Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Caught in the Act

I promise I will try to get a picture of Tibby (my ass-dented car) up this weekend. Poor car – now going to be the laughing stock of the internet. Oh well, anything for a laugh.

Speaking of laughs, I almost got caught “self-satisfying” myself tonight by my wife. I played it off cool, saying that I was checking for computer viruses and spyware, but man, I didn’t even hear her coming upstairs. How embarrassing would that have been? Now, I don’t do this very often, but sometimes I just have to – I’m sure you know what I mean (don’t lie).

This gave me the idea for the topic “Caught in the Act.” I encourage you to provide any stories that you are willing to tell as well.

One time, I was fooling around with a former girlfriend. This was when I was still in college, and she came to my house for New Years. My parents had a party to go to across the street, and we were planning on going to a friend’s house to bring in the new year. Before we left, we decided we’d get one last “poke” in before the new year.

Well, we were in the basement, in the middle of the passion, when she said she swore she heard something upstairs. I, with no blood in my brain, told her that she was imagining things, and to just enjoy the moment. Then, I definitely heard something – creaking upstairs, and a door open. Oh, shit! Neither of us were clothed, and the clothes were all over the basement (don’t ask).

We quickly got some articles of clothing on – but underwear was still laying around the basement. Thankfully, my dad did not make his way downstairs … but I’m guessing he may have heard something, and decided it was best not to investigate. I’m not sure what I would’ve done – probably wouldn’t have been able to look dad in the eyes for a good while.

Ahhh, the memories.

18 comments:

El Padrino said...

I got caught in the act of receiving fellatio on what I thought was a dark and desolate road alongside a cemetary a few years back. All of a sudden a flashlight shines brightly in my face and first I'm thinking I don't remember this felling quite like this and as I crack my eyes open I see one of NY's finest holding a 6 trillion mega watt flashlight in my face and instructing me to get out of the car. I got a summons for indecent exposure and had to appear in court. Luckily the police were still corrupt back then and I knew someone who can squash it if I paid the fine. I did. Then I raced home and finished myself off because the pain in my jewels was quite sharp. Embarrassing as it was for me it was probably more embarrasing for me lady who I quickly whisked home and sent over some of those red flowers the next day, you know just to lift the spirits. Needless to say I married this girl. Not only because of the fellatio on a dark desolate (so I thought) street but because she passed the sonny test on our first date. Good times.

Los said...

Fascinating. I guess cops would be worse than parents. That would be embarrassing to have to explain to parents if the cops caught ya in the act.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I never get caught self-stimulating. I'm good.

Oh ok. One time, Mom caught me in the bedroom in my teen years. She shut the door damn quickly though and didn't say one word afterward about it. One of those moments that you just don't discuss.

Ink and Stone said...

I've never been caught 'flogging the weasel' though I had a similar experience to Los's. This girl and I were getting our groove on in the basement of my parent's house when we heard creaking and doors opening upstairs. We got dressed real quick and laughed about it quite hysterically too.

One other time, I walked into my parent's room when they were getting it on. My dad basically said "Do you ever knock?" and I said "Don't you ever lock the door?" and walked out. Oh, the anguish and mental scarring.

Los said...

Ah, those memories of walking in on the parents last a lifetime ...

Christina_the_wench said...

Um, (looks around) must be a testosterone thing. Or maybe I just picked better places than you guys. ;)

El Padrino said...

i didnt tell anyone let alone the folks....
it was between me, the cop, me lady and me sea monster...
aaarrgh

Los said...

Would that be the one eyed seamonster?

El Padrino said...

Arrrghh.

For some reason I'm talking like a Pirate today.

Dirty Birdie said...

It wouldn't be a tatooed, pierced, one eyed sea monster would it R Jeremy...er I mean El Padrino??

I recall a time my former brother in law walked in on my ex-husband and I. It was waaay more traumatizing for the BIL because he got an eye full of his brothers hairy ass.

El Padrino said...

No, unfortunately not
*Sigh*

Superstar said...

I once caught my parents going at it when I was 9. I was damanaged for life. We were supposed to be having "lay activities"...I guess they were!

I am with Christina...I have better hidin' places than you all! ;o)

Steph said...

My mother caught me masurbating and was HORRIFIED. As was i. I was 17.
Then a year later my DAD walked in on my boyfriend and I shagging. He couldn't look at me for MONTHS, and never spoke to my boyfriend again.

Los said...

My parents sleep in different beds because my dad's snoring sounds like a Grizzly Bear pleasuring itself. One night, I was walking in my sleep or having a nightmare, or something like that, and I went to my mom's room, and she wasn't there. Then, I went to my dad's room, and the door was locked. I immediately snapped out of the dream/nightmare sequence, and realized my parents were played bed poker. The next morning, while I was eating cereal, I kept looking at my mom, and thinking to myself that my mother was a hussy.

Christina_the_wench said...

Wait. My ex mother-in-law developed a roll of film that me and my ex took that had, ~ahem~ pictures on it of us. Now I gotta add that to my "things to repent for" list.
Thank you, Los.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Inga and Erwin doing the nasty...

AAAGHHH!!!!

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

By the way... I love how you do a post about spanking the monkey, and you get 17 comments on it. We are sick puppies.

Jeff said...

Make that 18 posts. Content dictated me not typing this at work ...

I once dated a girl we'll call Psycho Mormon Chick, who lived with her parents a couple hours away from me. I met her parents on our 2nd (!) date. Special Forces Dad was a big-time Marine, and Psycho Mormon Chick kept telling me how he could hunt people down and kill them with his left pinkie.

After dinner, Special Forces Dad went to his bedroom, and I went to the guest room (next room over) to change before going out for the night. While I was changing, Psycho Mormon Chick entered and started to blow me -- with Special Forces Dad in the next room. She must have thought I held out like a champ, because the whole time I imagined Special Forces Dad hunting me down and killing me with his bare hands.