Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I've Still Got It!!!

Much like Ralph Malph on Happy Days, I still got it! That’s right ladies and gentlemen – I was able to make a lady cry on Saturday (no, I didn’t drop my pants, you jerks). This happened at the Toll House Tavern – the night in which this legendary neighborhood bar was supposed to close (the sale fell through, and the bartender is thinking of buying the place – keep your fingers crossed!).

One of the drunk female patrons informed me that she was the biggest Rolling Stones fans in the world … if you know anything about me, you know not to challenge me on something like this. I know I’m not the biggest Stones fan, but I know that I’m definitely one of the biggest. I give props to the peeps who prove to me that they are bigger fans than me (and not by weight).

This lady’s basic reasoning was that since she went to the 1972 Stones concert, that she had to be the biggest fan. I notified her that this was a rather foolish reason for somebody to give for being the biggest Stones fan. This comment made her rather angry towards me, so I gave her a chance to redeem herself, but asking rather simple questions (at least I thought they were simple) – for instance, I asked her to name a song (any song) off of the Goat’s Head Soup album (this is rather simple, if you are even a moderate Stones fan). She mumbled something about a song called “History.” To my knowledge, the Stones never recorded a song called “History,” and if they did, it certainly wasn’t on that album. I proceeded to (a) inform her of her error), and (b) list ALL of the songs IN ORDER off of that album. This made her mention that she saw the Stones in concert in 1972 again … AND that she had kissed Mick Jagger. Of course I believed this about as much as Michael Jackson believes he’s not addicted to children.

Later on in the evening, she stumbled to our section of the bar, and asked me which album that Sympathy for the Devil is on – of course, I knew the answer – Beggar’s Banquet (simple). She slurred that it was on Hot Rocks … which is a greatest hits album (I told her that this was cheating). She got pissed and stumbled out of the bar – her friend called me an a$$hole … to which I responded, “My God, you are the first person in the entire world to ever call me an a$$hole!” Good times all around! I heard that the one lady was crying in the parking lot … I feel bad about this, but I really wasn’t rude to her, I think she was upset that I was right.

On a side note – a relative of mine wanted me to promote this site (it’s about poop) – you can submit a question (keep it relatively clean): http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/special_packages/inquirer_qa/qa_forum.htm

9 comments:

Lionitt said...

Yeah, but what album is Brown Sugar on..lol.

Nice job Capt'n Kranky. So, trying to find the scoop on poop was much like trying to find a needle in a haystack but I succeeded.

El Padrino said...

forty licks!!!
yeahh!!!

Dirty Birdie said...

Not a huge Stones fan myself, I like their music but I wouldn't claim to be a "fan". And licking the album cover doesn't constitute actually kissing Mick Jagger. Hell if that were the case I had freaky porn sex with James Hetfield, on more than one occassion.

Los said...

Lionitt - Brown Sugar was of course on Sticky Fingers.

El Padrino - Nice compilation album, good one for starters ... however, there are many, many more stones albums out there...

DB - I could get you to become a Stones fan, I know it.

Superstar said...

getting to kiss ~spit yuck wipes mouth~ Mick Jagger is certainly no "freebie" to a "greatest fan" right of passage. Jesh he's kissed and such more people...too many...SO GOOD that she went off in a huff....PAAAAlesase!

If you claim that a band is a fav you should at least be able to name songs and albums....

Sorry your fav haunt is gone. ~gazes off into distance of fond memories of D's Sports bar and grill~

Kristin said...

ugh.

As a woman with ex-boyfriend who is quite good friends with Ronny Wood AND an avid text-messenger of antics, I say -

Rock On.

Steph said...

You're a cruel and unusual man. I like you.

Jeff said...

Perhaps where she "kissed" Mick Jagger makes her a bigger Stones fan.

The Rev said...

Do not feel bad.

The woman was a slob. She was taking up valuable air.

My aunt went to the 1972 Stones concert. But she didn't kiss anybody.