Tasing, puking on kids at the game, and even murder at the bar in the stadium ... perfect family atmosphere for a Phillies game! Way to go, Philly!
1. On a man named Lord Jesus Christ being hit at a crosswalk by a car.
"Son of God, my left ear!"
2. On a South Korean woman who earned a driver's license after 960 tries:
"Ummmmm ... looks like Dominos might have a new pizza delivery person!"
3. On a Southern California man being sentenced to five-and-a-half years in the federal pen for hauling 14 tons of pot in his truck:
"Looks like Cheech Marin might have to find a new side-kick."
4. On Pennsylvania proposing interstate highway tolls at state borders:
"And yet we still can't buy beer at a supermarket ..."
5. On a former Michigan inmate saying he was denied toothpaste for nearly a year while behind bars and planning to sue, citing his right against cruel and unusual punishment.
"Oh yeah ... and he's also a Lions fan."