Caught a couple of trout on bass lures a few weeks ago ... yes, I'm proud of myself!
1. On Gasoline prices, on the rise for more than three weeks, potentially topping all-time highs by Memorial Day:
"Thank goodness it's happening during Memorial Day, because with that kind of news, I'm going to need a vacation ..."
2. On a teenager using a candle to search for his dog igniting a fire that destroyed his house:
"That story is a dog-gone shame ... hey-yo!"
3. On an Oregon mailman being suspended for defecating in a yard on his route:
"Talk about special delivery!"
4. On a Scottish butcher laying claim to 'the world's hottest sausage:'
"No word yet on a potential grievance filed by the estate of the late Johnny Holmes..."
5. On a study finding diet plus exercise is more effective for weight loss than either method alone:
"Next thing they'll tell me is that there is no Easter Bunny ... or that Marv Albert wears a tupee."