Newspaper-Crapper, Gas, and Maddonna-Star Wars

1. I know this is a controversial subject, and I respect both sides of this issue – newspapers or magazines left in a stall at the office. For the record, I actually enjoy this, because it gives me something to do while dropping a deuce instead of just smelling my excrement. The funny thing is that when I see newspapers in a stall, even when I don’t have to “take the Browns to the Super Bowl,” I sometimes wish that I had to go, so that I could read what was left behind.
I know the counterargument – the one that you are basically touching a newspaper that was in the hands of somebody else who was previously “ripping off some tree bark,” so there is a chance that you may be touching this other person’s turds indirectly. I think these people are germophobes, and probably get sick more than people who aren’t, because they don’t allow their body’s immune system to fully flourish (they keep ingesting antihistamines and antibiotics so frequently, that the immune system basically stops functioning properly). So, quit worrying about crap on the newspaper, and just read the crap that is written in it (geez!).

2. I just heard that it is predicted that gas prices are supposed to hit $3.00 a gallon by this summer again, and boy am I excited. I haven’t been this excited since I had my wisdom teeth pulled (actually, I was hopped up on some sort of pain-preventing drug, so the actual moment of wisdom-teeth eviction was quite enjoyable. But the days immediately following – when I was forced to eat nothing but Jello pudding – were tremendously unenjoyable … like watching Live 8 on MTV.). There has to be some sort of solution for the entire country at this point, or at least a major initiative to solve the problem (either by finding ways to lower the prices, or just plain increasing the speed at which we as a country are weaned off of gasoline). Of course, this could increase the likelihood that my company will allow me to work at home, at least a few days a week … probably not.

3. A coworker of mine passed along a story that apparently George Lucas has asked Madonna to appear in a Star Wars TV show that he is in the process of producing. My biggest question is which Madonna will we see in the show – the trampy Lucky Star Madonna, the whorish Erotica Madonna, the motherly Madonna, or a new creation? Will she be a Jedi or part of an evil empire who’s goal is to wipe out the good Jedi’s (I imagine she has plenty experience wielding a “light saber”). But an overriding question is what does George Lucas see in Madonna that makes him think that she is a perfect fit for Star Wars? Obviously, the Star Wars nerds would probably be able to fill up an Olympic sized swimming pool in a matter of minutes with all of the gunk that they’ll be ejaculating after this news becomes official. But, will the Madonna fans be able to stomach something that doesn’t involve synchronized sex and dancing (or maybe Lucas envisions this in the new Star Wars – sheesh!). Plus, will casual Star Wars fans be sold on this? I mean, it didn’t work when Star Trek tried it with Whoopi Goldberg (I’m not saying that this is the same thing – Whoopi Goldberg has the power to kill shows and movies on the same level asTed McGinley). But this is intriguing. Hopefully her agent was smart enough not to allow her to take the part of Jar Jar Binks.