Sunday, April 29, 2007

Stoppage Time

Just a few thoughts and observations of the weekend:

1. To that ass-clown of a police officer who told us we couldn’t tailgate for the Phillies game – It’s nice to see that you’ve solved all of the crime problems in the city, so that you can focus on the real issue of people having fun prior to an event. The city should be proud to have such dedicated and misdirected people working for the it … I feel safe knowing the city is confident in providing them fire-arms.

2. The NFL draft is way too f-in’ long, and it seems like it’s only getting longer (that’s what she said). When will it stop? Will every team get a full day to make a pick in the first round eventually? Can the draft last an entire month? Is that the goal of the NFL? Ridiculous.

3. The Reverend got more than a little drunk last night at his bachelor party. I think we accomplished our mission – giving him a fun send-off into married life. I’m guessing he probably had a rough Sunday morning/afternoon, but I’m confident it was worth it.

4. So, in preparation for the bachelor party, I ordered tickets for the Phillies game via the phone. We went to the ticket office prior to entering the stadium to pick up the tickets. The guy at the ticket office gave me the tickets – and I took them without looking at them. Thankfully, one of the members of the bachelor party noticed that the tickets were printed for Sunday afternoon – oops! Luckily, the ticket guy agreed to exchange the tickets for the Saturday night game … although, as the game went on, I openly wondered whether or not it would’ve been better to go to Sunday’s game (the Phils lost 11-5 – ugh!).

5. We went to a “gentleman’s” establishment after the game for a few hours … don’t worry ladies, it was a more upscale one. In fact, I got a massage there … a real one … with a fully clothed lady. And it was good … and not in a sexual way, either. Weird.

6. The countdown is on – less than 1 week until the Reverend gets married. The Earth might fall off of its axis.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

One Small Step ...

Today I was half-tempted to write about my utter disappointment in the fast-food industry for no longer cheerfully offering ketchup at the drive-thru window, but that will have to be a topic for another post, because this weekend, the Reverend takes another giant step in his journey away from bachelorhood. That’s right, Smokin’s bachelor party takes place this Saturday!

What a journey it has been for Steve in these past few months. Not only has he moved into a house, but he switched jobs (and successfully passed his series 6 and 63 tests with flying colors), AND has been planning a wedding. A normal man probably would’ve gone Michael Jackson (or Alec Baldwin) on us by this point, but not the Rev! He has flourished under the pressure, and now gets to reap the rewards of his labor.

Hopefully, the bachelor party will be a good start to this. It’s not going to be anything elaborate, but seriously, who needs elaborate anyway? As long as we all have a good time, AND WE WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME, that’s all that matters. We’ll start the festivities by tailgating down in South Philly prior to the Phillies game (Uncle Charlie, you MUST win this one for Steve, ok?). Then, we’ll actually go to the game, hang around and act like idiots (something we are very good at), and then take in some “gentleman’s” entertainment at a local establishment of sorts. The alcohol should make this a very smooth event (or not).

So, Steve, the countdown has begun. You have just over a week of freedom left, before you take the plunge. I wanted to personally congratulate you on all you’ve accomplished, and wish you the best to your new future … I’m sure I’ll ramble this many times in a drunken stupor on Saturday night, in between curse words. Enjoy, big guy, this night is yours!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Where the "Streets" Have no Name

As I mentioned before, here is the picture of Milton Street with a friend that was taken last week. Milton Street, as I said before, is the degenerate brother of the current degenerate mayor, John Street.

Being mayor of Philadelphia has many expectations tied to it, one of the major ones is the ability to be corrupt … so much so that it is almost second nature. Pay to play schemes as well as mismanagement of anything and everything run by the city are beyond common-place. Kow-towing to ridiculously powerful unions is a must (hey, they helped you get the union vote – ya gotta keep ‘em happy, right?). This has become so natural and expected over the years.

Thanks to the mayors we’ve had in the past, Camden now has a thriving waterfront that includes a large aquarium, and a very nice indoor/outdoor concert venue … both of which would’ve been welcome additions on the Penns Landing waterfront had it not been for slime-ball mayors who, for one reason or another, did not fight the bloated unions to bring these projects here.

You’ve probably heard of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, right? Ever wonder why it’s located in Cleveland? Again, thank the mayor of Philadelphia for that one, because the original idea was to build this in the City of Brotherly Love … again, ludicrous union demands chased them away. We have a hole in the ground in Center City, which was supposed to be some grand Disney building … yep, you guessed it – our mayor was responsible. Heck, we even had a mayor who bombed his own city in 1985. Folks, I can’t make that one up.

Why am I bringing this up now? Simple – Philadelphia is in the middle of yet another mayoral election, with each candidate (including Milton Street) promising a change. It’s laughable, really. The corruption is overwhelming. The mayor doesn’t even hold the power in the city … it’s all of the other “special interest groups” that feed money to the mayor’s office that hold all the power. Sadly, the inhabitants of the city who vote for mayor don’t really care about credentials. Instead, they vote whatever the unions or their “racial leaders” tell them to vote. So, we’ll end up getting more botched jobs, streets that take forever to fix, and a public transportation system that even Kenneth Lay probably would’ve thought was mismanaged. But, here’s to holding out hope that somebody somehow gets in who actually gives a crap about Philly.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Weekend of Photos

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this weekend was truly a remarkable one with regards to photo opportunities ... thankfully we had our camera phones, so that we could share these experiences with you! Enjoy:

This absolute classic was taken at a fundraising "casino night" in Delaware. We were in line to cash in our chips, when my wife looked down and saw this sight. In case you don't know what this is, it is an old ladies "rear bumper" with some toilet paper hanging out! Gold!

This guy was tailgating ... which is generally not a big deal if you are at a concert or sporting event. However, this guy was tailgating in the Shop Rite parking lot. My guess is that he drove his wife to the store, and let her shop, while he took in the rays at the supermarket.

Now, we had another pic, but I can't find it. It was of a friend with Milton Street, the degenerate brother of the degenerate mayor of Philadelphia. Oh well - hope these made ya laugh.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Stoppage Time

Couple of interesting things were discussed today that I thought I’d share with you:

1. What’s the deal with those bite sized candy bars? Are they REALLY bite sized? There are far better names that can be used for these ridiculously small pieces of chocolate – we came up with a few:
“Are You Serious” Sized.
“What the Hell is This” Sized
“You Must Really Not Like Me” Sized
“Cheap-ass” Sized
Insignificant Sized
“What’s the Point” Sized
Hershey Kiss Sized

2. We were talking about Philadelphia sports, and since the Phillies are doing so poorly right now, people are now focusing on the countdown to Eagles training camp. All we in Philly do is focus on the next team’s training camp countdown, because are teams are perennial losers. So, after week 8 of the Eagles season, we’ll probably be commenting on “pitchers and catchers” again. It is a sick cycle. Woe is me!

3. We had a baby shower at work for one of our coworkers today. Guys were invited to this. We all sat at the same table, and mocked the girls who “Oohed,” and “Ahhed” at the presents being opened. It was nice to partake in eating the wide variety of desserts available to us, but outside of that, this is an event guys really are not made for … now, that being said, I somehow won the “Guess How Many M&M’s are in the baby bottle” contest, guessing 276, with the correct amount being 279. Does this make me gay? I hope not … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

In a Word .... Grotesque.

I was once a college student … sure, it’s been more than a dozen years since graduation, but this tragic incident that happened on the campus of Virginia Tech a few days ago affected me a little. For those of you who haven’t heard (I’m basically speaking to my international friends here), there was a shooting at a college campus in Virginia in which a lone gunman killed more than 30 students including himself, physically injuring more than 20 more students, and probably emotionally and mentally injuring countless others.

For me, the University was a safe place to be … except maybe on weekends of home football games where State College became the third largest city in Pennsylvania … but I digress. College life for me was a time to grow up, learn, and socialize (never in that particular order). It was a safe haven for me to do all of those things. Sure, you would hear of the occasional suicide, and as tragic as that may be, it pales in comparison to what took place at Virginia Tech.

I couldn’t even imagine being a parent of a student attending classes there, hearing about this chaotic situation, and not being able to get in contact with my child. Many experienced this yesterday … some faced the realization that one of their very own was a victim in this grotesque occurrence. This nightmare is one they will unfortunately have difficulty waking from for a long time. I pray for them.

What I have trouble understanding is how somebody can take so many other people’s lives along with his/her own. Taking your own life is one thing (and certainly not acceptable), but dragging thirty others with you along with numerous ones who are directly and/or indirectly affected is beyond evil, and I am having trouble formulating the words to describe the anger and sorrow that I have. My hope, as always, is that we learn something from this.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Stoppage Time

Since I’m drawing a blank on what to write about on such a dreary Sunday, I figured I’d share some recent movies, music, and/or entertainment that I’ve encountered:

Band – While on I-Tunes, a suggestion was made to check into a band called K-OS. I’m sure some of you have heard of this rapper/mixer, but being a Philly guy, we don’t have radio stations that expand our music experience (translation – canned reprocessed crap). This is a description of the latest album from the Virgin music website:

Atlantis - Hymns for Disco is k-os most personal album yet, coming off of the near double platinum sales of Joyful Rebellion, k-os takes his music, artistry and message to a new level. With a fine balance of diverse musical sounds, brilliant vocals, and insightful lyrics, he satisfies the longtime "Superstarr P.0" fan yet easily makes the newfound "Crabbuckit" fan feel right at home.

I was so impressed by this, I bought the entire cd – has a very cool mix of 80’s rap sounds, reggae music, some Latin-style guitar stylings, and rock and roll. In one song, he even fuses 50’s Elvis rock with rap … and it works! It is diverse, a more intelligent sound than what Outkast plays, but with the same infectious toe-tappability (is that even a word?). I would recommend having a listen to “Sunday Morning,” as well as “Valhalla.”

Movie – I got a chance to catch that movie “Click” last weekend, starring Adam Sandler … I know, it’s been over a year since it came out, but hey, better late than never. So, anyway, I was expecting a laugh-a-minute comedy, and probably for the first ½ hour, that’s what it was. But, man, did that movie get sad or what? I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – in fact, it probably made the movie better from an artistic standpoint. It’s just not the comedy that it was made out to be … probably more of a rom-com … which, as you may know, I love anyway. Certainly a good flick to catch on a date.

Book - The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, by Malcolm Gladwell … yes, even I read books sometimes. This was recommended by a coworker, and once I picked it up, I couldn’t put it down. It

This is a summary that I “borrowed” from It sums it up better than I ever could:

The premise of this facile piece of pop sociology has built-in appeal: little changes can have big effects; when small numbers of people start behaving differently, that behavior can ripple outward until a critical mass or "tipping point" is reached, changing the world. Gladwell's thesis that ideas, products, messages and behaviors "spread just like viruses do" remains a metaphor as he follows the growth of "word-of-mouth epidemics" triggered with the help of three pivotal types. These are Connectors, sociable personalities who bring people together; Mavens, who like to pass along knowledge; and Salesmen, adept at persuading the unenlightened. (Paul Revere, for example, was a Maven and a Connector). Gladwell's applications of his "tipping point" concept to current phenomena--such as the drop in violent crime in New York, the rebirth of Hush Puppies suede shoes as a suburban mall favorite, teenage suicide patterns and the efficiency of small work units--may arouse controversy. For example, many parents may be alarmed at his advice on drugs: since teenagers' experimentation with drugs, including cocaine, seldom leads to hardcore use, he contends, "We have to stop fighting this kind of experimentation. We have to accept it and even embrace it." While it offers a smorgasbord of intriguing snippets summarizing research on topics such as conversational patterns, infants' crib talk, judging other people's character, cheating habits in schoolchildren, memory sharing among families or couples, and the dehumanizing effects of prisons, this volume betrays its roots as a series of articles for the New Yorker, where Gladwell is a staff writer: his trendy material feels bloated and insubstantial in book form. Agent, Tina Bennett of Janklow & Nesbit.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

We Have A Winner!

The Anna Nicole verdict came in today, and “justifiably” there was tons of news coverage that followed. We finally have a winner in the “Who’s Baby Batter Was Strongest” sweepstakes. But there is one minor question that hasn’t been answered yet, and dammit, I gotta know!

Why in tarnations (yet again!) is nobody reporting how much of a slut this humanoid was? I mean, c’mon – people were coming out of the woodwork claiming they were the father, and there were certainly some, at the very least, viable claims. How many people entered her “promised land” exactly at the time? Was it 3, 4, 100? Wouldn’t this be more compelling to talk about instead of making this whole ordeal seem like some sort of game show?

Has our society decayed to this level, and if so, when did it happen? Was it because of that “Achy Breaky Heart” song in the early ‘90’s? Is Simon Cowell behind it? Maybe it’s that Atkins diet fad. Somebody help me here!

The publicity she’s getting pisses me off more than the popularity of NASCAR … and that’s saying something. What’s even more infuriating is that nobody is saying anything negative about her. It even seems like she’s getting more praise than Mother Theresa. I’m at a loss. Instead, we focus on that retard Imus blabbering about a women’s college basketball team? What the hell is going on here?

Please, SOMEBODY, put out a negative story about her … somebody PLEASE belittle her! C’mon – are you telling me that FOX doesn’t have the balls to do something like this???? Just plain ri-gosh-darn-diculous!


As a follow-up on the Don Imus story, I am appalled that these media stations kow-towed to this “public” outcry commandeered by that butt-nugget Al Sharpton. As a reminder, I do think that what Imus said was stupid, insensitive, and pointless. However, I think MOST people probably don’t even listen to Imus in the first place. And for those who did, I’m sure most probably took it with a grain of salt. However, because of a few people who were able to organize a letter-writing campaign (much like those few blowhards on the religious right like to do), advertisers trembled with fear, and the media stations reacted poorly.

Anyway, I happened to come across this well-written article that sums everything up … and get this – it was written by an African American. Read it, and let me know what you think:

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Imus be Dreaming ...

I don’t think I’ll get much of a counter-argument when I say that Don Imus is an ass-hat. Obviously, his comments about the Rutgers women’s basketball team were stupid, short-sighted, and just plain wrong. But, the uproar that he’s receiving, in my mind, is ludicrous. He apologized, and he’s been belittled. I think that is punishment enough.

So, why is it that whenever somebody says something racist and stupid, a.k.a. Michael Richards, do they have to go on the Al Sharpton show and grovel for forgiveness? Seriously, when did this clown fart become the beacon of racial sensitivity? When was the vote held for this? I never got the memo. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

I mean all Sharpton does is have them apologize and call themselves stupid, and THEN he doesn’t even forgive them, and instead asks the public to take a giant dump on them. C’mon, if Sharpton didn’t have these “guests” on his show, who in tarnations (there’s that word again) would give a flying rat’s ass about his radio program? I’m sick of this, I tell ya!

Again, I’m not defending Imus or anything he said. I’ve never listened to the guy before, but I’m pretty sure that’s his schtick … saying controversial things so that people notice. It’s done by most of the popular jocks, including Stern, Hannady, Franken, and people from all political parties.

You know, Sharpton has said more than his share of controversial stuff in his time. What show does he go on to kick himself in the nuts? Does he even have to, and if not, why does he get a mulligan?

Here’s just a few of Sharpton’s shenanigans from the past (thanks to

1987: Sharpton spreads the incendiary Tawana Brawley hoax, insisting heatedly that a 15-year-old black girl was abducted, raped, and smeared with feces by a group of white men. He singles out Steve Pagones, a young prosecutor. Pagones is wholly innocent -- the crime never occurred -- but Sharpton taunts him: "If we're lying, sue us, so we can . . . prove you did it." Pagones does sue, and eventually wins a $345,000 verdict for defamation. To this day, Sharpton refuses to recant his unspeakable slander or to apologize for his role in the odious affair.

1991: A Hasidic Jewish driver in Brooklyn's Crown Heights section accidentally kills Gavin Cato, a 7-year-old black child, and antisemitic riots erupt. Sharpton races to pour gasoline on the fire. At Gavin's funeral he rails against the "diamond merchants" -- code for Jews -- with "the blood of innocent babies" on their hands. He mobilizes hundreds of demonstrators to march through the Jewish neighborhood, chanting, "No justice, no peace." A rabbinical student, Yankel Rosenbaum, is surrounded by a mob shouting "Kill the Jews!" and stabbed to death.

1995: When the United House of Prayer, a large black landlord in Harlem, raises the rent on Freddy's Fashion Mart, Freddy's white Jewish owner is forced to raise the rent on his subtenant, a black-owned music store. A landlord-tenant dispute ensues; Sharpton uses it to incite racial hatred. "We will not stand by," he warns malignantly, "and allow them to move this brother so that some white interloper can expand his business." Sharpton's National Action Network sets up picket lines; customers going into Freddy's are spat on and cursed as "traitors" and "Uncle Toms." Some protesters shout, "Burn down the Jew store!" and simulate striking a match. "We're going to see that this cracker suffers," says Sharpton's colleague Morris Powell. On Dec. 8, one of the protesters bursts into Freddy's, shoots four employees point-blank, then sets the store on fire. Seven employees die in the inferno.

Way to go, Rev! You know what they say about people in glass houses …

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Easter Fools...

Looking back to when I was a kid during Easter, I realize the lengths my parents went to pull the wool over my head … and how willing I was to go along with everything. I mean, think about it – we would spend an afternoon painting Easter eggs, and then I would be told that an Easter bunny would come around, take those eggs, and hide them in my yard. Why on Earth couldn’t the Easter bunny just paint the eggs him (or her) self, and then hide them. Certainly, this bunny did not match up to Santa Claus in the least. However, for some reason, I never questioned this, and I still believed in the Easter bunny.

On Easter, when I was young, it rained, so the “Easter Bunny” had to hide the eggs inside the house. I was freaked out by this. How in tarnations (yeah, I used the word tarnations … what are you gonna do about it?) did the bunny get inside in the first place? I was concerned about a bunny getting in the house, but never once concerned about a big fat man with a large bag coming into my house every year. Still, after finding the eggs and Easter baskets filled with chocolate, my fear for the bunny subsided.

But probably the biggest “fear” I had on Easter Sunday was the fear of what kind of suit my mom was going to make me wear to church that day. Far and away my least favorite of these was the tan 3-piece suit she made me put on, on more than one occasion. I looked like a giant pound-cake. Not only that, but the cheap polyester material that the suit was made of, always made sitting through church and Sunday school nearly impossible. I dreaded it. My mom always tried to bribe me by taking me across the street afterwards to Davis’s Trading Post, where I would have to make the tough decision on purchasing baseball cards, Mork and Mindy cards, or a Reggie candy bar. Ah, the memories.

I know, I know – I’ve totally talked about the “bad” side of Easter … not going into the true meaning. But seriously, can you forgive me? I was just a little kid at the time.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Entrance Songs

Part 1:
So, I was listening to the radio the other day, and “Legs” by Z-Z Top comes on. It hits me. I need to write a blog about famous wrestling entrance themes … now, I know … I’ve probably lost half of you, and the other half probably is drunk. Anyway, as many of you know, I am a big wrestling fan … actually, that’s not entirely true … I’m rapidly losing interest in pro wrestling, but that’s not the point of this blog (trust me, it’s not). I’ve decided to put a list of rock songs and see if any of you can remember which wrestler or wrestlers used the song as an entrance theme in the 1980’s. Here goes nothing:

1. Sharp Dressed Man, by Z-Z Top
2. Eye of the Tiger, by Survivor
3. Another One Bites the Dust, by Queen
4. The Boys are Back in Town, by Thin Lizzy
5. Freebird, by Lynard Skynard
6. Rock and Roll is King, by ELO
7. Fight for Your Right to Party, by the Beastie Boyz
8. Bad to the Bone, by George Thorogood (2 guys used this one)
9. We are Family, by Sister Sledge
10. I Need a Hero, by Bonnie Tyler
11. Enter Sandman – Metallica
12. Smooth Operator - Sade
(don’t worry, I’ll give the answers out after you guys and gals respond).

Part 2: If you were a wrestler (c’mon, play along), what would your entrance theme be? I have a couple that I would so love to use. Here they are in no particular order:

Start Me Up – Rolling Stones
Cum On Feel the Noize – Quiet Riot
Sister Havana – Urge Overkill
I Want it All – Queen

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

You Snorted What????

Just when I think that my love for the Rolling Stones has reached it’s apex, I read an interview with Keith Richards in which he states that the weirdest thing he’s ever snorted was his father’s ashes (mixed with a little blow). My god, this guy is probably the most hard-core rocker that has ever lived. Rob Zombie thinks this guy is crazy. Check out the interview here:

Keith Richards has been probably the most outspoken member of the Stones, and if trouble isn’t out to find him, he’s probably out looking for it. But, that’s what endears me (and millions upon millions of others) to him and the band.

I’ll share a few of my favorite Keith stories for ya … just because I feel like it. Probably his funniest “recent” one was after Elton John released “Candle in the Wind” for the umpteenth time after Princess Diana passed away. When asked about this, Richards said something along the lines of, “Well, I hope for everyone’s sake, no more famous blondes die, so we don’t have to hear that song again.” Elton John, upset by Keith’s comments, said something along the lines of, “Why are we even listening to this drug addict.” Richards responded, “This, coming from a drug addict.”

When asked about the death of George Harrison, Richards retorted (again, my own words), “It’s a shame that the wrong two Beatles had to die.” I’m guessing Sir Paul was none too pleased with his assessment. And, I’m pretty sure nobody even bothered to ask Ringo about this.

I found a website that has a bunch of classic Keith Richards quotes – I figure I’d borrow from it ( Enjoy:

1. “I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.”
2. “If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.”
3. “I never thought I was wasted, but I probably was.”
4. “I only get ill when I give up drugs.”
5. “You've got the sun, you've got the moon, and you've got the Rolling Stones”
6. “Whatever side I take, I know well that I will be blamed.”
7. “Rock and Roll: Music for the neck downwards.”
8. “The king is the man who can.”
9. “Mick has to get up in the morning with a plan. Who he's going to call, what he's going to eat, where he's going to go. Me, I wake up, praise the Lord, then make sure all the phones are turned off. If we were a mum-and-pop operation, then he'd be Mum.”
10. “If you don't know the blues, ... there's no point in picking up the guitar and playing rock and roll or any other form of popular music.”
11. “It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere.”
12. “It's an addiction, ... and addiction is something I should know something about.”
13. “Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get, the older you want to get.”

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Some Things I Learned This Weekend ...

Some Interesting Things I found out This Weekend

1. A friend of mine once had such a dry spell when it came to dating, that even a girl he wasn’t going out with called him up and broke up with him … I’m not sure one can get any lower than this.

2. Guy’s Night Out isn’t apparently what it once was … at least with regards to some of my friends. We spend this “night” watching the first game of the NCAA basketball semifinals. By 9:00, my one friend was ready for bed … sigh.

3. Apparently, everybody knows a good auto body place to go to. When I mentioned that I was involved in a little fender-bender, I got what seemed be endless suggestions on where to take my car. By the way, the final cost of the damager to my car was … get this …. $4,675.00. Unbelievable.

4. That movie, RV, starring Robin Williams, sucks. When was the last time he was in a really funny movie? It’s depressing. There was a time when this guy could do no wrong. Now, even Chevy Chase doesn’t think he’s funny.

5. In a conversation with a good friend, we were talking about games we used to play as kids, and he brought up one in which he couldn’t remember the entire name. He said it was called, “Something or Dare.” This produced a plethora of other titles like, “Hide-and-go something,” “Marco something,” “Kick the something,” “basket-something,” and “Cowboys and something.” I know what you’re thinking … and no, we aren’t retarded.

6. This same friend used to write and produce his own “newspaper” as a kid, complete with world news and a comic strip. In fact, one summer, he was releasing it daily … I thought this was weird and cool at the same time.