Tuesday, August 05, 2008

My First Crush ...

After getting back from the Outer Banks, I got talkin' to my friend Slant about relationships with girls. It got me to thinking – I’ve had some really “interesting” girlfriends … and even girls I had crushes on. Like for instance, I remember very well the first crush I had. I was in 6th grade, and had just freshly retired my Super Friends lunch box in favor of the more socially accepted brown bag. That’s right, I was starting to become an adult, and quite naturally, Cupid would eventually point his love arrow my way (wait, that didn’t sound very good).

The girl’s name was Kathy, and she had recently moved back to my school district – she was in my Kindergarten class all those years ago (about 6 years ago, actually). I immediately felt a tingling in my heart … all of the sudden, girls no longer had cuties. In looking back, Kathy really wasn’t a knockout … she had dirty blonde hair … so dirty in fact, that she was kept home from school because of a case of head lice … no matter – I still had tingles for her.

Unfortunately, my mom was right in the middle of a run of bad clothing purchases for me – clothes like Uncle Charlie’s and Smacks pants, the fire-engine red Copa 83 and brown Nado Super Primo sneakers – I didn’t stand a chance with Kathy. Somehow, it got leaked to her that I liked her … she never gave me a second look. I was crushed … and I soon realized why they called them crushes.

I remember looking at our 5th grade yearbook longingly at the picture of Kathy. I had the full-blown crush … loss of appetite, even with my mom’s patented peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Herr’s potato chips, Kit Kat bar, and Capri Sun drink. I couldn’t think straight in class, and felt dizzy anytime that I saw her in the hallway. One time, she was walking down the hallway in one direction … alone … and I was walking in the other direction … alone … I thought I was going to pass out … and I probably would have if she made eye contact with me … which she sadly didn’t.

I’m not really sure what I would’ve done if she had agreed to go out with me. Maybe I would’ve met her at the mall and bought her a soft pretzel and possibly an Icee … if I had enough money in my brown soccer wallet. Maybe we would’ve danced real slow together at the middle-school dances that were held 3 times a year. Or maybe we could play kick the can or freeze tag with my neighborhood buddies.

As it turned out, it was probably for the best – Kathy began smoking and drinking in the 7th grade. The closest I ever came to drinking at that point was when my parents allowed me to have a splash of wine with my ginger ale at the dinner table … there was no way I could or even wanted to compete with that.

12 comments:

jnkiii said...

Forgot to mention that she finished dead last in the 7th grade hot chicks poll.

Bob Kaelin said...

This was around the time Johnnay was in love with a girl named Snook.

Jeff said...

I've heard of "Go ugly early and beat the 2 o'clock rush," but even R Kelly thinks 5th grade is early.

Christina_the_wench said...

I started drinking and smoking in 6th grade and look how I turned out?

*ahem* Nevermind. Good call.

Stolen Colon said...

Kathy, Kathy, Kathy !! LOL and her best friend at the time S.B. !!

By the way you make it sound like drinking and smoking was bad in 7th grade... I started with drinking, I never smoked cigs. the summer going into Mr. Duffy's class...Fortunately or unfortuntaely I was always with the older Caldwells and they got me started early..

Having my parents make me walk the cable wire to see if I ws drunk was always fun...

schue said...

Honey, I don't it was the tingles she gave you, it was probably the lice.
Smokin and drinkin in the 7th grade - she was probably interested in the 10th graders with moustaches.

Alaina said...

Yeah, I'm with scheu... I think the tingles were something else.

Or perhaps they were from Cupid's arrow... you never said where it went... I don't trust guys that wear diapers and bows.

The Rev said...

I don't rememebr who my first crush was. I probably would have gone out with any one of 10 girls at that age, if I had the guts to ask which I didn't.

But my first slow dance was with Michelle in the 6th grade. If I remember correctly, I think I was like the 6th guy she danced with out of 10 that night. But she asked and I accepted. And then she took the next guy in line.

And the song was Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply. I don't know why I remember that.

Superstar said...

OMG
You have just described every teeny-whore I teach all day!!!

What is it about 6th grade, that girls are all of the sudden "all that and a bag of chips" for the boys?? LOL

too funny!!!

Lisa said...

Did she have an opera-length prom dress? You know, it's fashion's version of the mullet. ... babspeapod

Los said...

JNK - I didn't say I had good taste ...

Bob - Unfortunately, he could never "snooker" her ... ba-da-bing!

Jeff - It was a tad early ... I didn't see I wanted to give her any Jesus Juice, though ...

Christina - Huzzah!

Mr. Colon - I wasn't cool enough to start drinking that early ... at least not with anybody besides my parents ...


Schue - Boing!

Alaina - Not sure ... I knew I didn't want to play football with her, though.

Rev - Ah, Michelle ... If only she had any athletic talent, she could've made some money being a basketball or volleyball player.

Superstar - Not sure why I fell for Kathy at that point. I look back on those days in shame.

Babs - For some reason, we didn't have a 6th grade prom ...

-B- said...

I remember at a 6th grade dance I walked up to my crush, Analisa - a nice Philipino girl, and actually said, "I'm f*cking bored. Wanna dance?" Oh my God - what was I thinking??!! To my surprise she did get up and dance with me and after that night we talked a lot at school and on the phone. What an idiot, but somehow it worked!