Thursday, September 15, 2005

Fast Food Filth

There are people that are self-proclaimed connoisseurs of music, art, wine, beer, and even gourmet foods. Me, I’m a connoisseur of fast food. Now, I don’t overdo it with fast food – if I go to a fast-food restaurant more than once a week, it is a lot, BUT when I see commercials for new fast-food gimmicks, I get that crazy “Ralph Macchio whooping crane” look in my eyes. I like “testing” all of these “limited time only” specials, and many of my friends will call me to get my “reviews” on any new fast-food items on the market. For instance, the Burger King Chicken Fries release seemed really awesome. I thought to myself, “how cool would it be to get a whopper with chicken fries…” But, alas, it is an entre, and you can get regular fries with the chicken fries – which seems kind of odd – too many fries in my book.

Anyway, I thought I’d bring up a few of the “failed” fast food gimmicks, at least in my book. For instance, one of the worst items I’ve ever ordered was tacos off of a Burger King 99-cent menu. Obviously, I should’ve known – why order Mexican food from a burger joint? I had to give it a try, and to say that I was disappointed would’ve been comparable to saying I was slightly unhappy when the Eagles lost the Super Bowl last season. If even part of this taco was cooked, it would’ve been nice. And the worst news is that they gave you TWO tacos for 99-cents. I guess the second one you could save for later in case you weren’t sure just how bad the tacos were the first time.

Another flop for me was the McDonalds cheese-steak. I know, I know – I live in Philly, I should know better. The best places to get cheese-steaks are the mom-and-pop joints (second time I used that word) in the area, not from a place with a clown as its mascot. However, because McDonalds makes irresistibly yummy foods, I thought I’d throw caution to the wind, and give this bad-boy a shot. The only redeeming quality of this cheese-steak was that it came with the orgasmic McDonalds French fries. Besides that, it was greasier than a John Travolta character, ridiculously small, and the “roll” wasn’t even authentic. Plus, the price was much more than the price of a regular cheese-steak at local Philly places.
There are a bunch more, but I wanted to see if you could share your experiences (plus I didn’t want to bore you to death).


Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I remember the Burger King Tacos... yeesh! They were frightening.

I wasn't too excited with the Burger King chicken fries. But I go nuts over their regular chicken sandwiches. And now they have a triple whopper along with their enormous omelet sandwich... oh my sweet lord! Burger King wants to kill us all!

McDonalds has a way with putting regional foods in certain areas, like the cheesesteak in Philly. In Boston, they actually put out lobster roll sandwiches in the summer. They weren't bad, but I had much better up there. And on occasion, McDonalds has tried pizza. You see how that has worked.

In the early 90's, McD's did a burger in Boston called the "Big 33" in honor of Larry Bird, which was a basic quarter pounder with a few extra fixings that Larry liked. That was a good burger.

Don't forget one of the worst failed gimmicks of all time... the McDonald's Arch Deluxe, which actually wasn't too bad of a burger, but the heavy marketing push failed. Nice try alienating kids, which is your biggest target audience.

Wendy's has had so many gimmicks with their chicken sandwiches, and all of them seemed to work. It's like they rotated them in. The one gimmick I remember that didn't have staying power was their "Superbar", which was an extended salad bar. I liked it, but you don't see those around anymore. Probably a cost issue.

Here's a few more gimmicks I remember that aren't around.

- KFC no skin chicken... Magic Johnson did the commercials. Maybe that's why you don't see it as part of their menu anymore.

- McRib sandwich... now that was a tasty sandwich. It actually makes a rare appearance every now and then.

- McDLT... keeps the hot side hot and the cool side cool... and no one gave a shit.

Ink and Stone said...

McD's does not make "irresistibly yummy" foods, McD's make wretchingly crappy foods.

I think the worst weird product I've had fast food wise, is the McRib. Chomp! I know they weren't real ribs.... Hell, I don't think they were real meat.

Best weird product?
The Shamrock Shake!
Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh!

Jeff said...

Fast food gimmicks? No thanks. The result, shall we say, runs in the family.