Happy St. Patrick's Day, y'all ... even if it's a day early!
1. Police shocking a local man with a Taser gun on Friday in a convenience store after he failed to move away from a sword he had been carrying and submit to arrest:
"This is not any way to treat King Arthur ... especially whilst purchasing some jelly krimpets for his wench!"
2. On two hunters being arrested for hunting deer ... on the Rutgers campus ... in a van:
"Looks like these two guys are going to be paying a lot of 'doe' ... a-thank-you!"
3. On mimes calling for freedom of speech in Tennessee:
"Um ... do I really need to provide a line here?"
4. On a man's burglary plans being hampered after he gets tangled in laundry basket:
"Looks like his hands will be 'Tide.' I guess we'll hear a 'Cheer' from the potential victims."
5. On Charlie Sheen commenting on Twitter after a police raid, that the police raid was "Awesome!:"
"Charles Manson is probably thankful that he no longer is the nuttiest 'Charlie.'"