Sunday, July 23, 2006

Rationality Did Finally Prevail!

As you may know, I attended a bachelor party this weekend – one that was sort-of on the disorganized side. That is not a bad thing, because if people aren’t having fun, we can always change the plan (what plan?).

I got over to my brother’s house around 11:30 a.m., and immediately had a beer in my hand – oh this was going to be a long day. We started off by throwing some darts and playing some drinking games – nothing too crazy yet. At about 2:30 p.m., three hours into the drinking, we pack up the cooler and head onto the van (don’t worry, we had a designated driver).

Our first stop was the Phillies game – that’s right, the lowly Phillies. God must’ve been on our side, because the Phillies did NOT lose the game yesterday … however, they did not win the game either. As luck would have it, we god smashed with a massive rain storm. We actually never did make it inside the stadium, we kind of walked up to it, felt the raindrops start coming down, hustled back to the van, and hung out inside there. We were hoping it would stop raining, but when one of the radio announcers said that the Phillies’ batting circle was floating down the third base line, we knew that it was hopeless. Oh, as an aside, I need to know how often the Phillies have their porta-potties cleaned, because the one we were next to smelled like it hadn’t been cleaned … ever. The urine and fecal concoction was just about all the way to the top of the lid, and the smell would probably make dead people wince.

We decided that since we are in the city, we should go to Dave and Buster’s. Man, I’m old. I was looking for the pinball machines, which are no longer there, and I ended up settling in for a couple of games of Donkey Kong (ugh). Finally, I made my way to the bar, had a few Coronas, and played Megatouch.

After Dave and Buster’s we went to Nick’s Roast Beef in Springfield and hung out there for a few hours, before somebody suggested going to Lou Turks. Suddenly, I realized that maybe this could still be a salvageable bachelor party. Lou Turks may not be a very classy place, but thankfully it is a strip joint. Amazingly enough, everybody agreed, and off we went. I’m not saying Lou Turks has many “on-nights,” because if you are a half-decent looking stripper, Lou Turks is not the place for you. However, Saturday night may have been the worst I’ve ever seen at Turks. The ladies looked like they were in their fifties (not a bad thing if you are Cheryl Tiegs), and I swore that one had an Adam’s Apple.

Not satisfied with the “mature” ladies at Turks, we decided to go to another strip joint! Again, I was floored – I expected zero strip joints, and we got two! It was like Christmas in July! We went to a place called the Purple Orchid in a not-so-great part of Philadelphia. I’ve never been to this place, but I’ve heard some stories. Surprisingly enough, the strippers were much younger. Some, however probably could’ve used some time on the treadmill, but hey, who am I to complain about girls stripping in front of me. One of the strippers actually came up to me and thanked me for looking at her, and showing interest in her stripping routine. I told her it’s the least I could do, as I slid a dollar into her cleavage. The groom-to-be was a little uptight at this place, as he basically sunk into the couch during both of his lap dances. One of the strippers said that he was “well behaved.” I’m guessing this is more of an insult than anything else.

We ended the night by going to a couple of local bars. All in all, a fun night.

12 comments:

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

OK, I have to ask.

Which lame idiot made the strip club choices? You couldn't have picked two worse ones. All the better choices in Philadelphia, and those are the ones picked? I'm flabbergasted.

Even John Kaelin picked a better one for his brother's bachelor party.

Los said...

It was a last-second decision, Smokin'. You also have to understand, we had been drinking since 11:30 a.m.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

If I were piss drunk, I would still know which strip club to go to. It has been ingrained in my brain.

I should have been there.

Steph said...

UM ARRR! Did the groom get in trouble for going to the stip clubs? Or didn't you tell Bridezilla?

Christina_the_wench said...

Awww,you got to see strange cleavage. Good for you. Weekend goal completed.

Los said...

Funny story, actually, Steph. The bride-to-be was already pissed off at hime prior. We were supposed to go to the Phillies game, and we had extra tickets. We gave one to her father, and he was supposed to meet us there. However, it rained for like 2 hours, and we left, never meeting up with him.

El Padrino said...

BOOBIES!!

Jeff said...

I think I'd rather buy a lap dance from Charlie Manuel or Andy Reid than go to either of those bars.

At Lou Turk's, was there a full set of teeth between the staff and other customers?

Dirty Birdie said...

LOL - Christina...so so so true. Nothing like a 50 yr old stripper with an adams apple and saggy boobs.

Los said...

Not to mention a "coin purse," Dirty Birdie!

Dirty Birdie said...

LOL - that's the kind of stripper you order for someone you hate.

mollymcmommy said...

LOL the purple orchid?!!! sounds like a porn video title, not that i would know or anything...

m