Memorial Day is a-comin' ... and I can't wait for the barbecued chicken, steak, burgers, dogs, and just about any other flesh!
1. On Texas cops mistaking actual weeds for marijuana:
"Do you know what the street value of these dandelions is?"
2. On England winning the World's Custard Pie Throwing Championship:
"Good to see the Three Stooges influence reaching across the Atlantic!" Or ... "I thought Moe Howard was Jewish."
3. On a report that airlines may reuse plastic cutlery up to nine times before throwing it out:
"You should see what they do with used toilet paper ..."
4. On a 41-year-old man who told police that he was trying to pay legal costs related to a Missouri drug conviction by growing marijuana:
"This sounds a lot like a chicken-and-the-egg complex ..."
5. On a study that finds marriages in which the woman is happier than the man last longer:
"And we needed a study for this?!?!?!"