Just wanted to give a quick shout-out to those Chilean miners!
1. On an alcohol-laced energy drink equivalent to at least three beers, a can of Red Bull and a shot of espresso having prompted a New Jersey college
to ban the drink after nearly two dozen students were hospitalized for alcohol intoxication:
"All you need is a the BK Breakfast, and your heart would probably shatter."
2. On a new Halloween treat - Candied bacon:
"Homer Simpson just wet his pants..."
3. On "Spider Goats" grazing on the side of a dam:
"Well, that ain't too 'baaaad.' In fact, it's 'dam' impressive!"
4. On a Shar Pei having a facelift so it could see:
"Cher and Joan Rivers were said to be extremely jealous ..."
5. On a woman who tripled her trouble when she stole a doughnut from someone's truck, peed in a parking lot and offered to perform a sex act on an officer for money:
"Poor Lindsay Lohan .... she hasn't found the bottom yet."