Thursday, May 10, 2007

Holy Makeup, Batman!

In a “sad” turn of events, Tammy Faye Messner has announced that she has inoperable cancer and is down to a puny 65 pounds. In case the name doesn’t sound familiar, she used to be known as Tammy Faye Bakker, part of the “diabolically” religious show, the PTL club. And though I never wish anything like this on anybody (except for Barry Bonds), I have a hard time feeling sorry for her … before you throw something at me, let me explain.

I remember when I was just a young Los, going through the channels and trying to find something on television in the mornings … this was before we had cable TV … even before we had a television with a remote control (seriously). I inevitably would pass by the PTL club, and had to sit back and watch a few minutes of this circus. Every time, it would be the same thing – Jim, the host, would be doing some sort of heavy praying … almost being brought to tears … concentrating so hard that I thought he was going to take a growler in his pants.

And, right on cue, the camera would pan over to Tammy, who looked like she was skull-f*cked by a gang of angry clowns. The tears were rolling off of her face, taking some of the astronomical amounts of makeup with them and leaving hideous blackish trails all over her face.

I was amazed that anybody in their right mind would call in to give money to this show, but apparently there were a few suck… er, Christians who were hypnotized enough by this car-wreck of a show that would actually call in and give large sums of money. Of course, after a few years, some Clouseau exposed a major scandal, and the PTL ended. Jim Bakker probably had that constipated look on his face, because he was hiding the big wads of cash where the sun don’t shine.

As luck would have it, Tammy wasn’t finished. She resurfaced most recently on the Surreal Life tv show, and befriended porn star Ron Jeremy, which makes about as much sense Superman befriending Lex Luther … or something like that.

As an aside, somebody told me that Tammy actually stopped using makeup, and had the “make-up” look tattooed onto her face permanently. As ludicrous as this sounds, I’m guessing this probably saved her a boat-load of money in the long run. I’m pretty sure Revlon, or whatever company she bought from, took a major financial hit when she did this. But I digress …

Anyway, I guess I should end this by saying something nice … but I’m drawing a blank. I just hope that the media do not give her the “Anna Nicole” treatment after she passes … or maybe I should hope that they do, because I’m sure there’ll be a lot of high comedy to come out of it.

12 comments:

Fairmaiden327 said...

Oh LOS, I love love love Tammy Faye. Life is so strange. She had recently overcome all of that bad luck.

Jeff said...

I can muster up sympathy. She didn't bring this upon herself, unlike Anna Nicole Smith's problems with drugs and alcohol.

As ridiculous as she was, so what? I have limited scorn for the dying, so I'll spend it on murderous thugs like Castro.

mollymcmo said...

awww. i agree with jeff in that she didn't bring something like this on with drinking/alcohol.
i never did see her on the surreal show.

m

snowelf said...

I know this is insensitive, but the Superman befriending Lex analogy cracked me up!!

--snow

Steph said...

You know they even showed that shite down here!
I always figured she was Krusty The Clown's nanna or somethin.

Ink and Stone said...

"skull-f*cked by a gang of angry clowns"

Best.
Line.
Ever.

I'm not sure she could tattoo her eyelids to look like makeup... wouldn't the needle go through the eyelid??

I feel a little sympathy for her, cancer sucks. But she profitted off of that PTL crap as much as her ex-husband did.

Evangelists tend to use and abuse people's faith for their own betterment. All evengelists should burn at the stake.

Reverse said...

I always found Tammy Faye Messner sexy with all of that makeup ... NOT!

El Padrino said...

listen los, old people die

that's what they do

minijonb said...

65 pounds? i hope that's an exageration...

the Bakers were always low on my list of people i want to party with.

Superstar said...

65 pounds???? *GULP*
Talk about your Kharma...

~grabs xantini~

OK GAWD forgive me....BUT.....Where do I sent the check????

The Rev said...

You just used a growler in the pants and skull-f*cking in the same post.

Nice!

Mama en Fuego said...

I hate clowns, they're creepy