Sunday, March 09, 2008

Growing up Way Too Fast!

My wife and I were enjoying a glass of wine with dinner the other night, and it reminded me of a time when I was just a youngster. My parents would also enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, and for some reason they allowed me to have just a splash of wine with my ginger ale. This made me feel like a grown-up, as I was eating my chicken nuggets. “Mom, this is really good wine,” was a common response that came from me, as I sipped my Canada Dry and Carlo Rossi concoction. Truthfully, as a child, I really enjoyed the taste of the ginger ale better by itself, but wanted to be more like a grown up.

My parents allowed me to do other grown up things whilst I was a youth. For instance, my parents never thought twice of allowing me to have a cup of coffee for breakfast … folks, I was a hyper 5-year old as it was – the coffee probably didn’t help. Sure, it was probably more like half a cup of milk, half coffee, and about 5 teaspoons of sugar, but still.

My obsession with growing up was insatiable. I remember being at a picnic over my neighbor’s house. The neighbor, who was kind of like the funny guy of the neighborhood, and I got to talking. I was probably around 3 or 4 at the time. I admired his beard, and expressed how I would very much like to grow one myself. The neighbor, without skipping a beat, gave me the “secret” of growing a beard. He said that I needed to rub beer on my face, and this would help stimulate the growth of hair on my face. Heck, the guy could’ve told me to rub dog sh*t on my face, and I probably would’ve believed him. The neighbor, drinking a can of Budweiser, proceeded to pour some of it on my hands, so that I could saturate my cheeks and chin with the cold gold. I never grew the beard, but I’m sure my parents enjoyed the fact that I smelled like the guy at end of any bar.

Do any of you remember stories like this?


The Rev said...

I don't have any of these stories.

Mainly because I never really grew up.

Jeff said...

Nowadays beer tends to make us much less grown up.

The Stevo in H-Town said...

I remember tellin' dames that sperm was good for their complexion...they never bought into it tho'...It was shortly after that when I started seein' skanks..The neat thing about that was that THEY would tell ME 'bout that...This truly is one great country..

Lotsa myths out there...

"Smokin' stunts yer growth"

Christina_the_wench said...

Warm Pabst on a hot day when I was 10. Yes, my dad laughed his ass off.

El Padrino said...

Shavin, everytime i saw my dad shave i wanted too

now i cant stand it

-B- said...

I remember one time I wanted to be more grown up - I was at a neighbor's house, saw an open can of been sitting there and decided to take a huge gulp. Well, it was a gulp of beer - and cigarette ashes!! My throat didn't stop burning for an hour. Ugh!

Superstar said...

I used to like coffee with creamer in it. My gradparents would put a splash of coffee and hot water w/ a heapping creamer powder in it. They called it coffee and I felt all grown up.

Of course by 10 I was drinking it black and they kept threating me that it would stunt my growth...hmmm I am 5 how much taller would I be had I not drank all the coffee???
cute story!

Steph said...

When I was five my cousin told me my boobs would grow if I pinched them every day.

I did.

They finally grew when I was TWELVE!

Los said...

Rev - But you did grow out ...

Jeff - Mmmmm .... beer!

Stevo - Yep, that line didn't work for me, either.

Christina - It ain't a good bar unless it has PBR on tap!

Elp - I remember this. My dad would let me shave, but he put the "protective plastic thingy" on the razor.

-B- - Ummm ... barf!

Superstar - I'm about 5'10'' - I could've been a basketball player, if I just laid off the java!

Steph - Ouch!!!!!!!

Lisa said...

I remember tying myself to a rocking chair with my hair riibons when I was 3 or 4. I wanted to know what it was like to be in jail.

I was a weird child. And am still weird. .... Barbra Peapod