Great weather followed by bad weather followed by great weather ... can't understand why so many people are sick.
1. On Utah's four-day workweek saving taxpayers millions.
"Finally, a reason to live in Utah!"
2. On a survey that reveals that old people don't think young people don't know right from wrong.
"In other news, most people think there will be a tomorrow."
3. On a store owner who is wiring up an electric current on the pavement outside his music shop in order to prevent people from urinating in front of his store:
"That will literally scare the piss out of them!"
4. On Dallas police ticketing 39 drivers in 3 years for not speaking English:
"Really? In Texas? Next thing you'll tell me is the Easter Bunny isn't real."
5. On a supermarket clerk who urinated on herself at the checkout counter after her supervisor refused to let her take a bathroom break:
"Wait, don't they have Depend adult diapers at the supermarket?"
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