Nightmares of a Geisha

I may have mentioned earlier that my wife’s birthday was on Monday, and we celebrated by going to Atlantic City to hang out with the nearly dead. What I didn’t tell you was that for her birthday, I did something very un-manly – I agreed to watch Memoirs of a Geisha with her.

To give you an idea of how much I dislike artsy movies, I consider them like watching an opera, and I consider watching an opera like getting punched repeatedly in the testicles. I can get by watching an artsy movie if (a) it is dealing with something that interests me (sex, rock music, or nudity), or (b) if a lot of gratuitous female nudity is shown in the movie. If none of these are on the docket, I will have a difficult time staying awake through the entire movie.

“Thankfully,” Memoirs of a Geisha had none of my prerequisites in it, but I agreed to watch it because I love my wife and sometimes guys (at least the good ones) have to bite the bullet and watch some of the filth that women watch. Mind you, I refuse to watch American Idol because (A) I think the show absolutely sucks worse than Paris Hilton does, and (B) I think it does a disservice to the music industry (in other words, these people with great voices are, in my opinion, better suited for karaoke bars and as wedding singers).

But, I agreed to watch Memoirs of a Geisha with my wife. Little did I know how long this movie was. This movie made King Kong feel like a 20-minute feature. But, that being said, I can understand why this movie was so critically acclaimed. First, and foremost (at least for my interests), the women were absolutely beautiful. Second, it was really interesting to learn about the Geisha culture (of course, I find a better outlet for this to be documentaries and shows on history channels). Thirdly, the back-drops, stages, and props used were well crafted (hey, I know I’m reaching).

The movie was close to 3 hours long, and it felt every bit that long. But, you have to understand, movies I consider classics, such as Weird Science, Airplane, and Dumb and Dumber, may not be everyone else’s cup-of-tea (which, of course, I’ll never understand).