Fantasy football team 0-3. Penn State football not doing so well ... thank goodness for the Phillies!
1. On a sex phone line listed on Chad Ochocinco's cereal:
"Gives a whole new meaning to the 'big O.'"
2. On the death of Tony Curtis.
"As long as Stony Curtis from Bedrock is still alive ..."
3. On Tour de France cycling winner Alberto Contador blaming positive dope test on bad meat:
"That's like Lindsay Lohan blaming the failed drug test on bad sperm."
4. On Fisher-Price recalling millions of toys because they are dangerous:
"Guess I might want to return the 'His First Machine Gun' toy I bought last week ..."
5. On LeBron James' manager saying he believes race played a factor in how the two-time reigning NBA MVP's decision to join the Miami Heat was covered this summer:
"It probably didn't play as large of a role as Lebron's stupidity."