with the design as a joke, just wanting to see if the fine people at Wawa would actually agree to it. Wawa is lucky that it has good coffee.

5. I played football again on Black Friday (in the afternoon, after Christmas shopping). A few years ago, we scaled it back from tackle to two-hand touch … however, even after a few days, I feel like I was hit by a tank … ah, how good it feels to get old.

That’s it for now – I gotta prepare myself to watch the catastrophe that will be the Eagles annihilation tonight.

When I Want to Grow Up, I Wanna Be ...

Remember when you were little, and the sky was the limit in your mind? Some kids wanted to be astronauts, others wanted to be president. Still others wanted to be movie stars, or even train engineers (hey, lots of young kids loved trains – my younger brother was a freak about it … he ended up becoming an engineer, but not a train engineer).

I didn’t want to be any of these. No, instead, I wanted to be an ice hockey goalie. Sure, I had never, ever ice-skated before, but I figured that would be easy enough to learn. I was decent in all sports, but in my school, I was one of the best floor hockey players in my class. I used to wow the classmates in gym class … probably because hardly any of them played street hockey like I did on a religious basis. I was great in net, and had a devasting left-handed wrist shot … plus, my ball-handling skills were impeccable (and I was pretty good in hockey too … hey-yo!).

The problem is that I didn’t grow up in Canada (or Sweden, or any other place that had lots of ice). In fact, at the time, there really weren’t many opportunities for kids in our area to play hockey … and the opportunities that WERE available were, quite honestly, out of our price range. Still, I thought that somehow, someday, I would be playing ice hockey for my favorite team, the Philadelphia Flyers. I would someday trade in the baseball glove I used, and the sock I stuffed down my pants (to protect the boys, of course) for real hockey equipment.

Sadly, that day never did come. As I grew up, I realized that hockey wasn’t to be. I played in some deck hockey leagues, and realized that I was average at best compared to some of the others who apparently lived, breathed, and drank (heavily) hockey. I still enjoy the sport to a great extent … especially when the Flyers are doing well.

And one time, I even got to meet Jim Craig, the goalie of the 1980 gold medal winning Olympic team from USA. He was an idle of mine growing up – and as fate would have it, he was doing some sort of promotional appearances for the Leukemia Society when I was working there. I got to have my picture taken with him, and even got to tell him how much I enjoyed watching him play in those Olympic games. We spoke for about 10 minutes, and he was a great guy – really seemed to be thankful and was humbled that he had such an impact on my life.

What to Watch?

Thanksgiving week is finally upon us, and that means a short work week, football, and best of all, Turkey with family! We have a couple of traditions – one being going to the movies on Thursday night – after dinner. In the past, we’ve seen some really good ones, like Elf, Just Friends, and Borat. Of course, we’ve also seen some real clunkers. I think we might be in for another clunker this year, mainly because there really aren’t any decent movies out right now.

I guess the obvious choice, would be Fred Claus (can’t believe I’m saying that). Hey, it’s got Vince Vaughn in it, and he’s usually a sure thing. It’s also produced by the guys that brought us Wedding Crashers (a phenomenal movie). Plus, it’s a Christmas movie, so it should get us in the mood for the holidays. However, the previews I’ve seen haven’t really been all that inspiring.

American Gangster is out, and this looks like a fantastic movie … just not the type of movie one watches to get into the Christmas spirit.

Bee Movie is out, but from what I’ve seen, it just doesn’t look that funny. I think Jerry Seinfeld should really consider going back to TV.

Watching Beowulf would give us the opportunity to see Angelina Jolie naked … even if it is only a CGI version of her naked.

Other than that, I have no idea what to see. If any of you have suggestions, please pass them along.

The Good Old Days ...

A friend of mine were talking about the “good old days” the other day, and how things have changed. Please, let me bore you youngsters with the discussion, if you don’t mind.

First of all, nowadays a parent has to pretty much accompany a child wherever he or she goes, or at least have a member of the “parenting pool” of the neighborhood volunteer to do this … it very much sounds like being a designated driver, doesn’t it? Has the world become this evil this quickly?

Geez, when I was growing up, a typical Saturday would involve me waking up at 7:00, eating breakfast, then going out with my friends … whether it was playing sports, video games, going to the pool, going to the mall … the choices were endless. Sure, I’d have to be back by noon for the usual peanut butter and jelly sandwich … but then, I’d once again leave for the remainder of the day. Back then, all I had to tell my mom was what I was planning on doing … and even this didn’t have to be set in stone.

Our parents would let us go … even if we had to ride our bikes miles to get to wherever we were going. Public transportation? Sure, no problem! Playing basketball in a neighborhood we’d never been to? Absolutely! It never crossed our minds back then that dangerous people could be on the prowl.

I’m not sure if things just changed, or if these dangerous people were always out there … I mean, I’m sure some dangerous people were out there, but has this number increased? Today, there is no way my mom would’ve let me out the door without making sure that we had parental supervision. … and heck, I don’t blame her. All you hear on the news nowadays are stories of abduction, kidnapping, and murder.

When I have kids, I don’t think I’ll be able to give them the leeway my parents gave me … and that’s a sad thing. I miss those days.

You Collect What???

On every other Wednesday, I play cards with my friend Slant’s father-in-law and friends. It is normally low stakes, dealer calls. We play such interesting games as “Follow the Queen,” “Queen of Spades,” “44,” “Baseball,” “Criss-Cross,” and even a little “Hold-em.”

Last Wednesday, I went over to play, and realized that I was the only one showing up. Slant’s father-in-law (that’s where we play) informed me that when a month has 5 Wednesdays, we skip one of those weeks, so I was out of luck. However, I guess he felt bad that I drove all the way over, even though it is only a 10-minute drive. He invited me in for what I was hoping was only for a little while.

However, with Mr. Slant (that’ll be his name from now on, because I’m getting sick of writing Slant’s Father-in-law), one has to understand his stories tend to last for hours. He is an antique collector/seller … boring enough. However, the antiques he focuses on are pottery … even duller.

I spent the next two hours listening to all of these stories about how he collects, sells, and restores pottery. He went into great detail, much to my dismay. In fact, he talked excitedly about such things as the different kinds of sandpaper, types of glue, and the difficulty of matching blue paint with pottery. Even when my own eyes glazed over with boredom, he refused to acknowledge this, and continued to talk about the wonders of pottery.

When he was finished with these stories, he went on to talk about friends who collect and antique jewelry and guns. Then, he asked me what I was interested in collecting. I made the mistake of saying music and board games. Mr. Slant owns a book on toys and board games, and proceeded to show this to me … this, of course prolonged the night by a good ½ hour, and dramatically increased the headache that I had developed.

Mercifully, he let me go, but not before asking if anybody in my family collected or sold antiques. Having not learned my lesson, I informed him that my uncle collects antique radios. His eyes brightened … but thankfully, I was already out the door, and told him that we could continue our interesting dialogue next week during cards … unfortunately, next week is now here. Gulp!

Laundry Done Right!

On every Friday after work, I drive my shirts to my mom’s house so that she can clean and properly iron them … she insists on doing this. My mom has always tried to go the extra mile for her kids. As an example, I probably only mowed my lawn about 5 or 6 times this past year … not because I’m lazy, but because my mom beats me to the punch. Heck, she’s already raked my leaves a few times, and is ready to come back for more.

But I digress. Back to the shirts. So, I bring these shirts to my mom’s house on Friday. Then, get this, she gives me $20 … EVERY WEEK! I tell her there is no need for her to do this …. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the extra cash, but still. This is probably why my mom never got into the laundry or dry cleaning business. I mean, she’d have great clientele, but she’d lose money faster than Leonard Tose in Atlantic City.

Plus, Inga (my mom’s name) continually gives me chocolate when she hand-delivers the shirts on Sunday … yes, folks, the delivery is free-of-charge, as well. This week, it was Snickers, last week, it was Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I’m hoping for Butterfinger next week.

Eww, Gross!

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Pics from our trip

Ugh, another Monday! My wife and I had a great time in Atlantic City and Cape May this weekend. We forgot our camera, but I do have a camera on my phone, and was able to take some pics.

No, we didn’t hit it big in Atlantic City, although my wife did win $180 on the nickel machines (of course, I gave it all back). We did have a nice free dinner at Pickles in Bally’s, and our room was free, so all in all it was fun.

Cape May was decidedly more interesting. We stayed at the Cape May Inn, which, if you are not familiar, looks strangely similar to the house in The Munsters. Shockingly enough, the place is also apparently one of the most haunted houses in Cape May … especially, the fourth floor, which coincidentally was the floor we were staying on. No, we didn’t experience any “ghost action,” but it was still pretty funny. The Inn has a very good location though – right near some really nice shops, restaurants, bars, and the beach. Plus, for some reason, the Inn gave us a $50 credit for the restaurant and bar. Couple that with the highly inexpensive food and drink, and we felt like royalty.

Anyway, here are some pics of Cape May (and Mr. Stinky McSmelly, from the Penn State game):

This is the Cape May Inn – it was opened in 1894 … and it seems as if they tried to keep things the way they were then.

This is the little shopping “district” in Cape May. Since it’s November and the remnants of a hurricane were battering the area, not many people were out.

This is the light house in Cape May … we didn’t tour it, so I can’t really tell ya much about it.

This was the view from our room.

This is Stinky McSmelly … avoid him at all costs!

4 Years, already????

I won’t be posting on Thursday/Friday this week (I know, a truly sad day for Bloggerville), but I have a legitimate excuse. My wife and I are celebrating 4-years of marriage this weekend … in Atlantic City AND Cape May! Atlantic City is a fitting place, considering she took a “gamble” in agreeing to marry me in the first place (sorry folks, I couldn’t resist). Seriously, though, I think she made out ok. 4 years! It seriously feels like a year ago that we got married. I guess time flies when you have fun (that should build up those brownie points with the Mrs.).

So, what have I learned in these 4 years? First, I’ve learned that I REALLY am not creative when it comes to food. I can thank my mom for that. Do you realize it took me going to college to actually try Chinese food? I didn’t try sushi until was with my wife. Heck, on our first real date, we went to a sushi restaurant, and I ordered Chicken Teriyaki … that’s like ordering a hot dog at a steak restaurant. I’m getting better, but I still have a ways to go. My wife loves going to fancy restaurants, and making culinary concoctions. I’d rather just get a burger and fries (point of pain, folks).

I love sports and sports entertainment, and my wife loves reality tv shows and any “news” surrounding celebrities. Hence, we have 4 televisions in our house. But, we have both compromised a bit. My wife is in a fantasy football league that I’m part of … and she’s currently in first place. I agreed to watch Top Chef with her this summer, and hey, I kind of liked it (however, no chance of me watching American Idol this year).

My wife likes to sleep in on weekends, and clean the house at odd hours of the night during the week. I like to relax, blog, and practice guitar during the week, get up early on weekends, and complete chores.

Somehow, we still find a common ground, and time to love each other. I guess Paula Abdul was right – Opposites DO attract! I love you, cutie (that’s to my wife – not to you, my fellow bloggers … although I think you are all great in your own ways …).

The Butt-Guys!

This weekend was not like other weekends … no – I had tickets to go to the Penn State vs. Ohio State game in Happy Valley … the game of the year for Nittany Lions fans … and a chance for JoePa’s boys to take on the number one team in the land on national television … sure, they ended up losing, but I got some great stories!

First, since we got the tickets just a few weeks ago, we were unable to get a place to stay in or around State College … normally not a huge issue, except the game was a night game, and there aren’t many hotels to begin with … couple that with our 3-hour ride (that’s without traffic, folks), and it was going to be a looooooonnnnnnnggggg day.

No need to worry, my friend Ivan and I were up for the challenge. We brought some necessities … mainly consisting of beer, and were planning on sleeping in the truck after the game for a few hours, until traffic died down. “Thankfully,” we didn’t have to worry about that, as the Buckeyes were well on their way to kicking our ass by the end of the third quarter … that’s when we ended up leaving, beating traffic, and making it home at a “reasonable” hour … reasonable, as in 2:45 a.m.

However, there were a few more “highlights” to the trip. First and foremost, I ate at a Sonic for the first time ever. This has been a dream of mine since I first saw those goofy commercial about 10 years ago … problem was that Sonic hadn’t made it to Pennsylvania … however, if you are traveling out near Morgantown, a Sonic now awaits you! Let me tell ya something, folks, those burgers were awesome! The fries were very good to … and the selection is top notch! Plus, you get to order AND eat in your car, like a drive-in … very cool! We need one of these a little closer to Philly, darn-it!

As for the game, Ivan secured us some really great seats – right around the 10-yard-line about 30 rows up (this stadium sits 110,000 people, mind you). The weather, which was not-so-good the entire week, cleared up, and the conditions were perfect for football (in my estimation, of course). Just one problem with the tickets …. I was forced to sit next to a guy who apparently was related to a skunk … ladies, and gentlemen, the man stunk … it was as if he had taken a nap with a turd blanket. I swear, this guy must’ve crapped himself on more than one occasion that night … and he swayed like he was Stevie Wonder … I’m not sure he even realized where he was. Folks, I would’ve rather have watched the game in an overused outhouse in the middle of the summer … I thought this guy was going to at some point “share” the alcohol he had consumed for close to 12 hours with me … thankfully, he merely passed out … money well spent!

All in all, it was a great time – except for the game, of course.

P.S. I was able to take a picture of this pile-of-manure-of-a-guy ... however, blogger was uncooperative. I'll try to post this later.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

On Saturday night, the wife and I had the pleasure of going out to dinner with Reverse and his wife. For those not in the know, Reverse is a former co-worker of mine, and still a very good friend. And surprise, surprise – he’s Jewish. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I AM capable of being friends with anyone, even though I am of German heritage (of course, I hate ham, and am not crazy about potatoes … so maybe my parents adopted me, or something.

But, we had a great time, lots of laughs. We went to the Iron Hill in Media for dinner – we didn’t realize that Media was having their Jazz Fest, and the place was crowded. Plus, Iron Hill was still celebrating Oktoberfest, and had these Bavarian flags hanging from the ceiling. It prompted Reverse to say that he wanted to take one of those flags and make a cape out of it, and run through the jazz crowd with it. We then came up with an idea for a new superhero – Bavarian-man! His super-powers would include shooting beer at criminals and intoxicating them. His sidekick would be, “The Brat,” and the main villain would be “The Wurst.” Good times!

We later went to the Town House, and hung out at the bar – very tacky, but so tacky that it was cool. The bar had two huge moose-heads hanging from the wall, and many other items that would’ve made Bennigans jealous. When we left the bar, we swear we walked right by M. Night Shyamalon … I guess it’s possible because he lives in the area. Hopefully, he’ll start creating some good movies again.

Anyway, it was nice to hang with Reverse again – I don’t get to see him, or the others at Lockheed enough anymore.

More "Pillow" Talk

There was a time in my life where I needed total silence to sleep … which was troublesome, considering we lived right near the airport and train tracks. I would never be able to fall asleep when the tv was on, or if music was playing … heck, I had a tough time falling asleep with a fan on.

Funny how things change. NOW, I have a really tough time falling asleep when there is no noise in the background. I toss and turn more than a death-row inmate (does that comparison even make sense?). I, at the very least need some sort of white noise in the background, like a fan … heck, I even have a fan on in the winter-time just for the rhythmic sound.

My wife likes the tv on, and although it takes me a little longer to fall asleep with the tube on, I end up doing so anyway … I will fall asleep rather easily to the news, or any Bob Ross painting show (the guy was hypnotic – he would start off with a white canvass, talking about adding some happy trees to the canvass … I would close my eyes for what seemed like a few seconds, then I’d wake up, and ½ hour had gone by, in this guy just created a masterpiece … I’m not sure if it was his subtle voice, his crazy afro, or a combination of both … best naps I ever had).

Anyway, I’ve given you guys two weird sleeping “fetishes” I have. I wanted to see if you had any to share. C’mon, don’t be nervous!

Pillow Obsession!

Pillow Obsession

I’m pretty easygoing about everything – I don’t really care which kind of soda I’m drinking, I like the shore just as much as I like the mountains, and I’m really willing to drink just about any type of beer. However, there is one quirky thing I need. And that, my friends is down-feather pillows when I sleep. If you must know, I prefer three of them, however, I can make do with one if needed.

Strange, you may say. I agree fully with you. But, that’s just the way it is. When I went to college, I had to pack my down-feather pillows with me. When I sleep over somebody’s house, I HAVE to bring my down-feather pillows. My wife has prevented me from bringing them to hotels, and it bothers the hell out of me … thankfully, many of the hotels in Atlantic City apparently know about me, and make sure that these types of pillows are available when I get there.

I know there are quite a few people out there who probably can’t sleep on down-feather pillows because of allergies. I think the worst thing that could ever happen to me is to develop one of these allergies … I’m not sure how I’d ever be able to get a good night’s sleep again … I’m sure I would look for the help of some good alcohol.

An Important Dilemma!

I guess I first noticed this phenomenon many years ago with my dad, but was reminded of it just recently with a fellow coworker. What could I possibly be talking about? War? UFO’s? Political preferences? No, no, and no. This is something much more important … cereal preferences.

Let me explain … my dad eats corn flakes for breakfast every morning … I know, I know, you are probably asking, “What the hell is so unusual about that?” Let me continue … he pours his cereal into the bowl, adds the milk, and then lets it sit for about 5 minutes or so, to make the flakes soggy. This is how he enjoys his cereal – totally soggy. I thought this was a rather quirky and unique preference, until a coworker of mine told me that he prefers his cereal this way too.

In fact, the coworker went a step further and said that he hates cereal that doesn’t get soggy … you know the kind – Cocoa Puffs, Cap’n Crunch, Kellogs Pops. I was blown away by this. I, by no means play cereal favorites. In fact, I end up buying whatever’s on sale – whether it’s healthy cereal or kids cereal (although, I have to admit, there is no way I’m buying Grape Nuts – I’ve had that before, and it’s like eating gravel).

I’d have to say that I prefer my cereal to stay crunchy, though, so I eat it as soon as I pour the milk on it. I love Raisin Bran cereal, but one of the things I dislike is how quickly the flakes become soggy … it’s kind of like the texture of cold soup.

Anyway, I wanted to see how you guys and gals prefer your cereal. Is there really a split in this nation as to whether cereal should be eaten crunchy or soggy? Help me out on this one!

Good Luck, Ivan!

Today is indeed a sad day for me, for my coworker, we’ll call him “Ivan,” is transitioning to another department. You see, Ivan was my mentor at Vanguard, and a damn good one at that. 10 months ago, when I “came aboard,” he was the guy that took me under his wings, and showed me the ropes. I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor.

It’s always tough when you start a new job – you don’t know anybody, you are unsure if you’ll ever fit in, and you have doubts as to whether you can even do the job. Ivan took care of all of this for me. He immediately helped to immerse me into the department, showed me the ropes, and most importantly, became a good friend.

Sure, we’ll always be friends – we’re going to try to meet up for lunch once a week, and I’m sure we’ll hang out, outside of work from time-to-time. But, I’ll miss having him around the office – being able to go to his desk and ask idiotic questions about stuff I was working on, but most of all just shooting the breeze (no, I’m not gay).

I wish him the best of luck in his new endeavors – he’ll be fine. But, the department he’s leaving will never be the same. Good luck, Ivan!

A Little This, A Little That ...

Just a couple of other items about me because … well, because I can’t think of anything to write about:

Favorite fast food French fry.
This used to be easy for me – McDonalds fries all the way. But, I gotta say, I’m a big fan of the Chick Fil-A waffle fries. Hey, I even like the Arby’s curly fries. At this point, it’s pretty much a dead-heat.

Favorite newer band:
If I had put down my favorite band, this would be far too easy – that would be the Stones. However, I wanted to make it challenging, because that’s the kind of guy I am. I totally love Electric Six – I’ve seen them on a few occasions at the Khyber in Philly (basically an oven). Sure, their third album wasn’t anywhere near as good as their first one, but still. I just downloaded their fourth cd (I-Tunes), and I gotta tell ya, they made a heckuva comeback – I’m halfway through it, and I absolutely love it! They are apparently coming to Philly in November – maybe the Rev and I will go see them again.

Interesting childhood memory:
I remember thinking that any sports team I was on or that I followed was destined to win a championship. Boy, did that theory come crashing down on me. My first tee-ball game, my team lost like 13-0. I remember being so upset and crying hysterically … how could this be happening to me? I had much the same reaction when my sports teams lost. For instance, when the Flyers lost the Stanley Cup to the Islanders in 1980, I remember getting so upset that I actually threw up.

Potato dislike
Shockingly enough, I’m a picky eater. I prefer noodles to any form of potato (with the exception of French fries, but that doesn’t count, really). I get upset at breakfast places that force home fries on me. I would rather have tater tots, fries, or even grits. I consider home fries as a filler, and should be replaced with more eggs and/or bacon. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll eat potatoes, but I really don’t care for them.

Favorite movie growing up:
I gotta tell ya, when I was like 7, I remember seeing a movie in the theatres called “They Call Me Bruce.” I thought this movie was probably the funniest movie that was ever created …. And that the rest of my life would be a waste, because I had already seen the Holy Grail of comedies. About a year ago, I saw a copy of They Call Me Bruce in a Best Buy bin for $5.00. I thought this may be the best money that I would ever spend. I immediately purchased it, and went home to watch it. Ladies and gentlemen, the movie sucked balls. I couldn’t believe that I had just been “Bruced.” By the way, that is a term I came up with after watching this movie. This is any time you go back and watch a movie you loved as a child, and realize it sucks.

King of the Dips**ts

Don’t know how many of you saw this, but a few nights ago at the Yankees vs. Indians game, LeBron James, basketball star for the Cleveland Cavs … and a guy who grew up not far from Cleveland, had a Yankees cap on at the game, and basically said that he hoped the Indians individually do well, but he hoped the Yankees would win. So much for all of that fan-support that you got in Cleveland, Bron-Bron, you front-running imbecile.

You know, I just expect sports players to be a little smarter than that. Even if he HAD grown up in the Bronx, he probably shouldn’t have been wearing that Yankees cap in Cleveland. What a douche-bag. He has even professed to be a Cowboys fan. Seriously, LeBron, is your favorite hockey team the Detroit Red Wings? Do you wish you were playing for the Lakers? If you had a chance to go to college, would you have gone to Duke? Do you change your favorite sports teams every year, depending on who wins?

Man, I used to like this guy. Now, I can’t stand him. You think his agent almost had a heart-attack that night? So much for all of that local advertising Bron-Bron could’ve made this year. I hope he tears both of his ACL tendons in training camp … then we can see him on the sideline with his New York Yankees three-piece suit. Did I mention I think this guy is a douche-bag?

What does he expect from the Cleveland fans now? Does he think they’ll forget about this? Unless he wins this city 3 championships, I’m pretty sure he’ll be about as popular in Cleveland as Jose Mesa and Ernest Byner (look ‘em up). I thought this guy was very mature for his age … now, I don’t think this guy has a clue what maturity means.

What a slap to the face of the entire city of Cleveland. I hope the Tribe sweeps the Bronx Bombers … then, I’d like to see somebody interview this heaping, steaming, pile of LeBron. My guess is that he’ll backpedal faster than a clown on a unicycle.

LeBron, I think I might like you less than Kobe now. Go figure.

Just Like Old Times ... Sorta

Last night, I went to see Van Halen at the Comcast Center … not really a big deal, I guess, especially since I’ve seen them quite a few times in the past. BUT, this time around, Diamond Dave was back leading the band for the first time since 1984, and this was my first opportunity to see them with him fronting the band (I saw them twice with Sammy Hagar, and once with Gary Sharone). Also, instead of Michael Anthony laying the bass down, Eddie Van Halen decided to instead insert his 16-year-old son Wolfgang as the bassist (more on that later).

First, let me say that Eddie Van Halen is by far the greatest guitarist I’ve ever seen. Sure, now he looks more like Skelator (Keith Richards thinks this guy looks bad), but to this day, he still is a wizard with the axe. I’ve seen some of the best – Clapton, Townsend, Angus – but they just can’t compete with this guy.

David Lee Roth’s voice was still very much intact, and let’s face it, even though Sammy did sing some of the Dave songs when he was with Van Halen, nobody does it like Diamond Dave. A couple of things, though – Dave acted more like a lounge singer than the lead vocalist of Van Halen (the one we remember from the videos). Plus, the hair-cut that Dave has, combined with that goofy smile he had, made him look more like Steve Martin’s brother.

Alex Van Halen is amazing behind the drums, and if his brother wasn’t the lead guitarist of Van Halen, Alex would probably get some consideration as being one of the best rock drummers of all-time. That being said, do we really need a 10-minute drum solo from him? Maybe it’s just me.

Wolfgang is no replacement for Michael Anthony. In fact, Wolfgang looked more like Bill Wyman … a fat Bill Wyman … than Eddie’s son. One person described Wolfgang as looking as if he had eaten Michael Anthony (high comedy). Still, one has to understand that the kid is only 16. I mean, I’d probably try to stay out of the way of Dave and Eddie as well. Plus, now that Wolfgang is in the band, he might carry on the Van Halen legacy even long after Dave and Eddie retire or die … kind of like Menudo.

All in all, a great show. Certainly, it was way different than the other Van Halen shows I saw – It’s a totally different band with Dave leading. Plus, they only played Dave songs … the more rockin’ Van Halen tunes.