Stoppage Time

Is That A Baby In Your Belly, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
O.K., so no stories about getting kicked out of a gay bar this time around … I apologize in advance. However, it was still a VERY fun weekend, nevertheless. First, and foremost, I want to congratulate my cousin Trish and her husband Kurt for giving birth to their first child! Some things to note, though:

1. They decided to name him Troy, which, unfortunately, reminds me of the Dallas Cowboys. Slant and I decided to take a positive spin, as Troy Aikman was probably one of the lesser-hated Cowboys… I mean, they could’ve decided to name the poor kid after Ed “Too Tall” Jones, Tom Landry, or (gasp) Jimmy Johnson.

2. Troy was 8 pound, 13 ounces at birth – this kid has got offensive lineman written all over him … either that, or American Grand Sumo Champion (kidding, Kurt).

3. He seems to be very well-behaved at this early juncture – we were at the hospital for about 1 ½ hours, and we didn’t hear a peep out of him … well, that’s not actually true, he did have some impressive farting episodes … which makes me think that he has a lot of Trish’s genes.

Is It Really the Best?
Whilst watching the Penn State game on Saturday, Slant, Smokin’ and I got into a conversation about beer, specifically the beer we were drinking that afternoon – Milwaukee’s Best. Slant and I drank this beer religiously in college … mainly, because it was the cheapest beer we could find. We have basically made a tradition out of drinking this at important Penn State related moments (like the first game of the season). Smokin’ didn’t really understand the traditional aspects of this. Slant and I tried to convince him that there is a reason that they put the word “Best” on the can, and that “Best” is not an overused term in this country, especially when it comes to describing one’s product. I’m not sure if we got through to him, but hey, we tried.

Funniest Quote of the Weekend
It was one helluva weekend for funny quotes. In fact, I believe we have a three-way tie:
1. “She’s about as feminine as a cock.” Slant said this beauty whilst describing the female announcer, Pam Ward, during the Penn State game. I think some of that Milwaukee’s Best shot through my nose.
2. “Just because he looks like Mrs. Doubtfire, doesn’t mean Smokin’ can clean like her.” I was most impressed with how quickly my friend Ray-Ray came up with that one – how often does one get to use a Mrs. Doubtfire comparison, anyway?
3. “I’d have a better shot of farting myself to the moon.” Sure, I’ve heard this one a few times in the past, but man, this is a classic, and the way my friend Scott delivered it, when asked what chances he had of hooking up with this girl at a bar, it was just golden.