Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Since it's Mother's Day, I figure I'd share some "Inga-isms" with you. My mom has become sort of a legend to my friends. You see, she has been in this country (she was born in Germany) for more than 40 years, and she still hasn't gotten this English thing down.
My friends hope that she answers the phone so that they may be blessed with an Inga-ism. What is an Inga-ism, you ask? Well, an Inga-ism is any phrase that my mom says that would normally not make sense if anyone else said it. Enjoy, and remember .... you must read these in your best German accent!

1. "Kal's in the toilet." The grand-daddy of them all! My mom uses this phrase when I'm in the bathroom and can't get to the phone. She has ruined many a date for me in the past.
2. "Kal, do the jellybeans bite?" Mom used this one when we were in Myrtle Beach, in the ocean. My response was, "The red ones are a little spicy."
3. "Kal, would you like a beagle for breakfast?" Don't go to the trouble, just give me a basset hound.
4. "Kal, the smoke detector is empty." Well, fill it back up with smoke!
5. "I'll have prime rib, baked potato, and salad with french fry dressing." McDonalds, I think I have a new idea for you!
6. "Kal's in the basement, making exercise." This is what I'm doing when I should be working out.
7. "Kal, did Pete Samford win Wilmington?" Apparently a new tennis player has won a tournament in Delaware.
8. "Kal, enjoy the boys." This is what she tells me when I go to the bars.
9. "Kurt, go to Olidators to get film for your camera." Olidators is short for National Wholesale Liquidators.
10. "Look at all the big boys!" My mom enjoying my friends.
11. "Kal, would you like some warm chocolate milk?" Hot Chocolate never sounded so good!
12. "Kal, will there be any stripers at the bachelor party?" Mom wanting to know what kind of fish there will be.
13. "Kal, tuck your pants out!" Mom telling me to untuck my pants.
14. "Kal, close the light!" Apparently, the light was left open.
15. "No, I'm sorry. Kal's in Sue." My mom telling a friend I was over at Sue's house.
16. "I called Kal on the cellophone." 6/3/01 I love popping cellophone.
17. "This is girlfriend Sue." 6/3/01 Meet George Jetson.....Daughter Judy...
18. "I would like a strawberry dougherty." Er, I'm sorry, we don't make Dougherty's.
19. "Kal took the salami." But what did I do with it?
20. "Kal, Uncle Ernst won a DD player." Sounds kinky.
21. "Kal, is the ocean big?" Not so big this time of year.
22. "Kal, did you hear about the Amtrak scare?" No, but I did hear about the Anthrax scare.
23. "Kal, you should take your CD player to Circus City." Nah, I hear they hire a bunch of clowns!
24. "Kal, you should put silicone on your sunburn." That way I could increase it's size.
25. "I saw people putting down $100 on Jack Black." He is a pretty good actor, I guess.
26. "I like the socks with the holes in them (fishnet stockings)." I have plenty of those.
27. "I hope they don't put up another CVS or Greenwalls!" If there's one thing I can't stand, it's another one of those Greenwalls!
28. "I think Demon's has better ribs than Applebey's." They are devilishly good!
29. "I would like the fried chimps." Inga, ordering the fried shrimp at Red Lobster.
30. "Do you want an advertiser?" Inga, asking if anybody would like appetizers.

10 comments:

snowelf said...

Los,

Oh, my, your mom is a hoot!! I totally adore her!

--snow :)

Jeff said...

We should combine the Inga-isms. For example:

"Kal took the salami in the basement, making exercise."

-B- said...

These are too funny - #29 reminds me of one of the rare times my mother got drunk many years ago when she said, "Are there any shimps left *hic*?" asking for more shrimp. We still give her hell about it!! lol

El Padrino said...

excellent

Christina_the_wench said...

Your mom is my new idol. LOVE her.

Superstar said...

*sniff*
*Sniff*

LOL ;o) That is so sweet!

OMG!!! I remember some of these from your podcast...
Speaking of which...When y'all going to do another?!?!?!

Rainman said...

OMG I just pissed myself "Fried Chimps".

I have a buddy who's Mom has the same sort of accent. She is German also... go figure. I love it when she swears at him in German.

Ink and Stone said...

Mmmmmmm... fried chimps!

Mama en Fuego said...

You mom reminds me of Borat...

mollymcmo said...

LMAO!!! i'm german on my dad's side and i swear my oma is JUST like that!!! haha!
i so enjoyed that!
i have an aunt named inge and a cousin heidi
my opa is gunther
hahah, soooo german! lol!

m