Thursday, March 06, 2008

A New Type of "Perk"

Many of you may know my issues with work place restrooms – the main issue being that I just don’t find them “private” enough when I have to “drop some rope.” I get severe stage-fright when somebody else walks in while I’m “hangin’ bananas.” My solutions to this problem would probably be costly – basically making each stall it’s on “room” with walls from the floor to the ceiling. Additionally, I’d like to have some sort of white noise in the background to help drown out the grunts and other sounds. But, that’s not really what I’m blogging about today.

I really wish that my company would find a way to provide reading materials in the stalls – now I’m not asking to have newspapers on top of the tank, but I did see a pretty cool idea in a restaurant restroom a little while ago. Specifically, this establishment puts newspaper pages on a wall behind a plastic cover in front of the urinals, giving us the opportunity to catch up on some world events as opposed to just staring at the urine going down the drain.

Couldn’t this be done in the stalls at work? How difficult would this be to do? I’m not asking for a flatscreen monitor on the door of the stall – all I’m asking for is to put new reading material up once a day, or once a week, or something like that. When I worked at Lockheed, I always enjoyed when somebody left the sports section behind in a stall – this would be kind of like that, but I wouldn’t have to worry about who’s hands were touching the paper previously.

Think about it – we could get creative with this, by having one stall dedicated to the sports section, another stall for entertainment, yet another for world news, and so on. Couldn’t this work? Just have the cleaning person replace the old news with new news when he/she is cleaning the toilets? I don’t think this would cost much more, would it? One of the “lesser publicized” benefits would be that people would no longer have to put a newspaper in their armpits on the way to “drop a deuce.”

On another tangent, maybe we could do something creative with the urinals – like having pee races, kind of like what is done with water guns at carnivals – have a line of cars that race their way to the top of the bathroom, and have this directly related to how much urine is released into the urinal. Tell me this wouldn’t be fun?

12 comments:

snowelf said...

Los.... (shakes head in laugher)
You crack me up!!

--snow

The Rev said...

Wait a minute...

you mean to tell me that was the only time you've ever seen a newspaper on a wall over a urinal?

I've seen that at like 20 different sports bars.

I do enjoy them.

Christina_the_wench said...

You should be a toilet engineer. For real. *giggles*

El Padrino said...

alot of bars have that

Paige Jennifer said...

I remember timing my college bathroom visits according to when the housekeeper cleaned the bathroom - as in after she left. But of course, one day she was late or perhaps I was early. In the middle of #2, she comes in and spends the next thirty minutes cleaning the sinks and wiping the mirrors and talking on her cell phone. Long story short, I hunkered down, stayed very quiet with my panties around my ankles and missed my next class.

Kristin said...

Can you not just take your laptop in with you? ;-)

Jeff said...

Here's a solution for you: wear Depends to work, skip the bathroom altogether, and read at your desk. Also, your co-workers will leave you alone.

The Stevo in H-Town said...

Ya know what pisses me off?...When some cat leaves gravy on da lid after layin' cable..or the a-hole that that don't flush and leaves his damage inda bowl for yer perusal..then there's always the guy right next toya that puts onna concert breakin' wind...Then there's always the guy that leaves 3-4 morsels of corn floatin' around...I could go on and on...

..Crass's vote goes for porn inda stalls

Los said...

Snow - I try to discuss very important things.

Rev - I've seen them in stalls before, but seeing them recently made me think about it again.

Christina - Is there such a thing?

Elp - Why not work places?

Jennifer - I chose a dorm room with its own bathroom when I was looking at colleges ... that's how nutty I was about it.

Kristin - With as clumsy as I am, things wouldn't turn out good.

Jeff - thinking outside the box!

Stev-o - I agree with all of these! We had a guy at Lockheed that had some sort of problem with his bm's, he would often "be late," and end up soiling the entire stall.

-B- said...

Oh yeah, I remember that guy at Lockheed... The Mad Shitter!!

minijonb said...

i get over the stage fright by imagining i'm taking a leak all over the walls of the bathroom. works great and the flow never stops.

Lisa said...

If there's no reading materials, there ought to at least be a sufficient amount of graffiti to keep you occupoo-ed. ... Babs Peapod