Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Stoppage Time

Yup – I Did It Again

Every six months or so, I do it. I’m about as regular as a T.O. outburst at this point. What am I talkin’ about? Glad ya asked. While preparing dinner the other night, I accidentally cut two of my fingers. The one finger cut was more like a paper cut – hurt like hell, bled quite a bit, but not too serious. However, I cut a decent sliver off of my other finger, and that sucker bled for a few hours – probably should’ve gone to the hospital, but that’s not my style (mainly, because I’m scared shitless of hospitals). So, now I find it difficult to type, and can’t play my guitar for at least a little while. This is a vicious cycle for me – I cut my finger, then I become very careful in the kitchen for a little while, and then I end up becoming careless again … so in about June, I should be ready for another finger-cutting.

Yup – He Did It Again

Just like me, Ric Flair seems to be regular. However, he doesn’t cut his fingers while preparing dinner … or at least he doesn’t talk about doing this. Nope – he’s regular in that he gets married, and then ends up getting divorced shortly after. I think the number for him now is 5 ex-wives. This got me to thinking – shouldn’t there be a three-strike rule with regards to marriages? After your third divorce, shouldn’t your right to marry be revoked, just for the sake of saving you the time and trouble from being moronic more times?

Yup – She Did It Again

I’m not really that concerned about celebrity gossip, but I had to chuckle when I heard that Nicole Ritchie was arrested for driving the wrong way on a highway (in the car-pool lane, no less). I think she should probably be put down at this point, for the good of … well, everybody. Apparently, when she was pulled over …. AT 4:50 AM … she confessed to have taken Vicodin AND smoking weed. She weighed in at a “svelte” 85 pounds at the time, by the way. Lionel must be thrilled with the publicity that his retarded daughter is getting. The good news is that if she dies, they can probably bury her in a shoebox (of course, I don’t wish that on anybody … except Barry Bonds).

12 comments:

Kristin said...

Perhaps, for Christmas, you should ask for a personal chef... or, at least a stock of liquid band-aid...

Kristin said...

This is Kristin from Eva Las Vegas btw... having some Beta/Google issues...

Eric said...

Nicole Ritchie really is a role model for little girls everywhere isn't she.

Maria said...
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Maria said...
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Maria said...

Need a magnifying glass to read this, wtf. Send me a note, miss you.

Mist said...

Nicole Ritchie wanted me to give you this message:

Blurrrrggh fwwwpth swwannnpt.

That should clear up any rumors about her arrest.

Dirty Birdie said...

I'm sure Lionel Ritchie is wishing he could send her back and get a refund. What a frickin' waste of humanity.

Jeff said...

Stick to finger pulling.

I can't believe you know how many times a rassler has been married.

Seems Nicole Ritchie didn't share a common brain with Paris Hilton -- she actually shared Paris Hilton's brain. Poor Lionel must be a wreck. So let's pile on:

Hello, You Are -- Dancing on the Ceiling, Ballerina Girl, Running With the Night, Penny Lover -- All Night Long (All Night). Truly.

Superstar said...

Liquid band-aid...sounds like a choice investment for your kitchen...LOL ;o)

Nichole Ritchie...Did you hear about the hellabalou that Rosie went into on the View about this??? It is the stuff of comedians... Truely funny stuff! She was going on and on about how her 85 pounds...and it would only need to be a thimble of booze let alone the vicoden and pot...LOL ;o)

Los said...

Kristin - Liquid band-aids will be a part of my "medical attention" in the future.

Eric - Nicole Ritchie gives drug abusers a bad name.
FM -Not sure what's goin' on with Blogger. I'll write ya soon - I swear.

Mist - Nice one!!!!

DB - If anything, this may give Lionel inspiration to write some darker songs.

Jeff - You know WAY too many Lionel Ritchie songs.

Superstar - I usually don't find Rosie that funny, but I'll check You-tube to see if I can find this.

Jeff said...

No, just harvesting Al Gore's creation.