Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Colds Make Me Say Nasty Things

Well, we finally reached 2006. And, I brought the New Year in with style … as I contracted my annual cold/flu over vacation. A new year couldn’t go by without me hacking up enough mucus to fill a swimming pool. So, because I’m not feeling great, I decided I would put a list of things I hate together:

1. Can somebody please explain to me the “philosophy” the NFL uses when they go to timeout after a score, then come back for the kickoff, only to immediately go back to commercials? It’s ONE PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do we seriously need another commercial after 1 frickin’ play? Seriously, if you need to run the commercials, why not spend the extra minute after the score, so that you do not have to break up the game anymore, you corporate whores. I’m sick of it.

2. Skating with Celebrities????? Are you serious? I can’t wait for “Baking With Celebrities,” “Sleeping With Celebrities,” and “Off-roadin’ With Celebrities.” Enough, already. And please, take American Idol, and shove it up your ass.

3. Did the NFL regular season end? I didn’t notice. I watched part of another poor excuse for an Eagles game, and Joe Buck mentioned that the Eagles season was mercifully over. It was a very depressing season. Last year, before the Eagles even got T.O., my friend from Baltimore called to gloat (when it was reported T.O. was going to the Ravens). I told him that T.O. would not be the ticket to the championship, and that he would ultimately shake the organization to its foundation. Boy, what a prognosticator I was. The only thing was, that he ended up coming to Philly and doing this. Ugh.

4. Arrested Development is getting canceled? Why? Apparently, the show is too good for a channel like FOX. Of course, this is the channel that canceled Family Guy a few years ago, and replaced it with the blockbuster Tucker show.

5. Can we all get on with our lives, please? I am sick of hearing the “Nick and Jessica” gossip, and the “Brad and Angelina and Jennifer” triangle. Surely there must be something more important to discuss at the water cooler than a bunch of over-priced prim donnas having marital problems?

6. Can we finally put Dick Clark back in the freezer? I think it is time to get a new host for New Years, and no, I don’t think Regis is the answer. Isn’t he older than Dick Clark? Why not try Adam Carolla or Jimmy Kimmel? How much worse could it get?

3 comments:

Jeff said...

Well, we finally reached 2006. And, I brought the New Year in with style … as I contracted my annual cold/flu over vacation.
** Nice. So did I, but I'll spare the graphic details (specifically, the Magic Nose Goblins). Hope you're better soon.

1. Can somebody please explain to me the “philosophy” the NFL uses when they go to timeout ...
** Actually, it's the TV networks' philosophy: maximize profit.
** What kills me more: no commercials during those 5-min replay reviews.

2. Skating with Celebrities????? Are you serious?
** I think this is a good idea, just poorly applied. Give them sticks and a puck. Add more celebrity psychos like Mike Tyson. And make them cross-dress.

“Sleeping With Celebrities,”
** Done -- it's called the daily news.

3. Did the NFL regular season end?
** Yes. The playoffs will cover January, and the 2006 season starts approximately Valentine's Day.

4. Arrested Development is getting canceled? Why?
** Not enough people watch.

5. Can we all get on with our lives, please? I am sick of hearing the “Nick and Jessica” gossip, and the “Brad and Angelina and Jennifer” triangle.
** This from the guy who put Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in his other blog about 25x.

6. Can we finally put Dick Clark back in the freezer?
** Next to Ted Williams?

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

1. I discussed this last night. It's done that way because of people's attention spans. A one minute break is always better than a two minute break if you can get away with it. Advertisers want their message to stand out more, and if you bury it in the middle of a longer set of commercials, they are not happy about that. So we get more frequent breaks instead of longer ones. I don't know if it is right, but that is why they do it.

2. I personally like shows where celebrities fall on their asses a lot.

3. The NFL never ends. It just crowns a champion and takes a different form.

4. A great show that no one watches is as useful to a network as tits on a bull.

5. Because watching celebrities screw up their lives provides a lot of high comedic moments. If they are going to live their lives in that kind of world, I am going to use them for my amusement as I see fit. And if that means talking about their ass when they screw up their marriage, then so be it. I know there are more important things to talk about. I talk about those things a lot. But they ask for it.

6. Hey... I like Dick. Clark, that is. Dick Clark is still cool. Ryan Seacrest is not half the broadcaster Dick Clark is.

Reverse said...

2. Skating with Celebrities????? Are you serious? I can’t wait for “Baking With Celebrities,” “Sleeping With Celebrities,” and “Off-roadin’ With Celebrities.” Enough, already. And please, take American Idol, and shove it up your ass.

Stacy Keibler, of WWE fame, will be on "Dancing with the Stars II" January 5th. I'm in...