My wife and I were enjoying a glass of wine with dinner the other night, and it reminded me of a time when I was just a youngster. My parents would also enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, and for some reason they allowed me to have just a splash of wine with my ginger ale. This made me feel like a grown-up, as I was eating my chicken nuggets. “Mom, this is really good wine,” was a common response that came from me, as I sipped my Canada Dry and Carlo Rossi concoction. Truthfully, as a child, I really enjoyed the taste of the ginger ale better by itself, but wanted to be more like a grown up.
My parents allowed me to do other grown up things whilst I was a youth. For instance, my parents never thought twice of allowing me to have a cup of coffee for breakfast … folks, I was a hyper 5-year old as it was – the coffee probably didn’t help. Sure, it was probably more like half a cup of milk, half coffee, and about 5 teaspoons of sugar, but still.
My obsession with growing up was insatiable. I remember being at a picnic over my neighbor’s house. The neighbor, who was kind of like the funny guy of the neighborhood, and I got to talking. I was probably around 3 or 4 at the time. I admired his beard, and expressed how I would very much like to grow one myself. The neighbor, without skipping a beat, gave me the “secret” of growing a beard. He said that I needed to rub beer on my face, and this would help stimulate the growth of hair on my face. Heck, the guy could’ve told me to rub dog sh*t on my face, and I probably would’ve believed him. The neighbor, drinking a can of Budweiser, proceeded to pour some of it on my hands, so that I could saturate my cheeks and chin with the cold gold. I never grew the beard, but I’m sure my parents enjoyed the fact that I smelled like the guy at end of any bar.
Do any of you remember stories like this?
Passing The Baton
11 months ago
10 comments:
I don't have any of these stories.
Mainly because I never really grew up.
Nowadays beer tends to make us much less grown up.
I remember tellin' dames that sperm was good for their complexion...they never bought into it tho'...It was shortly after that when I started seein' skanks..The neat thing about that was that THEY would tell ME 'bout that...This truly is one great country..
Lotsa myths out there...
Sincerely,
"Smokin' stunts yer growth"
Warm Pabst on a hot day when I was 10. Yes, my dad laughed his ass off.
Shavin, everytime i saw my dad shave i wanted too
now i cant stand it
I remember one time I wanted to be more grown up - I was at a neighbor's house, saw an open can of been sitting there and decided to take a huge gulp. Well, it was a gulp of beer - and cigarette ashes!! My throat didn't stop burning for an hour. Ugh!
I used to like coffee with creamer in it. My gradparents would put a splash of coffee and hot water w/ a heapping creamer powder in it. They called it coffee and I felt all grown up.
Of course by 10 I was drinking it black and they kept threating me that it would stunt my growth...hmmm I am 5 10...so how much taller would I be had I not drank all the coffee???
heheheheheh
cute story!
When I was five my cousin told me my boobs would grow if I pinched them every day.
I did.
They finally grew when I was TWELVE!
Rev - But you did grow out ...
Jeff - Mmmmm .... beer!
Stevo - Yep, that line didn't work for me, either.
Christina - It ain't a good bar unless it has PBR on tap!
Elp - I remember this. My dad would let me shave, but he put the "protective plastic thingy" on the razor.
-B- - Ummm ... barf!
Superstar - I'm about 5'10'' - I could've been a basketball player, if I just laid off the java!
Steph - Ouch!!!!!!!
I remember tying myself to a rocking chair with my hair riibons when I was 3 or 4. I wanted to know what it was like to be in jail.
I was a weird child. And am still weird. .... Barbra Peapod
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