The 4th of July will always be different for me ...

The 4th of July in the United States commemorates an important moment in history for our country, the day we declared our independence from Great Britain. Many, many soldiers fought for this freedom, and continue to ensure it ... words cannot express (nor would they do justice) the gratitude I have for these sacrifices.

The 4th of July is supposed to be a happy day - a day spent with family and friends, barbecuing hot dogs, burgers, ribs, chicken, steak ... eating potato salad, corn on the cob ... watching fireworks light up the sky ... and of course, beer consumption.

For me, sadly there is another part of the 4th ... it's the day my older brother chose to end his life. Still, to this day, it is surreal to me. Sometimes, I still can't believe it happened. Maybe it's my brain trying to protect me and deny this ever happened ... I don't know.

I do know that it was a very traumatic period in my life. Unfortunately, when my brother chose to end things 16 years ago today, he didn't really take into account this "easy way" out of things, really wasn't "easy" for anybody else but himself.

I was so mad at him for doing what he did ... I can't even conjure the words to describe how mad I was ... and sometimes, the anger still lingers. I was probably more filled with anger than I was with misery and depression. How could my parents' first-born son do this to them? What the heck was he thinking? How could he be such a coward (a man who was built like a brick shit-house, by the way)?

My parents still suffer from this ... deep down inside, they think it's their fault, and they should've been able to do something to save and protect him. It breaks my heart. The year after he died, my mom came into my room, and asked me if I knew what today is. Of course I did. My mom broke down crying in my arms ... THAT is something that never should happen. Roles were reversed, and it sent shock-waves through my body. Part of me wanted to dig up his grave and beat the crap out of him.

It took me 5 whole years to visit his grave, by the way. The anger has subsided. I've learned to forgive him, thanks to many, many days, nights, weeks, and years of "counseling" from my very close friends ... I'm lucky to have them, and probably will never be able to thank them enough for helping me through.

But, sometimes through these difficult times, you need to look for the "rays of sunlight," or the bright spots. First and foremost, I have put more of a focus on staying close with my family - my younger brother and I are very close, and it means the world to me. Second, I found out how good my friends really are - I wish it was under different circumstance, but sometimes it's critical/crucial situations when the best in your friends comes out.

I don't take life for granted anymore, and I try not to hold grudges (a difficult thing for someone who is stubborn as an ox). The 4th will never be the same for me, but in some ways, hanging out with friends and families, things are better and more special.

Weekly Homework Assignment

It's time once again for Mama Kat's weekly homework assignment! It's fun - you should give it a try! Anyway, I chose the prompt: Write five "Incredibly Short Books." Basically, it needs to be a contradiction, kind of like "Top Jewish Sports Heroes," or "Words that rhyme with purple."

OK, so here is my top 5:

* Honest Politicians of the 21st Century ... It just seems everywhere you look, a politician is cheating on his/her spouse, involved in some sort of political scandal, or not interested in doing what's best for the country ("my party over my country" shirts would sell millions on D.C. ... of course they'd find a way to make sure the tax-payers received the bill ... hey-yo!).

* Enduring Songs by Groups like Creed and Nickleback ... folks, this music is just plain awful, repetitive, and most unfortunately, popular. I've e-mailed Nickleback before, and asked them to stop. Sadly, they didn't listen.

* Funny Things Elaine Boosler Said ... I just never found her funny ... in fact, I hardly every find female stand-up comedians (comediennes) hilarious. Why is that? Sure, Ellen is kind of funny at times ... but outside of that, what else is there?

* Successful Family Feud Hosts Not Named Richard Dawson ... It seems like a revolving door when it comes to Family Feud ... Ray Combs, Tim the Tool Man's sidekick, that guy from Seinfeld, Louie Anderson ... who's next?

* Smart Decisions Made After Drinking Lots of Alcohol ... This is probably self-explanatory ... Many of these "great" decisions start off with a "Hey, watch this!" comment ... and end up in a hospital room.

Ummm .... huh?

***ALERT - This is a sports-related blog posting ... read at your own risk! ***

The Philadelphia Flyers have been acting awfully awkward in the last few weeks. The team that took the Stanley Cup champions to 6 games in a very physical and competitive series decided they needed to change things up more than a little bit ...

First, the Flyers decided to clean house between the pipes, getting rid of nice guy (but woefully inconsistent) goalie Martin Biron, and chronic underachiever Antero Nittymaki, not to mention long-time goaltending coach Reggie Lemelin. When the dust cleared, the Flyers had replaced them with Ray Emery ... yes, the Ray Emery who has done the following:

* Routinely missed practice in Ottawa because he overslept ... because he was partying too hard the night before.
* Called out his entire Ottawa team, thus alienating himself, assisting in a rather large collapse of a promising playoff team.
* After getting cut by Ottawa, he went to Russia (his only real job offer), and ended up strangling his trainer.

So, why did the Flyers take a chance on Emery? He is a VERY good goaltender, and probably has the ability to be a top-tier goalie ... he also came on the cheap - the salary-cap troubled Flyers only had to pay up 1.5 million for him for 2009. I guess, in a sense, it's a small risk, based on the small salary. However, he's already ruined one team ... the leadership in Philly is still very young - I'd hate to see him contaminate this organization.

The Flyers also made waves in the draft, trading for veteran (applying for senior citizen status) defenseman Chris Pronger. Pronger, dangerously close to age 35, is practically guaranteed to make it to the hall of fame when he retires, and he certainly still has enough left in the tank to help the Flyers on the blue line. But, did the Flyers really have to give up so much for a 35-year-old defenseman with one-year left on his contract?

Joffrey Lupol (scored 26 goals last year), Lucas Sbisa (will be a top-tier defenseman in the near future), two first-round draft picks, and a third round draft pick ... folks, that's the mark of a desperate team ... it's risky, and the downside is huge. There's a lot of ifs on this Flyers teams ... and usually that many ifs is not a good thing.

Song of the Week

In "honor" of the passing of the king of pop, I figured the least I could do was to focus this week's song of the week to Michael Jackson. Now, I'm not a huge Michael Jackson fan, but I don't mind his music, either ... well, at least not his early music (I'd say until about 1991). None of his albums are on my top 10, 20, or 50 lists, but I would say that in the pantheon of rock/pop music, Jackson's Thriller ablum would have to fall into one of the greatest albums ever made.

His Thriller album produced what seemed to be endless hits - Billy Jean, P.Y.T., Thriller, Wanna Be Startin' Something, Human Nature ... I mean, my god! That's a career for most pop artists, isn't it?

I left one song out ... probably the best song on the album ... maybe the best song he's ever done. Think about it ... the song is absolutely catchy, employs many of Michael's memorable grunts, employs an underrated baseline, and was spoofed by Weird Al Yankovic (probably the greatest of the accolades).

Not only that, but Eddie Van Halen provides an uncredited guitar solo ... which probably helped the song achieve cross-over status from purely pop stations to rock stations.

Plus, Michael looked like a badass in this video, involved in a gang fight ... that sadly transformed into some ridiculous dance-off. Still, a great song, and a good video. Michael was at the top of his game.

Fast Food Corner

Sometimes you have to think outside of the box. It has become obvious (at least to me) that nobody will ever improve on the french fry that McDonalds created. Burger King tried to revamp their fries 10 years ago, and failed miserably. Wendy's has ok fries, but most of the time, they get too soggy.

Arby's decided to scrap their regular fries quite a few years ago, and focus on a different kind of fry - the curly fry. The fries resemble shoe-string fries very little, but that's ok.

These curly fries are like heaven in a grease-encrusted bag. Crispy, nicely seasoned ... and curly. It's amazing what curls will do for a french fry. I guess the only complaint I have is that the curly fries are so long, you really only get a handful of curly fries in the box. I need more, dammit!

By the way, I'm not sure how curly fries would go with regular burgers ... but they go oh so well with roast beef sandwiches!

I Wanna Rot With You ....

We've certainly taken a hit this week with the celebrity deaths. Philly's own Ed McMahon passed away (funny story - someone at work said she couldn't believe he died .... THE MAN WAS 87 ... REALLY? YOU COULDN'T BELIEVE IT?) Of course, poster-diva Farrah Fawcett passed away too after a lengthy battle with cancer (we'll keep it at that and try not to mention where the cancer was). And, of course, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson finally "Beat it." Thank you, thank you - I'll be here all week ... remember to tip your waitresses and bartenders!

I guess I'm not sure how I feel about his passing. I was a "recreational" Michael Jackson fan ... which means I liked some of his music, but really only shelled out money on his greatest hits cd when it was in a discount bin at a local record store. Certainly, he was a main influence to many of today's pop-stars through his amazing work in the 1980's, and he was able to accrue a large fan-base, both from his time in the Jackson 5 as well as through his solo work.

However, the past 18 years or so have been, how can we put this, absolutely tragic for Michael. I mean first of all, his transformation to a good looking (I'm straight, by the way) young man, to something that could easily pass for an alien in a Star Trek movie has been truly surreal. First, his nose started shrinking. Then his skin went from brown to translucent. Then, he became extremely frail and thin. His voice became lighter and lighter, as if he had turned into a grandmother.

That wouldn't be so bad, if that was all that happened. No, sadly, Michael started doing some crazy stuff ... like buying the bones of the elephant man, hanging out with a monkey, building an amusement park he lived in, and apparently using that park to attract young children to do stuff with (I won't go into that too much either, as we all already know what that "stuff" was). His reputation and image pretty much became irreparable ... at least while he was living. He was a walking punchline ... in fact, I think this was a prerequisite for all comedians - to have a Michael Jackson joke in his or her arsenal.

So now that he is dead, how will he be remembered? Will we remember him as the pop-legend from the 1980's - the guy who made multi-zippered red jackets, parachute pants, and the moon-walk cool? Or will we remember him as that nut-case who looked like he could turn to dust in the midst of a stiff breeze? So far, it seems like his image has benefitted from his death (as weird as THAT may seem). But, I'm not sure I can ever forget the past 18 years when it comes to Michael.

Things I learned in the Catskills

Just a few random things I learned in the Catskill Mountains ...

* German polka is really only good in small doses ... and when you're drunk.
* Make sure to wear bug spray whilst hiking ... ALWAYS!
* Tennis really tires you out.
* German beer is really good.
* I look drunk when I try to waltz even when I'm sober.
* Being without tv and computers for 3 days isn't all that bad.
* Germans love shuffleboard.
* Weird Al Yankovic is not related to Frank Yankovic, the king of polka.
* Noodles taste better than potatoes ... even in the Catskill Mountains.
* New Yorkers are annoying drivers.