Thursday, February 23, 2006

Problem Solved

I know this has been documented before, but I’m tellin’ ya, this epidemic is increasing. What am I talking about? Ice that fast food restaurants put in the cups of soda we order. The scoopers are bigger than dump trucks, and they ram every last bit of ice that they can in these cups – sometimes I’m amazed that the cups don’t break from all of that weight and pressure.

I hear that we are annually losing much of our ice on this planet, and I think I can point out the culprits. The two biggest “ice-pushers” in my humble opinion are Wendy’s and Chick Fil-A. I don’t think it’s possible that they can produce that much ice on their own. They must be going to the north and south poles and “stealing” ice by the ton. Things have gotten so bad, that I think I found a penguin in my soda the other day.

As one might be able to deduce from a quick glance at my frame, I like to frequent fast food restaurants from time to time, so I feel like my opinion is more or less expert opinion. Do I really need this much ice? Are you really that hard up to save money by reducing my soda intake? I feel guilty telling the fast-food employee to take it easy on the ice, and maybe use a smaller scooper – like maybe I could be the reason this person gets fired.

I don’t want to have that on my conscience. So I allow them to rape me with a big ol’ ice dildo. I know they prey on this, and I’m the perfect customer for them. But, one of these days, I’m gonna really screw with them and ask for a cup of soda WITH NO ICE (of course, they’ll probably charge me extra for this).

2 comments:

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Raped with an ice dildo... nice vision there!

That is why I tend to frequent the fast food restaurants that let you do the ice thing yourself, such as McDonalds and KFC. I like having control.

I do agree with the Chick Fil-A assessment. It is like they are breeding polar bears back there.

Jeff said...

"But, one of these days, I’m gonna really screw with them and ask for a cup of soda WITH NO ICE."

** You are SUCH a rebel. When you demand no ice, do your best Ned Flanders impersonation. Really put the fear of God in 'em.