Certain tasks have a way of reminding us just how old we are. I was “lucky enough” to participate in one of these tasks on Saturday. I was invited to play in a two-on-two hockey tournament – played in the driveway of a friend’s house, and, for one reason or another, decided that I was “fit” enough to play (I would find later, that this was a grave mistake).
I should’ve known this may not be an “all-star” like day for me when I realized I forgot my sweatpants, and only had shorts … it was a balmy 26 degrees with a steady 20-mph wind, making it feel like Antarctica. Walking outside in those shorts immediately made me an “innie” if you know what I mean.
The first 10 minutes or so weren’t too bad – in fact, I felt that the 20-minutes a day that I had been doing on the elliptical trainer were actually paying off. BUT, the eleventh minute and onward quickly made me realize that my “training” was woefully inadequate.
Thanks to the cold weather, my lungs felt like Keith Richards’ lungs, and I couldn’t quite describe how my legs felt because they had lost feeling rather quickly. I did manage to score some goals, but instead of cheer, I knelt over and tried gasping for precious oxygen.
I even goal-tended for a little while, and this was actually a well-needed “rest” for me – the goalie equipment actually blocked out some of the cold. However, the “rest” that I thought I’d get, never really happened, as they peppered me with more shots than a Schwarzenegger movie. Also, the goalie equipment felt heavier than the lead singer of Heart.
The good news is that my “luck” followed me out to Montgomery County. Even though I was the goalie, I was able to block a shot with my waffle pad, and perfectly deflect it upwards and to an angle that eventually met with a second-story window, shattering it.
The real pain didn’t hit until after I got home from the tournament. I moved slower than the Israeli-Palestinian peace process. The aches and pains left me a useless man on Sunday … but thankfully, I’m a useless man every Sunday.
R.I.P. Dallas Green
1 day ago