Semi-Regular Reviews

Once every now and again, I feel the urge to share some reviews on recently purchased movies, music, video games, etc. This is one of those times. Enjoy:


Recently Seen Movies:
* Knocked Up – This movie is chocked full of one-liners, many laugh-out-loud scenes, and some embarrassingly funny moments. This will most likely be the most quoted movie of the summer … unless Superbad steals this title away.

* Pirates 3 – The writers seem to be going with more and more theatrical moments, and relying less and less on creating a story. Still, it was a relatively good movie, and the Keith Richards cameo is worth the price of the ticket itself (yeah, I’m a Stones fan).


Recently Purchased Movies:
* Crash – Yep, this was in the discount rack, but man, what a great flick. If you can find it for $5 or less, it is definitely worth it. Lots of great acting, even a surprisingly good performance from Brendan Frazer.

Music:

* The Bravery, The Sun and the Moon – If you liked their first release, you’ll love this one. This could be the band that challenges the Killers, much like The Beatles had the Stones rivalry. They definitely got a 1980’s Psychedelic Furs sound, with touches of techno in some songs, but most of the album gets your toes tapping.

* Razorlight, by Razorlight – Surprisingly good album that doesn’t jump out at you right away, however, the melodies seem to stick in your head for hours. Lots of influences here – U2, The Pretenders, Springsteen, Squeeze, and maybe even a little INXS if you listen closely. Delicate songs are interwoven with some really catchy rockers.

* The Kaiser Chiefs, Yours Truly, Angry Mob – Much like the first release, very incomplete. There are some really good tracks, but it seems like I keep hitting the next song button entirely too much. If you like Britpop, you’ll probably dig this album, but much like the first one, there are too many throw-away songs.

Video Games (for PS2):

* Guitar Hero 2 – In a word, amazing! I’m speechless on how cool they made this game. A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and he said, “I know I’m not actually playing guitar, but this game makes me feel like I am.” The choices of songs used in this are interesting, yet cool. The characters you can unlock, the encores that you play, the multi-player options – just plain crazy. I went out and purchased the wireless guitar, as well as pre-ordering the Guitar Hero 1980’s edition which comes out towards the end of July. You HAVE to get this game.

* Hard Rock Casino – I got this one in the discount rack for $9.99. Worth every penny and more. Not only do they have just about every slot and table game you can imagine in the casino (including War), they have sportsbook betting. Plus, the adventure mode offers you the thrill of trying to complete specific tasks to get to higher levels.

* Mark Davis Pro Bass Challenge – Got this one for $4.99, and again, worth every penny. The only issue I have with the game is that there isn’t a huge variety with regards to places to fish. However, the tournaments are great, and adds the interesting aspect of having to qualify for these tournaments. Plus, trying to find the big bass, while trying to avoid those annoying bluegills is a lot of fun.

* Pro Stroke Golf – Another $9.99 purchase, and another great buy. Sure, it’s not Tiger Woods golf, but the graphics are good, the complexity of the game is a nice touch, and qualifying for specific golf events and beating a ton of challenges makes this game very playable for quite a while.

Knuckle-Heads!

A coworker and I got to talking today about an interesting news story. Apparently, there was some sort of vandal who was spraying graffiti on cars (I think) … The “interesting” note about the story is that he got caught when cops found a digital camera in his car with pictures of each of the cars he vandalized … I mean this has “wet-bandits” written all over it (look it up).

It amazes me how some people can just be that stupid. I mean, there had to be a point that this guy had to have thought to himself, “is this really the smartest thing to be doing?.” Am I right? Or, is this guy missing a chromosome … or gray matter?

My coworker had a similar event happen to his neighbor just a few days before. Some kids had driven by and spray-painted “420” on the side of his white van. Nobody got a good view of the vehicle or the perpetrators, but thanks to sheer stupidity that even O.J. would wince at, one of the kids got caught. How? I’m glad ya asked! Apparently, they found his ID on the ground near one of the cars that was vandalized. I guess stupidity knows no bounds sometimes.

This story reminded me of one I heard in which somebody held-up a potential victim and asked for all his money. The “victim” said he didn’t have any money but he could write him a check. The robber gladly agreed to this, and ended up trying to cash the check … he was apprehended immediately.

If you have any interesting stories to tell, please, share!

Cleveland Really Does Rock!

Well, I survived Cleveland … in all seriousness though, what a great town! It is very clean, and is small enough that you can walk just about anywhere. Plus, it is very reasonably priced. Just a few highlights from our trip:

* Did you know that Cleveland has the country’s 34th biggest airport? Seriously, they promote this.

* The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is really cool … shame that Philly and its unions screwed this one up. Big victory for Cleveland.

* The entire city was pretty bummed with the Cavs getting swept in the NBA finals. They really loved the fact that I was asking if anybody had extra tickets for game 5. They really got annoyed when I said, “If the Cavs can win game 5, the first 4 games won’t matter.”

* Christie’s was our gentleman’s club of choice … thanks to my one friend’s ability to find free passes online. One problem though – the service charge for an ATM in this place was $12 … don’t ask me how I know this.

* A cool bar to visit in Cleveland is called Little Jimmy’s. They had great food, good music, good prices, and great employees. We couldn’t ask for anything more.

* Jacobs field is a great venue to watch baseball. It was a shame that the Tribe lost to the Braves. We still had a lot of fun.

* The Residence Inn was where we stayed – right in the center of the city, and really nice rooms. Plus, they had a complimentary breakfast, and although there was no bacon included, we still enjoyed this.

* Another cool bar to visit is the Map Room … just don’t go there if you are in the mood for anything to eat but pizza … I warned you.

Cleveland Rocks .... I think.

This Friday morning, I, along with two other college buddies, are heading to Cleveland … that’s right, Cleveland. I’m not really sure how we came to the decision to go here, but what the hell. Maybe it’s because the rock and roll hall of fame is located there … maybe it’s because they have a really cool ballpark … maybe it’s because I have a strong resemblance to Drew Carey.

So, here are some things we’ll be doing in Cleveland (please, add some, if you have any other suggestions):

* Sometime on Friday, we’ll visit the rock and roll hall of fame, and pay homage to Mick Jagger … well, at least I’ll be paying homage to Mick.
* We have tickets to the Indians vs. Braves baseball game … I’m hoping they have a pregame wrestling match between Wahoo McDaniel and Chief Jay Strongbow.
* My one friend, who is a certifiable pervert, has already come up with a list of “gentleman’s establishments” in the area.
* There will be much drinking … which will lead to “conversations” with other Clevelandites on the following:
* How they’ve managed to survive living in a dumpster like Cleveland for so long.
* When they plan on fielding a real professional football team again.
* When the next time they plan on setting that lake on fire would be.
* If they can explain the Craig Ehlo experience.
* How long they plan on riding this Jim Brown thing.

Yep, we’ll be just fine.

DBT 2K7!!!!

This past Saturday was year three of our public transportation dive bar tour. This was my brother’s brainchild – instead of renting a van or bus to travel to local bars of, let’s just say, questionable standards, we would instead journey to bars via Septa. We discovered that it was certainly much cheaper, both because of Septa as well as these bars fantastically low beer and food prices.

However, this year, we added a new twist. Instead of just using the Septa busses, we actually used the train as well. Once again, we had a fantastic time. Here are some of the highlights, other than the train.

* The first bar we went to, Max Magees, had just opened (noon), and we were the first customers. The owner was so happy we were there, that he gave us a round of Southern Comfort shots … ok, maybe he wasn’t happy with us, and that’s why we got the SoCo.

* The Burgundy Lounge, probably the dankest of stops this year, decided not to use air conditioning … it certainly got us out of there quicker.

* We stopped at Pogue Mahones, which used to be Maximillian’s, the bar that Vince Papale used to tend at (if you don’t know Papale, you need to rent Invincible.)

* One of our stops was The New Moon, which used to be called the Blue Moon ... the first U.S. bar I ever had a beer in … a few years before I was 21.

* We had a dinner stop at the Italian Delight … which was once in the MacDade Mall, and then moved to an old Pizza Hut location. What is noteworthy about this is that the owners of the Italian Delight spent about $0 renovating this place … but hey, the pizza was really good.

* One of our last stops was Rick’s, and they were having a high school graduation party … I found it interesting that a bar would host something like a high school graduation.

* The last bar on the tour was Durty Nelly’s, about a block from my house (great planning!). The interesting part about this bar was that we met two women who had obviously been there for a while. In fact, one of the women showed us a picture she took on her cell phone. This is normally not a big deal … but, the picture she took was of her genitals … I kid you not. She had three piercings, so it made it look like some sort of fleshy Christmas tree … ah, good times.

* We finished the night out by going back to my place (not with the women), and playing Guitar Heroes … I have to say that I am probably better at playing this game whilst drunk … weird. The unfortunate thing is that we played for about three hours, and repeated quite a few of the songs, which was all that ended up being in my head while I was trying to sleep.

All in all, a great day/night … nothing like 13 ½ hours of drinking … my liver thanks me.

This and That ...

Since I can’t think of anything to write, here are some weird things I’ve noticed about myself:

1. I feel like I could sleep late on weekdays, but on weekends I get up early.
2. I am left handed at hockey but right handed at golf.
3. I dislike reality shows, but I like pro wrestling.
4. I enjoyed the Godfather movies, but I can’t get into the Sopranos.
5. I love to play the hand-held Yahtzee game whilst taking a dump.
6. I get upset when somebody uses the urinal right next to me when another urinal is open.
7. I enjoy having the fan on when I sleep … even in the winter time.
8. I am obsessed with infomercials … probably because of the poor acting.
9. In my circle of friends (or circles), I feel like I’m Jerry Seinfeld.
10. I get annoyed with people who always try to one-up me with stories.
11. I have a problem with steak and eggs, because I feel that one is for breakfast, and the other is for dinner, and the two should not be mixed.
12. People collect lots of things – baseball cards, Hummel figurines … I collect cds.
13. I think I would be a far better program manager than just about any in the Philadelphia radio market.
14. I like the smell of hot asphalt when it rains.

I Got Your Low Car Diet Right Here!

This past Saturday was my 35th birthday, and … oh man … I’m crossing into a new marketing demographic now … sigh! However, leave it to me to welcome in such a traumatic situation with style … mainly a keg party with burgers, dogs, wings … and of course friends and family (and whoever else decided to show up). First and foremost, let me once again thank all that attended for helping me to celebrate such a momentous occasion.

Next, let me highlight some of the moments of the afternoon/evening/night/early morning:

* First, I barbecued for around 3 hours … sure, I started off sober, but that’s not how I finished … somehow I only burnt myself one time. And thankfully, it was extremely hot and humid … just good times all around.

* My brother brought over his Baggo game … I think they changed the original name of it, as the true name of the game is “Corn-Hole.” And, no … this wasn’t some weird sex party …

* I got a lot of really cool gifts … lots of liquor and beer, the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums of All Time book, and Guitar Heroes 2 for Playstation 2 … if you haven’t played this, you must stop reading this blog right now, go to the nearest Best Buy, and try it out … we ended up playing this for the better part of 4 hours towards the end of the night/beginning of the morning … not an easy task whilst intoxicated.

* A good cheese to put on burgers is Pepperjack … it works much better than American cheese.
I had to wake up bright and early the next morning to pick up my parents … this in itself was a feat of strength … I think.

* People were upset that I didn’t cook up any ribs, like the ones I had last year … truthfully, I forgot all about them … didn’t realize that they were so popular … they’ll be back next year.

Back to Work .... NOOOOOO!!!!!

Just mere days from my 35th birthday … ugh, I’m getting old. Truthfully, I don’t feel old, but I have noticed that during the few times that I’m actually performing some strenuous work for an extended period of time (which, of course eliminates sex from the conversation), that my recovery time is increasing. Whilst in San Francisco, we did a lot of walking … in case you weren’t aware, San Fran has a ton of frickin’ hills. I estimated that we probably walked more than 5 miles one day … which felt like close to a million with the hills factored in.

The really good news about this whole thing was that I neglected to pack my cross-training sneakers, and just wore a pair of new Converse sneaks that weren’t broken in. The pain that I experienced that night and the following day was not good … like when I had to go to the movies once with an ex-girlfriend to see the remake of “That Darn Cat.” My calves looked like Popeye’s arms for a few days, which is probably a good thing, I guess.

Anyway, today was my first day back at work, and let me tell ya, it wasn’t easy. I wasn’t used to getting up at a prescribed time, because of vacation. So, when that alarm clock sounded off at 6:00 a.m. this morning, I felt like crushing every atomic particle that made up that sum-bitch. As the day went on, I got more and more groggy. I felt like I could fall asleep at any minute on the ride home. Thankfully, it’s a short work week … and, did I mention my birthday is on Saturday? Good times!

California, There I Was ...

I’m back from California, and man do I feel more sophisticated … but don’t worry, I’ll snap back into my normal self soon enough! It was a phenomenal trip – one that I highly recommend. I’ll give ya some highlights, because … well, because that’s the kind of guy I am.

San Fran
* Alcatraz … if you are going to San Francisco for the first time, this HAS to be on your to-do list. What a fantastic tour! The history surrounding this “rock” is amazing. Scenically, it is breath-taking, and you can get some great pictures of the city, as well as the Golden Gate Bridge.

* Chinatown – This one puts Philly’s Chinatown to shame. Great restaurants, fantastic shops, and really great photo-opportunities.

* Fisherman’s Wharf – I was actually a little disappointed in this area. It was WAY too commercial. It’s nice to see, I guess, but don’t spend too much time there.

* Japanese Tea Gardens – Much smaller than I expected, and NO friggin’ Koi – even though the brochure said so.

* At the Cathedral Hill Hotel bar, we met some semi-famous people, including a former foreign correspondent for Australia named Warrick Blood, and the director for that HBO show Cathouse … I forget her name, but I think it was either Jill or Julie.

* Everybody in San Fran is under the Barry Bonds spell – you can’t say anything bad about the guy without people jumping to his defense.

* Sour-dough bread – My god, this was fantastic. I couldn’t get enough of it. We need a good one of these stores in Philly!

Wine Country
* Sterling Winery – This is in Calestoga, the far north part of Napa. You take a gondola ride to the top, and the views are ridiculous. I highly suggest taking the ride to this one.

* Robert Modavi winery – Very classy winery. I recommend paying the $25 for the tour – I learned a lot.

* Gloria Fererra – They produce champagne here, and some really good and strong stuff. I think I drank to flutes of champagne in the 1.5 hours I was there, and I felt buzzed. Maybe it was the air, or the fact that I hadn’t eaten in about 7 hours – who knows, but this was some really good champagne.

* Brick’s – This isn’t a winery, but a restaurant. We sat outside. The view was awesome. The food was really good, and they had a great selection of wines to go along with it. The waiters were very helpful in choosing a good wine to go along with any of the entrees.

* Mumm’s - This was another “champagnery,” and was delightful as well. As with most of the winery’s, the view was great.

* Sutter Home – Yeah, we went there too, just because I’ve actually had this wine before (translation – very inexpensive). Outside of that, not much to talk about.

* So, I’ve gotten better with wine. I’ve learned that I like the white’s a lot better, however, I can handle some of the reds. I have also learned how to properly examine a wine, sniff the bouquet, and taste the wine. Still, I’m a bigger fan of beer, but at least I’ve gained an appreciation for wine.

California, Here I Come ... Part 2

This will be my last post for at least a week … have I had enough of blogging? No – I’m going on vacation. Specifically, the wife and I will be traveling out to San Francisco, where we’ll spend two days enjoying the city and its splendor. We already have our trip to Alcatraz booked for Sunday, and we plan on seeing the Japanese Tea Garden, as well as that zig zag street.

Then, on Monday, we travel to the Napa Valley. Now, I’m no wine drinker. In fact, I probably couldn’t distinguish between a cabernet and a merlot. But, that’s o.k. – I’m willing to learn. And what better place, than the Napa Valley! We have an idea of some of the wineries we will be visiting, and we can’t wait to eat at some scenic restaurants as well.

Here are just a few of the things I’d like to accomplish in California:

* Kick Barry Bonds repeatedly on his knees until they fall off.
* Ask somebody in Napa where the Chateau de Thunderbird is.
* Say hello to the Governator.
* Ask the trolley driver to take me to Rice-a-Roni.
* Mention to all the locals how much nicer San Diego is.

If you have any other suggestions, let me know! See y’all in a week!

Finally!

I just want to warn any of you Jerry Falwell lovers out there, you should probably not read on …. Hey, I warned you.

In case you didn’t hear the news, the “loveable” Jerry Falwell has passed on … to where, I’m not really sure … but the important thing is that he is outta our hair. For a man who was so “devoted” to Christianity, I’m not sure Christ would’ve gotten along with him too well. Jesus always preached forgiveness and understanding … so did Falwell, as long as the understanding you were doing was about his agenda.

If taken literally, Falwell basically considered more than 80% of the human population (sure, I’m making that number up, but not really) to be evil. Why? Well, most aren’t Christians. Yep, if you believe in God, but not Christianity, guess what? You were on Falwell’s hit list. If you ARE a Christian, but not his type of Christian … well, you get the idea.

Of course, his ridiculous remarks in the days, months and years following 9-11, helped to polarize people even more. I’m surprised Al Sharpton never went after the guy … although that would’ve been one heckuva battle, wouldn’t it? I’m just happy I don’t have to hear his ludicrous comments anymore … but I’m sure somebody will fill the vacuum soon enough .

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Since it's Mother's Day, I figure I'd share some "Inga-isms" with you. My mom has become sort of a legend to my friends. You see, she has been in this country (she was born in Germany) for more than 40 years, and she still hasn't gotten this English thing down.
My friends hope that she answers the phone so that they may be blessed with an Inga-ism. What is an Inga-ism, you ask? Well, an Inga-ism is any phrase that my mom says that would normally not make sense if anyone else said it. Enjoy, and remember .... you must read these in your best German accent!

1. "Kal's in the toilet." The grand-daddy of them all! My mom uses this phrase when I'm in the bathroom and can't get to the phone. She has ruined many a date for me in the past.
2. "Kal, do the jellybeans bite?" Mom used this one when we were in Myrtle Beach, in the ocean. My response was, "The red ones are a little spicy."
3. "Kal, would you like a beagle for breakfast?" Don't go to the trouble, just give me a basset hound.
4. "Kal, the smoke detector is empty." Well, fill it back up with smoke!
5. "I'll have prime rib, baked potato, and salad with french fry dressing." McDonalds, I think I have a new idea for you!
6. "Kal's in the basement, making exercise." This is what I'm doing when I should be working out.
7. "Kal, did Pete Samford win Wilmington?" Apparently a new tennis player has won a tournament in Delaware.
8. "Kal, enjoy the boys." This is what she tells me when I go to the bars.
9. "Kurt, go to Olidators to get film for your camera." Olidators is short for National Wholesale Liquidators.
10. "Look at all the big boys!" My mom enjoying my friends.
11. "Kal, would you like some warm chocolate milk?" Hot Chocolate never sounded so good!
12. "Kal, will there be any stripers at the bachelor party?" Mom wanting to know what kind of fish there will be.
13. "Kal, tuck your pants out!" Mom telling me to untuck my pants.
14. "Kal, close the light!" Apparently, the light was left open.
15. "No, I'm sorry. Kal's in Sue." My mom telling a friend I was over at Sue's house.
16. "I called Kal on the cellophone." 6/3/01 I love popping cellophone.
17. "This is girlfriend Sue." 6/3/01 Meet George Jetson.....Daughter Judy...
18. "I would like a strawberry dougherty." Er, I'm sorry, we don't make Dougherty's.
19. "Kal took the salami." But what did I do with it?
20. "Kal, Uncle Ernst won a DD player." Sounds kinky.
21. "Kal, is the ocean big?" Not so big this time of year.
22. "Kal, did you hear about the Amtrak scare?" No, but I did hear about the Anthrax scare.
23. "Kal, you should take your CD player to Circus City." Nah, I hear they hire a bunch of clowns!
24. "Kal, you should put silicone on your sunburn." That way I could increase it's size.
25. "I saw people putting down $100 on Jack Black." He is a pretty good actor, I guess.
26. "I like the socks with the holes in them (fishnet stockings)." I have plenty of those.
27. "I hope they don't put up another CVS or Greenwalls!" If there's one thing I can't stand, it's another one of those Greenwalls!
28. "I think Demon's has better ribs than Applebey's." They are devilishly good!
29. "I would like the fried chimps." Inga, ordering the fried shrimp at Red Lobster.
30. "Do you want an advertiser?" Inga, asking if anybody would like appetizers.

Holy Makeup, Batman!

In a “sad” turn of events, Tammy Faye Messner has announced that she has inoperable cancer and is down to a puny 65 pounds. In case the name doesn’t sound familiar, she used to be known as Tammy Faye Bakker, part of the “diabolically” religious show, the PTL club. And though I never wish anything like this on anybody (except for Barry Bonds), I have a hard time feeling sorry for her … before you throw something at me, let me explain.

I remember when I was just a young Los, going through the channels and trying to find something on television in the mornings … this was before we had cable TV … even before we had a television with a remote control (seriously). I inevitably would pass by the PTL club, and had to sit back and watch a few minutes of this circus. Every time, it would be the same thing – Jim, the host, would be doing some sort of heavy praying … almost being brought to tears … concentrating so hard that I thought he was going to take a growler in his pants.

And, right on cue, the camera would pan over to Tammy, who looked like she was skull-f*cked by a gang of angry clowns. The tears were rolling off of her face, taking some of the astronomical amounts of makeup with them and leaving hideous blackish trails all over her face.

I was amazed that anybody in their right mind would call in to give money to this show, but apparently there were a few suck… er, Christians who were hypnotized enough by this car-wreck of a show that would actually call in and give large sums of money. Of course, after a few years, some Clouseau exposed a major scandal, and the PTL ended. Jim Bakker probably had that constipated look on his face, because he was hiding the big wads of cash where the sun don’t shine.

As luck would have it, Tammy wasn’t finished. She resurfaced most recently on the Surreal Life tv show, and befriended porn star Ron Jeremy, which makes about as much sense Superman befriending Lex Luther … or something like that.

As an aside, somebody told me that Tammy actually stopped using makeup, and had the “make-up” look tattooed onto her face permanently. As ludicrous as this sounds, I’m guessing this probably saved her a boat-load of money in the long run. I’m pretty sure Revlon, or whatever company she bought from, took a major financial hit when she did this. But I digress …

Anyway, I guess I should end this by saying something nice … but I’m drawing a blank. I just hope that the media do not give her the “Anna Nicole” treatment after she passes … or maybe I should hope that they do, because I’m sure there’ll be a lot of high comedy to come out of it.

Ra-Ra-Ra-Retard ...

I normally try to stay away from doing political-type stories, mostly because I have a hard time stomaching politics (yes, on both sides). However, a recent event occurred that I feel the need to discuss … and no, it doesn’t have anything to do with the Philadelphia Mayoral race (which is quite stomach-turning in its own right). No, this has to do with the governor of New Jersey, Jim Corzine.

As some of you may know, Corzine ultimately replaced Jim McGreevey, the governor who came out of the closet a few years ago, which is news in itself. But, Corzine decided, unintentionally, to try and one-up McGreevey … and, no, he didn’t attempt to videotape a three-some with circus midgets and post it on Youtube … at least, I don’t think he did.

To give you a little background on the state of New Jersey (and no, not the background of it being the armpit of the U.S.), the state was one of the first in the nation to put together tough seat-belt laws. These laws basically make it unaffordable to take the chance of driving your car around without a seatbelt on.

Corzine, being the governor, probably decided that laws don’t apply to him … much like most politicians. He decided not to wear his seatbelt … so far, not that big of a story. However, he was being driven by a state police officer … o.k. getting a little more interesting. The state police officer was driving over 90 miles per hour … wow, getting juicy. And Corzine’s vehicle ended up being involved in a rather serious car wreck.

Corzine had many broken ribs, in addition to a broken leg, and several other injuries … the state trooper, who was wearing his seat-belt, ended up being o.k. A few lessons here – first, seat-belts are pretty important when you think about it. Second, sometimes people have it coming to them … it’s called karma.

As of right now, Corzine hasn’t been charged with anything. But, if it were anybody else, would they have been charged? Is there a double standard here? What would be acceptable for Corzine to do at this point? Is an apology all he really needs to give? If he needs to do more, any suggestions?

Save Music!

I know quite a few people wrote about this already, but I’m a huge fan of internet radio. With terrestrial radio for the most part ruined thanks to some big corporations that have limited the “landscape” of variety on this medium, internet radio was an oasis of vibrance. My site of choice is Live 365.com, and it has more than 10,000 radio stations, ranging from Hawaiian music, to old school rap, to garage bands, to mainstream pop … just about any and all forms of music can be found here.

I bought a Roku, which is basically a bridge that goes from your stereo to a router, and brings internet radio to said stereo. It is really awesome, and we listen to it just about every weekend. I’ve discovered such great bands as The Arctic Monkeys (before they became wildly popular), and Electric Six through listening to internet radio. I would’ve never have gotten an appreciation for these bands without it.

Now, congress passed some sort of law that would make internet radio stations pay royalty rates that are about 300% to 1200% higher than they currently are. It would basically cripple the market … with the exception of the large corporations that can afford this … meaning the loss of creativity in music once again. The thought of this makes me vomit in my mouth repeatedly.

Don’t you just hate it when something that is going so well is ruined by big business and politics? This reeks of collusion. If you are interested in finding out more, please go to this story: http://www.ecommercetimes.com/rsstory/57121.html.

What Now?

A normally peaceful Monday night was ruined, thanks to my father-in-law, and his dinosaur of a computer. I received the call from my wife on the way home from work, and as soon as she mentioned that he called, I knew my evening was shot. The man has had the same computer for close to 10 years now, and when he purchased it, it was bottom of the line. The Commodore 64 thinks this computer is slow.

Anyway, the computer has caused him several problems over the past 5 years or so … or should I say that it has caused me those problems. He bought a printer for it a few years ago, and of course, it was a pain in the ass to find drivers that would work with his computer … somehow we figured it out. Then, he somehow “reconfigured” the internet page so that one could no longer type in web addresses (don’t ask). Then, he somehow reset his password to start up the computer, and had no idea what he reset the password to. I’ve been able to remedy all of these “situations,” until this latest issue.

This time, he decided he wanted to switch internet carriers to Verizon … which offers a much faster DSL service. Of course, my wife volunteered me to help install this. I knew this would be no easy task, but since I’m one helluva guy, I agreed to help (like I had a choice).

So, I went over there around 6:30 p.m. The task of installing the dsl modem originally seemed like it would be easy – plug in the modem to the computer, and plug in the phone line into the modem … however, since the computer is older than dirt, there is no Ethernet connection. I figured this wouldn’t be a problem, as I can connect the modem to the computer via the USB connection … and normally this would be fine, but since the father-in-law still has Windows 98, the USB connection did not work … believe me, I tried everything. I even called the Verizon help line, which was even less helpful.

Finally, after a few hours, I proclaimed that I was unable to finish the task. He mentioned that it might be time for him to buy a new computer … however, he later decided that he would just keep the dial-up service … which of course means that I should be getting another call from him at some time in the near future to put out some other fire … I immediately suggested to my wife that she and her brother and sister get together and buy him a new computer .. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Stoppage Time

Just a few thoughts and observations of the weekend:

1. To that ass-clown of a police officer who told us we couldn’t tailgate for the Phillies game – It’s nice to see that you’ve solved all of the crime problems in the city, so that you can focus on the real issue of people having fun prior to an event. The city should be proud to have such dedicated and misdirected people working for the it … I feel safe knowing the city is confident in providing them fire-arms.

2. The NFL draft is way too f-in’ long, and it seems like it’s only getting longer (that’s what she said). When will it stop? Will every team get a full day to make a pick in the first round eventually? Can the draft last an entire month? Is that the goal of the NFL? Ridiculous.

3. The Reverend got more than a little drunk last night at his bachelor party. I think we accomplished our mission – giving him a fun send-off into married life. I’m guessing he probably had a rough Sunday morning/afternoon, but I’m confident it was worth it.

4. So, in preparation for the bachelor party, I ordered tickets for the Phillies game via the phone. We went to the ticket office prior to entering the stadium to pick up the tickets. The guy at the ticket office gave me the tickets – and I took them without looking at them. Thankfully, one of the members of the bachelor party noticed that the tickets were printed for Sunday afternoon – oops! Luckily, the ticket guy agreed to exchange the tickets for the Saturday night game … although, as the game went on, I openly wondered whether or not it would’ve been better to go to Sunday’s game (the Phils lost 11-5 – ugh!).

5. We went to a “gentleman’s” establishment after the game for a few hours … don’t worry ladies, it was a more upscale one. In fact, I got a massage there … a real one … with a fully clothed lady. And it was good … and not in a sexual way, either. Weird.

6. The countdown is on – less than 1 week until the Reverend gets married. The Earth might fall off of its axis.

One Small Step ...

Today I was half-tempted to write about my utter disappointment in the fast-food industry for no longer cheerfully offering ketchup at the drive-thru window, but that will have to be a topic for another post, because this weekend, the Reverend takes another giant step in his journey away from bachelorhood. That’s right, Smokin’s bachelor party takes place this Saturday!

What a journey it has been for Steve in these past few months. Not only has he moved into a house, but he switched jobs (and successfully passed his series 6 and 63 tests with flying colors), AND has been planning a wedding. A normal man probably would’ve gone Michael Jackson (or Alec Baldwin) on us by this point, but not the Rev! He has flourished under the pressure, and now gets to reap the rewards of his labor.

Hopefully, the bachelor party will be a good start to this. It’s not going to be anything elaborate, but seriously, who needs elaborate anyway? As long as we all have a good time, AND WE WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME, that’s all that matters. We’ll start the festivities by tailgating down in South Philly prior to the Phillies game (Uncle Charlie, you MUST win this one for Steve, ok?). Then, we’ll actually go to the game, hang around and act like idiots (something we are very good at), and then take in some “gentleman’s” entertainment at a local establishment of sorts. The alcohol should make this a very smooth event (or not).

So, Steve, the countdown has begun. You have just over a week of freedom left, before you take the plunge. I wanted to personally congratulate you on all you’ve accomplished, and wish you the best to your new future … I’m sure I’ll ramble this many times in a drunken stupor on Saturday night, in between curse words. Enjoy, big guy, this night is yours!

Where the "Streets" Have no Name

As I mentioned before, here is the picture of Milton Street with a friend that was taken last week. Milton Street, as I said before, is the degenerate brother of the current degenerate mayor, John Street.

Being mayor of Philadelphia has many expectations tied to it, one of the major ones is the ability to be corrupt … so much so that it is almost second nature. Pay to play schemes as well as mismanagement of anything and everything run by the city are beyond common-place. Kow-towing to ridiculously powerful unions is a must (hey, they helped you get the union vote – ya gotta keep ‘em happy, right?). This has become so natural and expected over the years.

Thanks to the mayors we’ve had in the past, Camden now has a thriving waterfront that includes a large aquarium, and a very nice indoor/outdoor concert venue … both of which would’ve been welcome additions on the Penns Landing waterfront had it not been for slime-ball mayors who, for one reason or another, did not fight the bloated unions to bring these projects here.

You’ve probably heard of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, right? Ever wonder why it’s located in Cleveland? Again, thank the mayor of Philadelphia for that one, because the original idea was to build this in the City of Brotherly Love … again, ludicrous union demands chased them away. We have a hole in the ground in Center City, which was supposed to be some grand Disney building … yep, you guessed it – our mayor was responsible. Heck, we even had a mayor who bombed his own city in 1985. Folks, I can’t make that one up.

Why am I bringing this up now? Simple – Philadelphia is in the middle of yet another mayoral election, with each candidate (including Milton Street) promising a change. It’s laughable, really. The corruption is overwhelming. The mayor doesn’t even hold the power in the city … it’s all of the other “special interest groups” that feed money to the mayor’s office that hold all the power. Sadly, the inhabitants of the city who vote for mayor don’t really care about credentials. Instead, they vote whatever the unions or their “racial leaders” tell them to vote. So, we’ll end up getting more botched jobs, streets that take forever to fix, and a public transportation system that even Kenneth Lay probably would’ve thought was mismanaged. But, here’s to holding out hope that somebody somehow gets in who actually gives a crap about Philly.

The Weekend of Photos

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this weekend was truly a remarkable one with regards to photo opportunities ... thankfully we had our camera phones, so that we could share these experiences with you! Enjoy:

This absolute classic was taken at a fundraising "casino night" in Delaware. We were in line to cash in our chips, when my wife looked down and saw this sight. In case you don't know what this is, it is an old ladies "rear bumper" with some toilet paper hanging out! Gold!

This guy was tailgating ... which is generally not a big deal if you are at a concert or sporting event. However, this guy was tailgating in the Shop Rite parking lot. My guess is that he drove his wife to the store, and let her shop, while he took in the rays at the supermarket.

Now, we had another pic, but I can't find it. It was of a friend with Milton Street, the degenerate brother of the degenerate mayor of Philadelphia. Oh well - hope these made ya laugh.

Stoppage Time

Couple of interesting things were discussed today that I thought I’d share with you:

1. What’s the deal with those bite sized candy bars? Are they REALLY bite sized? There are far better names that can be used for these ridiculously small pieces of chocolate – we came up with a few:
“Are You Serious” Sized.
“What the Hell is This” Sized
Choke-Sized
“You Must Really Not Like Me” Sized
“Cheap-ass” Sized
Insignificant Sized
“What’s the Point” Sized
Hershey Kiss Sized

2. We were talking about Philadelphia sports, and since the Phillies are doing so poorly right now, people are now focusing on the countdown to Eagles training camp. All we in Philly do is focus on the next team’s training camp countdown, because are teams are perennial losers. So, after week 8 of the Eagles season, we’ll probably be commenting on “pitchers and catchers” again. It is a sick cycle. Woe is me!

3. We had a baby shower at work for one of our coworkers today. Guys were invited to this. We all sat at the same table, and mocked the girls who “Oohed,” and “Ahhed” at the presents being opened. It was nice to partake in eating the wide variety of desserts available to us, but outside of that, this is an event guys really are not made for … now, that being said, I somehow won the “Guess How Many M&M’s are in the baby bottle” contest, guessing 276, with the correct amount being 279. Does this make me gay? I hope not … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In a Word .... Grotesque.

I was once a college student … sure, it’s been more than a dozen years since graduation, but this tragic incident that happened on the campus of Virginia Tech a few days ago affected me a little. For those of you who haven’t heard (I’m basically speaking to my international friends here), there was a shooting at a college campus in Virginia in which a lone gunman killed more than 30 students including himself, physically injuring more than 20 more students, and probably emotionally and mentally injuring countless others.

For me, the University was a safe place to be … except maybe on weekends of home football games where State College became the third largest city in Pennsylvania … but I digress. College life for me was a time to grow up, learn, and socialize (never in that particular order). It was a safe haven for me to do all of those things. Sure, you would hear of the occasional suicide, and as tragic as that may be, it pales in comparison to what took place at Virginia Tech.

I couldn’t even imagine being a parent of a student attending classes there, hearing about this chaotic situation, and not being able to get in contact with my child. Many experienced this yesterday … some faced the realization that one of their very own was a victim in this grotesque occurrence. This nightmare is one they will unfortunately have difficulty waking from for a long time. I pray for them.

What I have trouble understanding is how somebody can take so many other people’s lives along with his/her own. Taking your own life is one thing (and certainly not acceptable), but dragging thirty others with you along with numerous ones who are directly and/or indirectly affected is beyond evil, and I am having trouble formulating the words to describe the anger and sorrow that I have. My hope, as always, is that we learn something from this.

Stoppage Time

Since I’m drawing a blank on what to write about on such a dreary Sunday, I figured I’d share some recent movies, music, and/or entertainment that I’ve encountered:

Band – While on I-Tunes, a suggestion was made to check into a band called K-OS. I’m sure some of you have heard of this rapper/mixer, but being a Philly guy, we don’t have radio stations that expand our music experience (translation – canned reprocessed crap). This is a description of the latest album from the Virgin music website:

Atlantis - Hymns for Disco is k-os most personal album yet, coming off of the near double platinum sales of Joyful Rebellion, k-os takes his music, artistry and message to a new level. With a fine balance of diverse musical sounds, brilliant vocals, and insightful lyrics, he satisfies the longtime "Superstarr P.0" fan yet easily makes the newfound "Crabbuckit" fan feel right at home.

I was so impressed by this, I bought the entire cd – has a very cool mix of 80’s rap sounds, reggae music, some Latin-style guitar stylings, and rock and roll. In one song, he even fuses 50’s Elvis rock with rap … and it works! It is diverse, a more intelligent sound than what Outkast plays, but with the same infectious toe-tappability (is that even a word?). I would recommend having a listen to “Sunday Morning,” as well as “Valhalla.”


Movie – I got a chance to catch that movie “Click” last weekend, starring Adam Sandler … I know, it’s been over a year since it came out, but hey, better late than never. So, anyway, I was expecting a laugh-a-minute comedy, and probably for the first ½ hour, that’s what it was. But, man, did that movie get sad or what? I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – in fact, it probably made the movie better from an artistic standpoint. It’s just not the comedy that it was made out to be … probably more of a rom-com … which, as you may know, I love anyway. Certainly a good flick to catch on a date.


Book - The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, by Malcolm Gladwell … yes, even I read books sometimes. This was recommended by a coworker, and once I picked it up, I couldn’t put it down. It

This is a summary that I “borrowed” from Amazon.com. It sums it up better than I ever could:

The premise of this facile piece of pop sociology has built-in appeal: little changes can have big effects; when small numbers of people start behaving differently, that behavior can ripple outward until a critical mass or "tipping point" is reached, changing the world. Gladwell's thesis that ideas, products, messages and behaviors "spread just like viruses do" remains a metaphor as he follows the growth of "word-of-mouth epidemics" triggered with the help of three pivotal types. These are Connectors, sociable personalities who bring people together; Mavens, who like to pass along knowledge; and Salesmen, adept at persuading the unenlightened. (Paul Revere, for example, was a Maven and a Connector). Gladwell's applications of his "tipping point" concept to current phenomena--such as the drop in violent crime in New York, the rebirth of Hush Puppies suede shoes as a suburban mall favorite, teenage suicide patterns and the efficiency of small work units--may arouse controversy. For example, many parents may be alarmed at his advice on drugs: since teenagers' experimentation with drugs, including cocaine, seldom leads to hardcore use, he contends, "We have to stop fighting this kind of experimentation. We have to accept it and even embrace it." While it offers a smorgasbord of intriguing snippets summarizing research on topics such as conversational patterns, infants' crib talk, judging other people's character, cheating habits in schoolchildren, memory sharing among families or couples, and the dehumanizing effects of prisons, this volume betrays its roots as a series of articles for the New Yorker, where Gladwell is a staff writer: his trendy material feels bloated and insubstantial in book form. Agent, Tina Bennett of Janklow & Nesbit.

We Have A Winner!

The Anna Nicole verdict came in today, and “justifiably” there was tons of news coverage that followed. We finally have a winner in the “Who’s Baby Batter Was Strongest” sweepstakes. But there is one minor question that hasn’t been answered yet, and dammit, I gotta know!

Why in tarnations (yet again!) is nobody reporting how much of a slut this humanoid was? I mean, c’mon – people were coming out of the woodwork claiming they were the father, and there were certainly some, at the very least, viable claims. How many people entered her “promised land” exactly at the time? Was it 3, 4, 100? Wouldn’t this be more compelling to talk about instead of making this whole ordeal seem like some sort of game show?

Has our society decayed to this level, and if so, when did it happen? Was it because of that “Achy Breaky Heart” song in the early ‘90’s? Is Simon Cowell behind it? Maybe it’s that Atkins diet fad. Somebody help me here!

The publicity she’s getting pisses me off more than the popularity of NASCAR … and that’s saying something. What’s even more infuriating is that nobody is saying anything negative about her. It even seems like she’s getting more praise than Mother Theresa. I’m at a loss. Instead, we focus on that retard Imus blabbering about a women’s college basketball team? What the hell is going on here?

Please, SOMEBODY, put out a negative story about her … somebody PLEASE belittle her! C’mon – are you telling me that FOX doesn’t have the balls to do something like this???? Just plain ri-gosh-darn-diculous!

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As a follow-up on the Don Imus story, I am appalled that these media stations kow-towed to this “public” outcry commandeered by that butt-nugget Al Sharpton. As a reminder, I do think that what Imus said was stupid, insensitive, and pointless. However, I think MOST people probably don’t even listen to Imus in the first place. And for those who did, I’m sure most probably took it with a grain of salt. However, because of a few people who were able to organize a letter-writing campaign (much like those few blowhards on the religious right like to do), advertisers trembled with fear, and the media stations reacted poorly.

Anyway, I happened to come across this well-written article that sums everything up … and get this – it was written by an African American. Read it, and let me know what you think: http://www.kansascity.com/182/story/66339.html

Imus be Dreaming ...

I don’t think I’ll get much of a counter-argument when I say that Don Imus is an ass-hat. Obviously, his comments about the Rutgers women’s basketball team were stupid, short-sighted, and just plain wrong. But, the uproar that he’s receiving, in my mind, is ludicrous. He apologized, and he’s been belittled. I think that is punishment enough.

So, why is it that whenever somebody says something racist and stupid, a.k.a. Michael Richards, do they have to go on the Al Sharpton show and grovel for forgiveness? Seriously, when did this clown fart become the beacon of racial sensitivity? When was the vote held for this? I never got the memo. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

I mean all Sharpton does is have them apologize and call themselves stupid, and THEN he doesn’t even forgive them, and instead asks the public to take a giant dump on them. C’mon, if Sharpton didn’t have these “guests” on his show, who in tarnations (there’s that word again) would give a flying rat’s ass about his radio program? I’m sick of this, I tell ya!

Again, I’m not defending Imus or anything he said. I’ve never listened to the guy before, but I’m pretty sure that’s his schtick … saying controversial things so that people notice. It’s done by most of the popular jocks, including Stern, Hannady, Franken, and people from all political parties.

You know, Sharpton has said more than his share of controversial stuff in his time. What show does he go on to kick himself in the nuts? Does he even have to, and if not, why does he get a mulligan?

Here’s just a few of Sharpton’s shenanigans from the past (thanks to http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=2411):

1987: Sharpton spreads the incendiary Tawana Brawley hoax, insisting heatedly that a 15-year-old black girl was abducted, raped, and smeared with feces by a group of white men. He singles out Steve Pagones, a young prosecutor. Pagones is wholly innocent -- the crime never occurred -- but Sharpton taunts him: "If we're lying, sue us, so we can . . . prove you did it." Pagones does sue, and eventually wins a $345,000 verdict for defamation. To this day, Sharpton refuses to recant his unspeakable slander or to apologize for his role in the odious affair.

1991: A Hasidic Jewish driver in Brooklyn's Crown Heights section accidentally kills Gavin Cato, a 7-year-old black child, and antisemitic riots erupt. Sharpton races to pour gasoline on the fire. At Gavin's funeral he rails against the "diamond merchants" -- code for Jews -- with "the blood of innocent babies" on their hands. He mobilizes hundreds of demonstrators to march through the Jewish neighborhood, chanting, "No justice, no peace." A rabbinical student, Yankel Rosenbaum, is surrounded by a mob shouting "Kill the Jews!" and stabbed to death.

1995: When the United House of Prayer, a large black landlord in Harlem, raises the rent on Freddy's Fashion Mart, Freddy's white Jewish owner is forced to raise the rent on his subtenant, a black-owned music store. A landlord-tenant dispute ensues; Sharpton uses it to incite racial hatred. "We will not stand by," he warns malignantly, "and allow them to move this brother so that some white interloper can expand his business." Sharpton's National Action Network sets up picket lines; customers going into Freddy's are spat on and cursed as "traitors" and "Uncle Toms." Some protesters shout, "Burn down the Jew store!" and simulate striking a match. "We're going to see that this cracker suffers," says Sharpton's colleague Morris Powell. On Dec. 8, one of the protesters bursts into Freddy's, shoots four employees point-blank, then sets the store on fire. Seven employees die in the inferno.

Way to go, Rev! You know what they say about people in glass houses …

Easter Fools...

Looking back to when I was a kid during Easter, I realize the lengths my parents went to pull the wool over my head … and how willing I was to go along with everything. I mean, think about it – we would spend an afternoon painting Easter eggs, and then I would be told that an Easter bunny would come around, take those eggs, and hide them in my yard. Why on Earth couldn’t the Easter bunny just paint the eggs him (or her) self, and then hide them. Certainly, this bunny did not match up to Santa Claus in the least. However, for some reason, I never questioned this, and I still believed in the Easter bunny.

On Easter, when I was young, it rained, so the “Easter Bunny” had to hide the eggs inside the house. I was freaked out by this. How in tarnations (yeah, I used the word tarnations … what are you gonna do about it?) did the bunny get inside in the first place? I was concerned about a bunny getting in the house, but never once concerned about a big fat man with a large bag coming into my house every year. Still, after finding the eggs and Easter baskets filled with chocolate, my fear for the bunny subsided.

But probably the biggest “fear” I had on Easter Sunday was the fear of what kind of suit my mom was going to make me wear to church that day. Far and away my least favorite of these was the tan 3-piece suit she made me put on, on more than one occasion. I looked like a giant pound-cake. Not only that, but the cheap polyester material that the suit was made of, always made sitting through church and Sunday school nearly impossible. I dreaded it. My mom always tried to bribe me by taking me across the street afterwards to Davis’s Trading Post, where I would have to make the tough decision on purchasing baseball cards, Mork and Mindy cards, or a Reggie candy bar. Ah, the memories.

I know, I know – I’ve totally talked about the “bad” side of Easter … not going into the true meaning. But seriously, can you forgive me? I was just a little kid at the time.

Entrance Songs

Part 1:
So, I was listening to the radio the other day, and “Legs” by Z-Z Top comes on. It hits me. I need to write a blog about famous wrestling entrance themes … now, I know … I’ve probably lost half of you, and the other half probably is drunk. Anyway, as many of you know, I am a big wrestling fan … actually, that’s not entirely true … I’m rapidly losing interest in pro wrestling, but that’s not the point of this blog (trust me, it’s not). I’ve decided to put a list of rock songs and see if any of you can remember which wrestler or wrestlers used the song as an entrance theme in the 1980’s. Here goes nothing:


1. Sharp Dressed Man, by Z-Z Top
2. Eye of the Tiger, by Survivor
3. Another One Bites the Dust, by Queen
4. The Boys are Back in Town, by Thin Lizzy
5. Freebird, by Lynard Skynard
6. Rock and Roll is King, by ELO
7. Fight for Your Right to Party, by the Beastie Boyz
8. Bad to the Bone, by George Thorogood (2 guys used this one)
9. We are Family, by Sister Sledge
10. I Need a Hero, by Bonnie Tyler
11. Enter Sandman – Metallica
12. Smooth Operator - Sade
(don’t worry, I’ll give the answers out after you guys and gals respond).

Part 2: If you were a wrestler (c’mon, play along), what would your entrance theme be? I have a couple that I would so love to use. Here they are in no particular order:

Start Me Up – Rolling Stones
TNT – AC/DC
Cum On Feel the Noize – Quiet Riot
Sister Havana – Urge Overkill
I Want it All – Queen

You Snorted What????

Just when I think that my love for the Rolling Stones has reached it’s apex, I read an interview with Keith Richards in which he states that the weirdest thing he’s ever snorted was his father’s ashes (mixed with a little blow). My god, this guy is probably the most hard-core rocker that has ever lived. Rob Zombie thinks this guy is crazy. Check out the interview here: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8O9AFO01&show_article=1.

Keith Richards has been probably the most outspoken member of the Stones, and if trouble isn’t out to find him, he’s probably out looking for it. But, that’s what endears me (and millions upon millions of others) to him and the band.

I’ll share a few of my favorite Keith stories for ya … just because I feel like it. Probably his funniest “recent” one was after Elton John released “Candle in the Wind” for the umpteenth time after Princess Diana passed away. When asked about this, Richards said something along the lines of, “Well, I hope for everyone’s sake, no more famous blondes die, so we don’t have to hear that song again.” Elton John, upset by Keith’s comments, said something along the lines of, “Why are we even listening to this drug addict.” Richards responded, “This, coming from a drug addict.”

When asked about the death of George Harrison, Richards retorted (again, my own words), “It’s a shame that the wrong two Beatles had to die.” I’m guessing Sir Paul was none too pleased with his assessment. And, I’m pretty sure nobody even bothered to ask Ringo about this.

I found a website that has a bunch of classic Keith Richards quotes – I figure I’d borrow from it (http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/keith_richards/). Enjoy:

1. “I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.”
2. “If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.”
3. “I never thought I was wasted, but I probably was.”
4. “I only get ill when I give up drugs.”
5. “You've got the sun, you've got the moon, and you've got the Rolling Stones”
6. “Whatever side I take, I know well that I will be blamed.”
7. “Rock and Roll: Music for the neck downwards.”
8. “The king is the man who can.”
9. “Mick has to get up in the morning with a plan. Who he's going to call, what he's going to eat, where he's going to go. Me, I wake up, praise the Lord, then make sure all the phones are turned off. If we were a mum-and-pop operation, then he'd be Mum.”
10. “If you don't know the blues, ... there's no point in picking up the guitar and playing rock and roll or any other form of popular music.”
11. “It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere.”
12. “It's an addiction, ... and addiction is something I should know something about.”
13. “Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.”

Some Things I Learned This Weekend ...

Some Interesting Things I found out This Weekend

1. A friend of mine once had such a dry spell when it came to dating, that even a girl he wasn’t going out with called him up and broke up with him … I’m not sure one can get any lower than this.

2. Guy’s Night Out isn’t apparently what it once was … at least with regards to some of my friends. We spend this “night” watching the first game of the NCAA basketball semifinals. By 9:00, my one friend was ready for bed … sigh.

3. Apparently, everybody knows a good auto body place to go to. When I mentioned that I was involved in a little fender-bender, I got what seemed be endless suggestions on where to take my car. By the way, the final cost of the damager to my car was … get this …. $4,675.00. Unbelievable.

4. That movie, RV, starring Robin Williams, sucks. When was the last time he was in a really funny movie? It’s depressing. There was a time when this guy could do no wrong. Now, even Chevy Chase doesn’t think he’s funny.

5. In a conversation with a good friend, we were talking about games we used to play as kids, and he brought up one in which he couldn’t remember the entire name. He said it was called, “Something or Dare.” This produced a plethora of other titles like, “Hide-and-go something,” “Marco something,” “Kick the something,” “basket-something,” and “Cowboys and something.” I know what you’re thinking … and no, we aren’t retarded.

6. This same friend used to write and produce his own “newspaper” as a kid, complete with world news and a comic strip. In fact, one summer, he was releasing it daily … I thought this was weird and cool at the same time.

Stoppage Time

Just some thoughts and observations to wrap up a rather hectic week. Enjoy (or don’t):

1. Haven’t gotten an estimate on the repairs to the car yet. In talking with my insurance agent, it seems as if the girl who unceremoniously hit me with her tank is trying to change her story. Apparently, she now “remembers” that I had put my car in reverse when she was entering the parking lot … strange, as I have never knowingly exited a parking lot in reverse before. I guess I should be thankful that I got the police report, in which she stated that the sun was in her eyes when she was turning (which is a good reason to make that turn as quickly as possible).

2. I don’t know why, but for some reason I find fat guys in suits funny … this is probably why I’m a Laurel and Hardy fan ... and why I’m such good fans with the Reverend.

3. So, all I’m hearing about from just about everywhere is stuff about this American Idol knucklehead contestant named Sanjaya. Apparently, he’s got very little talent, but he wears such exotic (flaming) outfits that he has managed to make it to the final 10. Seriously, why does anybody even bother at this point.

4. Nickleback, I’m serious … STOP MAKING MUSIC! That goes for you too, 3-Doors Down!

5. Could it be true that ESPN has released both Michael Irvin AND Joe Theismann? Why not hit the trifecta and let that ass-hat Merril Hoge go as well?

6. Easter would be a great holiday if it wasn’t for that unnecessary tradition of eating ham.

7. I’m intrigued/concerned about the latest Will Farrell movie release, Blades of Glory. I’ve liked most of the Farrell movies I’ve seen, but I hope he didn’t jump the shark with Anchorman, it seems as though his movies after this point haven’t approached the pure comic genius of the prior movies.

8. This last piece is a “comic” strip done a while ago by one of my former coworkers – it is probably only funny to me and a few others, but I thought I’d share it with you anyway:

The Aftermath!

Thanks to a great suggestion by Superstar, I am showing you a picture my car, a 2005 Nissan Altima (named Smokey) after it was hit by the notorious Chevelle. The suggestion was to have you all estimate the cost to fix her. Bob Barker would be proud!

The second picture shows the back bumper being held in place by duct tape (it was hanging off the car originally).

And the Hits Keep Comin' ...

So, I was having trouble coming up with something to blog about today, when it hit me … literally!

What started out as a pretty good weekend, came crashing down in the Kohls’ parking lot on Sunday afternoon. My wife and I spent Sunday doing some shopping, going to places like Linens and Things, Marshalls, Bed Bath and Beyond, prior to reaching the “climactic” destination. Yes, some may say I was getting in touch with my “feminine” side, and that’s o.k. I don’t mind shopping with my wife every once in a while. However, in hindsight, I probably should’ve just stayed home.

As we were leaving the Kohls parking lot, I noticed a black 1970 Chevelle (another reason for me to hate Chevy now) flying into the parking lot, apparently not noticing the smoke-gray 2005 Nissan Altima that was pulling out. It wasn’t even a contest – the Chevelle smeared the rear driver’s side door, and took off the back panel and bumper for good measure. The Chevelle had a few scratches on the bumper, but outside of that ,was in pristine condition.

The culprits? Two 16-year-old girls who apparently couldn’t wait to dive into the savings offered at Kohls. They were a little shaken up emotionally, and for good reason. This is probably going to raise their insurance rates a decent chunk. We called the cops, and the young driver called her dad. The dad showed up first – he surveyed the accident, and give me his insurance information. As an aside, he used to work for an Auto Body company, and gave me the info and suggested I take my car there. Additionally, he has his own home improvement company (self employed), and I got his card, so maybe he’ll offer me a good rate if I ever need my attic or bathroom done.

What sucks is that nobody is available at my insurance company until 8:00 a.m. tomorrow, which means that I’ll be late for work … hopefully, that is all I’ll have to deal with. What a way to end the weekend … at least nobody was hurt, so I guess it could’ve been worse.

On Second Thought ...

You know how sometimes when you say or do something stupid, it comes back to “haunt” you? It’s called Karma, and I have an “egg-shell-ent” story that demonstrates this “principle.”

To give you a little set-up, I was a freshman at college when this story took place. I had come back home for spring break, and went to a friend’s house for a party – kind of a chance for all of us high school and neighborhood buddies to get back together and catch up. Well, since this friend had a sister who was one year younger than us, she invited some of her friends to the party … of course these friends were still in high school.

I was standing around a pool table in the basement, when this one girl who I knew but never talked to came up to me. We started chatting a little bit, when out of nowhere she starts talking about all these wild sex stories, even mentioning to me that she would never pass up a good f*ck. Naturally, I found this story quite interesting, but felt she was all talk. I decided to go upstairs and watch some of the Flyers game. Shockingly enough, she followed me upstairs, then started going around all the rooms of the house. She then came back and informed me that it was a shame that all the rooms were taken because she was hoping to give me the best “hummer” of my life. Never one to pass up an opportunity, I pulled my car keys out, and she immediately took me to my car. I won’t go into any details, but let’s just say it was a good start to the spring break.

Fast forward to the end of the semester. I come home from school, and go back to work at the pet shop that I had been working at for a few years prior to college. A coworker mentioned that he took this same girl to his prom a few weeks ago, and that she was absolutely wild and crazy. I have trouble passing up on opportunities for a good joke – so I told him that I heard she may have some sort of disease, and that he really should get himself checked out. He got all nervous and sweaty, and asked me questions about this … and of course I was very vague about the answers I gave. Sadly, I forgot to let him off the hook at the end of the night, which prompted him to go to school the next morning and confront her.

He basically asked if she was in good health. She got very defensive and made (understandably), and she asked who he heard this from. He said he didn’t want to give up his source, so she started going through a list of names. When she got to my name, he nodded … what a guy. Later that night, she came to the pet-shop, and motioned me over. I immediately thought to myself that she wanted another round of “Vitamin K.” So, I went over. She asked me to come closer, which I obligingly did, thinking that she wanted me to plant a kiss on her right then and there. Unfortunately, that was not her desire. Instead, she planted an egg on the top of my head. As I was picking the egg shells and gunk out of my hair, she took off – I stood there yelling something stupid to the effect of, “And stay out!” I guess the “yolk” was on me.

I hope we all learned a lesson here.

This and That...

Here are some questions you’ve probably been dying to ask me – consider yourselves lucky I decided to answer them:

1. What is your favorite breakfast meat?
“Believe it or not, this is a tough one for me. It really comes down to two – sausage and bacon, but not that Canadian bacon crap – looks too much like ham. I’m leaning towards bacon, because the smell of it cooking moves me more than the smell of sausage cooking ... and yes, it comes down to that for me.”

2. If you could choose anybody to be president, who would it be?
“I think I’d choose the Wolf from Pulp Fiction. The guy had a way of cleaning up messy situations … sounds like the perfect gift for a president to have.

3. Are you a cat man or a dog man?
“Dogs, dogs, dogs (and not in a sick way, ok?). Cats have about as much of a personality as Bill Wyman.

4. If you had to choose between having to puke, or having to go diarrhea, which would you rather do?
“I’d rather just go for it and shit my pants. I hate puking. I hate the sound, sight, and smell of puke.

5. What would your dream job be?
“Phew, anything that would pay me a lot of money, and produce very little stress on me. I would love to talk sports, movies, and farts … if somebody would give me a lot of money to do this, I would be a happy man.”

6. Your favorite fast-food chain?
“Ugh – tough call. If I could form a hybrid that included Wendy’s Kaiser rolls, Burger King’s flame-broiled patties, and McDonalds’ French fries, I’d be a happy man … probably weighing 50 more pounds as well.”

7. Who was the first person you had a crush on?
“I was in fifth grade. The girl’s name was Kathy. She thought I was a toad. Maybe it was the red sneakers my mom made me wear. Once, she got head lice. I still had a crush on her. I was a sick kid.”

8. Do you have a first memory?
“I remember my mom threatening to not let me outside until I pooped in the toilet … I held out for 3 days until I finally pooped again … some things have a way of staying with you for some reason.”

9. Who is your favorite super hero?
“I’ve never been really big into Super Heroes. However, I always liked El-Kabong.”

10. What would you rather be doing right now?
“I would rather be swimming in money … a lot of money.”

Where Did The Weekend Go?

It was a fun weekend all around for the most part. It started a little earlier than normal, thanks to the ice storm that the weather forecasters once again miscalled. I ended up leaving work at 1:30 p.m., and thankfully I did, because not long after that, the blue route was stifled because of multiple accidents. So, I was home safe and sound by 2:30, and was able to get the chores that I normally do on Friday evening done much earlier. Of course, I got a frantic phone call from my wife – she was at the train station and her car wasn’t starting … I later found out that the reason behind this was because my wife, bless her soul, left the lights on … again … the second time in two weeks.

After we got her car started (she said she was going to ask someone at the train station to “jump-her,” to which I responded, “maybe you can phrase that a little differently.”), we came home, made some dinner, and hung out in the basement, watching some of the basketball games (at least, I was), throwing darts, and just relaxing … we had a big day ahead of us on Saturday.

Well, Saturday morning comes, and I realize that I have to shovel 2-3 inches of thick ice from my driveway and sidewalk … oh the joys. My back, shoulders, arms, and legs are throbbing more than 24-hours later. It took about 2 hours to fully shovel … normally, it may take up to ½ hour, but for special icy occasions (ones we’ve had all to much this year), I get to “work out” a little longer.

Then, it was time for our inaugural “public transportation St. Patty’s Day bar tour,” which had to be changed slightly, thanks to said icy conditions. We started off by hitting two Irish bars – R.P. McMurphy’s and Haggarty’s. Then, we decided to eat some Irish dinner at the …. Italian Delight pizza shop (we were already a few beers in … and besides, I HATE ham and cabbage). We ended up going to a few not-so-Irish bars – Walt’s Red Rose and the Frontier Saloon, pissed a few people off with our group intoxication, and then finally too the bus to our final destination – The Milmont Inn.

The Milmonster, as we like to call it, is the classic description of a dive bar … with an unfortunate Notre Dame fighting Irish logo to go with it. But, since I was already hammered, I decided to ignore the logo and have a good time anyway. I’ve only been to this bar maybe 3 times in my life, and the first two times were pretty non-descript. But, for one reason or other, we had an absolute blast this last time – sometimes a perfect storm of alcohol, friends, and good music can make any bar fun (this, I’ve learned on a number of occasions). We spend more than 4 hours there prior to calling it a night (at the request of my liver).

So, Sunday was mainly a lazy, relaxing, recovery day – one in which I watched both The Money Pit, AND Animal House. I’ve also watched some of the basketball games, but since my basketball pool now has more holes in it than Swiss cheese, I’ve rapidly lost interest (hey, at least Duke was ousted … speaking of which, I made an interesting comparison … Duke Basketball = Notre Dame football). I’m sure I’ll go for the trifecta and find a third silly/funny movie to watch before the day is out (helps me keep my mind off of Mondays).

It's All About Karma...

So, remember how I was having trouble with "Chrome Repot?" Funny, I wasn't the only one. To make a long story short, somebody wrote an article about how this company, which once was all about customer service, has forgotten the customer. Additionally, the company's stock prices have fallen faster than Brittany Spears' fame.

I have two articles for you guys to look into. Apparently, the new CEO of Chrome Repot is set on repairing this company's shattered image, by "rectifying" customer complaints, and refocusing the company on customer service (and customer satisfaction). We'll see - I posted my complaint on the message board as well as sending my complaint via e-mail to the company. I'll keep you all posted.

Check out these stories:

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/HomeDepotShaftingShoppers.aspx

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/HomeDepotCEOWeLetYouDown.aspx

Deep Thoughts ...

I promised something funny after the last blog, and here it is. These are some “thoughts” a friend of mine sent me:

1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?
4. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
6. What disease did cured ham actually have?
7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
8. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
12. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
13. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
14. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
15. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
16. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool Lane?
17. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
18. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
19. If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
20. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
21. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

We'll Miss Ya, Richard ...

Sad news to pass along – Richard Jeni, a very funny comedian, one I was very fond of (not in a gay way), passed away over the weekend. According to some reports, it looks as if he committed suicide. I guess sometimes it doesn’t matter how successful one is, because success doesn’t always equate to happiness.

Jeni was very good with observational humor, much like Jerry Seinfeld, but probably with a little harder of an edge. He was one of the best at working a room, and he was able to generate new material rather quickly. He did manage to make it to the silver screen, landing a part in The Mask as Jim Carey’s bank work buddy. He was pretty good in this limited role. Additionally, he’s done a lot of commercial voiceover work in his time. Quite honestly, I’m shocked he never really hit it big with a sit com or a lead role in a movie. Sometimes, those are the breaks, I guess.

The suicide thing connects to me, not because I’ve ever tried to commit suicide, but because my older brother committed suicide. Don’t worry, I’ve learned to deal with it, but it is something I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over. But, I do want to make a sort of a public service announcement to you all.

In case any of you (or people you know) ever contemplate taking your life, just remember this – it’s never the easy way out, even though at times it may seem that way. I have had a difficult time forgiving my brother for what he did, not only to me, but more-so to my parents. The strong foundation that I had growing up was rocked by this, and has never fully been the same. My parents are very strong people … sometimes too strong for their own good. They have been conditioned to internalize many feelings - probably a product of growing up in World War II Germany.

I was used to this … but when their first son took his own life, not even they could hide their emotions. It was one of the most depressing moments of my life … I wasn’t even as depressed that I lost a brother – I was more depressed that my parents lost their son. Even as we approach the 15-year point of this tragic event, my parents have still not fully recovered. They thought, and continue to think, that it is a sign of weakness to go and get professional help in dealing with this. The worst part is that they think it is their fault TO THIS DAY that he ended it.

This is why I have trouble forgiving Albert for what he did. For even though he “took the easy way out,” he ended up taking part of my parents with him, and dumping his problems on the rest of us. During the time I should’ve been mourning, I cursed him. I couldn’t believe that he would do something so selfish, and never consider the consequences. It’s hard for me to put myself in that position, though. I understand from talking with others who have contemplated suicide that it’s not about being selfish, it’s about feeling lonely, and thinking the world would be a better place without their existence.

It took me 5 years to visit his grave. I’ve only gone back a few times since. I was lucky enough to have some great friends to help me through this. At the time, I probably should’ve gone for professional help, but I just didn’t know my options, I guess. My friends became my rock. They helped me through those first few years. I wish my parents could get over this, and I hope that this post at the very least puts things into perspective for any of you who may be feeling overly depressed.

Sorry for the depressing post – I just got off on a tangent with it. I promise I’ll be funnier next post.

California, here I come ...

My wife and I have begun planning our vacation … this year’s destination – San Francisco and the Napa Valley. Here’s the thing – I am not a wine drinker by nature. I am 100% German (both parents are from the “Vaterland”), which means I have a strong taste for beer. My wife LOVES wine, and I’m certainly willing to give anything a chance. Plus, after watching Sideways, it seemed like getting to know wine a little better would be kind of cool.

A few of my friends dig wine as well. A fellow blogger, and good friend, the Rev, has been diving into the wine tasting (and drinking) hobby. I figure if he’s enjoying it, I’m missing out on something.

Becoming a wine aficionado takes lots of time (and lots of money, I’m guessing). Currently if you handed me a glass of Thunderbird and told me it was Dom Perignon, I’d believe you … translation, my pallet is not so advanced when it comes to vino. But, again, I’ll give anything a try, and what better place to go to do this (outside of Europe), than to go to Napa.

If any of you bloggers have any suggestions for me, please pass them along. These can be suggestions on wines that I should give a try (please, keep them on the reasonably priced level), books to read, websites to go to, or any places to visit in Napa. Thanks in advance for the love.

Stoppage Time

Just some random thoughts for the end of the week:

• I’ve had a lot of issues with “Chrome Repot,” as you probably know. Well, now I have another one. Because of a lack of forethought, I had to purchase salt today (it snowed, our sidewalk and driveway were icy). I went to said hardware store to purchase this bag of salt. Ten frickin’ dollars for this bag. I know this is capitalism at its best, and if I was smarter, I would’ve purchase a bag last week when temperatures were in the 60’s. But still, I’m really starting to hate this company.

• This may be a little late, but I had to comment about Anna Nicole’s funeral. Am I the only one who thought that this may have been a little excessive? I mean, not only having a country music singer perform at this event, but to release a bunch of white doves as well? I thought we only lost a bimbo, not a deity. Things like this tend to bug me.
  
• So, apparently Allen Iverson is causing trouble in Denver now – so much so that Carmelo Anthony might get benched. This cat is some kind of team wrecker, isn’t he? Maybe Allen should change his last name to Owens. But, here’s the irony – what if the Sixers somehow happened to back their way into the playoffs, AND Denver tanks and misses the playoffs? I wonder what Iverson’s defense about this would be.
  
• I just switched cable companies (and phone and internet) from Comcast to RCN. I found it humorous how Comcast has been calling me all week trying to make these spectacular offers to get me back. Where the hell were you guys when I was complaining about the high prices a few months ago? Funny how priorities change when you remove their power.
  I got a kick out of reading about how some far-right groups do not want Giuliani to be the Republican choice to run for president in 2008 because he is divorced. I try never to reveal my political affiliation, mainly because I agree/disagree with both sides on issues, and more importantly, I think they are for the most part scum-bags. But, this one killed me. I’m surprised these lunatics haven’t gotten Pat Robertson into the White House yet.
  
• Does every Chevy commercial have to be annoying?

Maybe you should just order the hot dog ..

I went on a guys night out this past weekend with buddies from grade school – kind of amazing how we all still are friends after this many years. Anyway, it is very customary for “the fellas” to pretty much constantly make fun of each other from the second we see each other … People with thinner skin probably would’ve offed themselves long ago, but not us. Again, pretty amazing how we’ve all managed to remain friends for so long.

There was one moment that really stood out as being the funniest/head-scratchingest (is that a word?) event of the night. After hanging out at the Toll House (yes, it’s still open, somehow), we decided to go to a Japanese restaurant, Hibachi. A friend of ours, we’ll call him “Big Red,” ordered the Philadelphia roll. Now, most people would expect that when they order a Philadelphia roll at a Japanese restaurant, that this would be some form of sushi, right (I know, I’m making a leap of faith here)?

When his appetizer came, Big Red was perplexed. This is not at all what he had in mind when he ordered the Philadelphia roll. In fact, when the waitress informed him about the sea-weed wrap, Big Red’s face got so white, local snow-men got jealous. He immediately began unwrapping the sushi, scraping the rice off of the seaweed, and eating the contents of the wrap.

One of us HAD to ask him what he thought he was ordering. He responded that since it was a Philly roll, he had expected the sour cream and salmon to be on an Amoroso (South Philly sub) roll. My question is this – does anybody else make this same “assumption” when ordering a Philly roll or any kind of roll for that matter at a Japanese restaurant? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

De-do-do-do ... de-da-da-da ...

I just found out that a good friend of mine was able to get me tickets to the Police concert taking place in Philly on July 19 – I am thrilled by this because (A) I’ve never had the opportunity to see the Police in concert (I was all of 13 the last time they played together at Live Aid), and (B) I love a good rock concert, and these guys fit that bill nicely … it could quite possibly be the best rock concert of the summer (and that’s saying something with groups like Genesis, and maybe Van Halen planning tours).

However, I do have some concerns. Oh, I guess they aren’t huge concerns, but nevertheless, I thought I’d share them with you. First and foremost, I sincerely hope that they ONLY play Police songs. I really don’t want to hear any of the Sting solo crap that he has “graced” us with over the past 20 years. There was a time when the Police were cutting edge, and the music sounded fresh with a nice fusion of reggae, rock, and maybe even a little R&B.

But when Sting set forth on his solo journey from hell, he shed cutting edge musical dynamo of the Police and jumped into the world of Adult Contemporary boringness (is that even a word?). His catalogue of songs now grace easy listening stations, and he is no longer looked at as a musical pioneer. Sure, there may have been a few tunes that weren’t so bad, but for the most part, he was traveling to the “ancient” rocker burial grounds with the likes of Elton John, Brian Adams, and Rod Stewart.

By the way, this observation is not up for debate – I don’t want to hear from any of you Sting fans who will try to defend him. When he left the Police, he really should’ve change his name. Sting sounds like a manly name, and this by no means carried over to the steaming pile of songs he shat out. He should’ve just gone back to using his real name, Gordon.

Another issue is whether or not the Police can recapture the magic of the Police of the early 1980’s. Sure, they sounded great during the Grammies, when they performed Roxanne. But, can they put together a good 2 hour show? Andy Somers was looking mighty old on stage, standing still much like Billy Wyman.

I have faith, though. The songs themselves should help to carry the band members. For the most part, they seem rejuvenated. And, if they do decide to create some more songs, let’s hope that Sting and the gang can at least put forth a decent effort.

Come and Knock On My Door ...

I’m sure you local Philly people read or heard about this story, but for those of you who haven’t – a principal in an Allentown school district was arrested for dealing crystal-meth (http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/16807399.htm). Now, that would be strange, and just wrong in itself, however, the news about what was discovered when the cops arrested him in his office is laughable, to say the least.

According to news reports, the cops entered his office to arrest him, when they discovered him naked, watching gay porn, with sex toys. Many questions come to mind when reading this story. First, and foremost, how the hell could this guy rise all the way up to principal of a school without anybody noticing his … er …. Um … tendencies? Don’t you think other teachers would’ve or should’ve caught onto this guy long before he got to his place of power?

I remember when I was in high school, and there was a teacher who was the “cool teacher.” I think most people can remember a guy (or gal) teacher they had in school who was the “cool one.” Usually, this teacher had long hair, dressed kind of scraggly, usually had rock and roll posters or pictures hanging in his (or her) room. Yep, he was the guy that most people agreed probably still smoked pot on a regular basis.

Heck, I even had a teacher who used to play the harmonica in the stalls when he was “taking the Browns to the Super Bowl.” But, I’m pretty sure that I’ve never had a teacher, or principal for that matter, who ever chose to watch porn naked in his room, whilst also being a drug dealer … I’m pretty sure I would’ve found out some way about this (and hopefully not the “wrong” way, if you know what I mean).

Another question is, what is an adequate penalty for this schmuck? Think about it – he probably was probably a pretty influential figure in the school – or at least I would think someone with his title would be. Was his school zone one of those “drug free school zones,” and if so, will his penalty be substantially higher than a school that isn’t a “drug free school zone?”

Finally, what about his secretary? I’m guessing she was (a) so oblivious and stupid that she probably wasn’t even qualified to bag groceries, or (b) an accomplice to this. I mean, did she take orders for the principal? Who replaces this guy as principal? Does the school board opt for a more hard-line person, or will they try to find somebody that can continue supplying them with the “hook-up?”