Monday, June 05, 2006

Party Favors

After throwing my birthday bash this Saturday, I have learned some new things that may help each of you, when you plan a big bash:

1. When purchasing beer at a local distributor, it is always better to use cash, or even a credit card, than it is using a debit card. Why? Because, many times, the people at the cash registers have about as much brain power as a bag of sand (I hesitate using that, because I don’t want to offend the sand). This is what happened to me on Saturday. I purchase a keg of beer, some ice, and a 30-pack of beer. The bill comes to around $120. The lady charges my card $720. She goes to refund me the $720, and charges me $720 again (that’s $1440, friends). Now, I can’t get any more money out of my account until the end of business today, thanks to her gaff. I’m hoping there is no overdraft problem, that would really suck. I hope we all learned a lesson here.

2. Don’t put chicken wings out as appetizers at the beginning of the party. Why? Because, if only 3-4 people are there at the beginning, they will eat all of them, without giving a sh*t about the other guests who are coming later.

3. Don’t do shots of alcohol late in the party. Why? Because, either you will puke, or a friend of yours will puke, or both. Thankfully, I didn’t deliver the sidewalk pizza, but a friend of mine did. He passed out on a neighbor’s lawn as well, and it took 3 of us to drag him down to the basement. Just don’t do it, dammit!

4. Premake as much food as possible – because you will pretty much spend a good three hours on the grill.

5. Eat before the party, because if you are throwing it, you probably won’t have time to eat.

11 comments:

Jeff said...

Thanks for having us!

5. Eat before the party, because if you are throwing it, you probably won’t have time to eat.
** Uh, you could have eaten two burgers in the time it took you to sip that ounce of beer from the boot.

Jeff said...

Thanks for having us!

5. Eat before the party, because if you are throwing it, you probably won’t have time to eat.
** Uh, you could have eaten two burgers in the time it took you to sip that ounce of beer from the boot.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Thank you for being a gracious host.

I wish I could have stayed at the party longer, but I was glad I got back later to see the mess regarding the drunk passed out guy who shall remain nameless.

And you can't blame us for eating all the chicken wings early. It was the only food you had ready at the time, and we were hungry. But man, they were really good. And if I remember correctly, you had quite a few yourself. So you were just as guilty as we were.

Superstar said...

Sounds like a good time was had by all! Did you all get Democularized? he he he he..

Happy B-day recovery!

You should also only serve foods that will come out of the carpet, with a steam cleaner...

Shots* Every year at my Christmas party I do Jello shots in a big 2 oz Syringe, it always the hit of the party and thankfully never had any pucking from them! Basically everyone that comes to my parties wants the jello shots.

You are all invited!

Los said...

Oh, one person got beyond democularized.

Ink and Stone said...

1. Because when I think of 1, I think of 7. Idiot cashier.

2. Hey Karl, so where did those wings come from? Chickens? ;-P

3. If ya can't hold your liquor, don't drink so damn much!

4. But Karl, grilling is a job of honor! If you're having a cookout, and you tell people you're having a cookout, then you damn well better be flipping burgers, chicken, sausage, etc. on the grill!

5. Holy carp, are you daft?? You're running the grill! You can eat anytime you want! You have all the food! Think about it, you whiner!

Glad ya had a good time, too bad I was heading down to B-more then got sick.... stomach nastiness sucks.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Yeah, one guy democularized all over the neighbor's lawn.

Los, how did he feel the next morning? Details, please!

Reverse said...

Dude!!!!
That debit card issue sucks!
Imagine if they would only give you store credit.

Christina_the_wench said...

So no keg stand enlightenment? Deeply disappointed.

Los said...

Christina - No keg stand - but we did drink from "Das Boot" - a 2-litre boot.

Smokin' - He felt o.k. the next day, surprisingly - he even ate some tacos. I'll give ya more details when I see ya.

Reverse said...

Great party man! Wish I stayed longer.