We've gotten so much rain around in the past month, that I've begun to grow webbed feet ...
1. On a man being in a critical condition after being shot in the head with a potato gun in a forest:
"According to sources, his brain is a littled 'mashed...' - a-thank-ya!"
2. On a retired bus driver who loved comic books dying in a house fire that virtually gutted his modest home ... except for his comic book collection:
"My guess is that he probably didn't have a wife ..."
3. On a substitute teacher who was arrested for drinking at school ... police found a bottle of Grey Goose in her drawer:
"Hic ... now, who in here wants to learn how to add using shot glasses ... hic!"
4. On a man who ran into a school because he had to evacuate his bowels causing an entire school evacuation:
"Wow ... that must've been one heckuva growler!"
5. On beavers being blamed for Harrisburg water snafu:
"This sounds like a plot in a porno ..."