Friday, July 21, 2006

Stoppage Time

1.I’m going to a bachelor party this weekend, and there is a good chance that I won’t see any fun-bags. No, I’m not blind, silly! But, the bride-to-be apparently is forcing the groom-to-be’s hand (and the best man’s hand, for that matter)! The groom-to-be will probably say something to the effect of “I really didn’t want to go to a strip joint anyway, because I love my fiancé too much.” To that, I say (a) Bulls**t, and (b) can you please ask for your balls back, just for the night? I will still have fun hanging out with the guys, but can one consider it a bachelor party if no dirty pillows are present? To me, that’s just a night hangin’ out with the fellas. Again, I’ll have a good time, but I’m just sayin’ (I’ll still have a good time, even though we are starting out by going to the Phillies game).

2. Because I had lost power for 20+ hours a few days ago, I had to throw out the milk and OJ (no, not the wife-murder). I’ve been eating pop tarts for breakfast the past two days, and I came to a realization – the best Pop Tarts are the ones with the frosting. The ones without frosting are like a date with Janine Garofalo (sp), sure she’ll make you laugh, but you really aren’t that excited about sleeping with her.

3. I just got a new cell phone the other day, and it is absolutely awesome – it has a camera a video camera, and all other kinds of cool gadgets. The only problem is that with my previous cell phone, I accumulated a bunch of cool ring-tones and games, and now I have to start from scratch with the new phone. I am convinced that the “free” tones they give you on the cell phone encourage you to immediately download cooler tones. My phone has tones that make the Paris Hilton song almost enjoyable. Yeah, I need to get some new ring tones.

4. To prove once again that some of my co-workers have entirely too much time on their hands, I want to show you another “creation” from an office-mate (boy, that sounds gay). This is from Ink-And-Stone, and it almost caused me to spit coffee onto my monitor (however, it is posted on Reverse's site) - click here


Rev. Smokin Steve said...

It's not like he's having sex with a bunch of strippers. Going out to see some fun bags should be allowed on the bachelor party. He's obviously marrying a woman who is taking control over him early, and that should be a red flag.

Brown sugar and cinnamon Pop Tarts with frosting... the best ever!

My next phone at the end of the month will be a Razr.

That creation by Ryk needs to be hanging in your basement.

Christina_the_wench said...

I had two strippers at my bachelorette party. What does that make me? Yeah, maybe we shouldn't answer that.

As long as there's no penetration of any body orifices, I say no harm, no foul. ~shrugs~

Los said...

Smokin - Smartest thing you said in months about the bachelor party (and about Ryk's creation).

Christina - No problem regarding the strippers - it's a time to have fun (but not too much fun). People need to relax. If you trust your fiance, then you shouldn't worry about stuff like that.

Jeff said...

1. I strongly recommend the Bachelor-Optional Bachelor Party.

1a. You're so busy at work, you don't even have time to go blind.

2. I would be far more excited to drink the rancid, fetid milk and OJ you just threw out, than to sleep with Janeane Garofalo.

3. Phone mfgs need to realize that many people can't take camera phones to work.

3a. My nephew's ring tone is AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds."

4. It really should have one hand at crotch-level. Otherwise, brilliant!

El Padrino said...

otherwise it's not a bachelor party

that's like a life rule, it's like ordering a blt with no bacon.
it's insane. stop it. just do what any other normal man would do and get the strippers but dont tell the woman

that's what i did....

Los said...

Jeff - I ALWAYS have time for that!

El-Padrino - could not agree with you more!

Steph said...

What a rip. You may as well be sitting at home playing snap!
How insecure is his wife to be!

Los said...

I'll find out more about the insecurities of his wife-to-be ... and I'm sure after a few beers I'll rip into him.