Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Not Such a Hot Idea ...

After learning how stupid I can be by reading the previous post, you are all probably wondering what other stupid things I’ve done in my life. Thankfully, for you, there are many, many stories I can share with you, and perhaps I’ll continue to share them from time to time (if you’re good). This particular story that I’m about to share should give you a better understanding about my “stupid boundaries,” and whether or not they exist.

Two years ago, my brother had an Independence Day barbecue/party at his house. As luck would have it, he had an ample supply of beer and Jagermeister handy, and I, being a proper guest, indulged in both of these. So, by the time the sun went down, and fireworks were being shot off, I was inebriated enough to partake in the festivities. Fortunately, my brother only had sparklers available, so that major travesties could be avoided.

Unfortunately, my brother, probably against better judgment, handed me a lit sparkler. Now, I’m not sure if it was because of “liquid courage,” or just plain alcoholic stupidity, I came to a most regrettable decision in which I was going to attempt to put out the sparkler with my fingers. Again, I’m not sure how I came up with this brilliant idea … in fact, I’m not even sure if I was thinking at all by this point.

To make sure that no harm would be done, I licked said fingers. This should more than protect me against the molten sparkler, I surmised. Predictably, I burnt a hole in my thumb, but the alcohol had done a nice job of numbing the pain (and intelligence). Apparently, the inebriation prevented me from reasoning with myself – when sober, I know that molten metal can approach temperatures of 2500 degrees, but when intoxicated, I believe that mucous can protect skin from these high temperatures.

My big hope anytime I do something this moronic is that I have taught people valuable life-lessons, and I truly hope this has helped you out as well. No need to thank me.

20 comments:

Fairmaiden327 said...

Well Los, that's certainly better than trying to extinguish said sparkler with your ass cheeks, or as a circus freak -- your mouth. 'Nuff said.

I like the way you storytell.

Eric said...

Burnt a whole in your thumb? That is a horrible image, i can sort imagine your thumb melting like the Nazi's faces in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Los said...

Fair Maiden - That just gives you a taste of how the ol' brain works with some alcohol fuel.

Eric - It wasn't a huge whole, more like a little hole, the size of the sparkler - that's all. It hurt the next morning ... much like an alarm clock.

Fairmaiden327 said...

Los, what's up with yr time settings?

Los said...

I don't know - I tried something different with my other blog, and I think I screwed up the time settings somehow. Magic fingers!

Christina_the_wench said...

Ya know, and I gotta point this out it being me and all, only a man would try to put out a sparkler with their finger, drunk or sober. What the hell is wrong with your sex?

Los said...

Christina - We may be the only sex that would attempt to put out a sparkler with our fingers, BUT we are NOT the sex that could debate for 2+ hours on which shoes to wear ... worth noting.

Snowelf said...

Los, I forgive you thy stupidity due to your alcohol induced state.

And your wife gets cool chick points for realizing it was the past and not chopping you to bits.

Although, don't forget,even cool chicks sometimes bank these episodes for later, so don't let your guard down!! ;) hee hee!

--snow

Jeff said...

What? You didn't use the sparkler to light your farts?

Los said...

Snow Elf - I'm sure my wife banked this one ... and I'm sure I haven't heard the last of it.

Jeff - Thankfully, you weren't there, because if you gave me that suggestion, it would've happened.

Kristin said...

You are totally invited to the next party I throw... and you don't even need to set yourself on fire.

Los said...

Kristin - I don't need to set myself on fire ... actually, the beauty of me is that I will find new and unique ways to accidentally hurt myself ... I try not to do any repeats at parties, 'cause I don't want to bore the audience.

El Padrino said...

moral of the story:
drink more beer so that you pass out before the pyrotecs come out

Christina_the_wench said...

Not this chickie. Throw on the tennies and let's go! ;)

Anonymous said...

Dude, I'm so coming to visit you with a bottle of Jaeger and a video camera.

Los said...

El Padrino - I shoulda just kept drinking until my thumb healed.

Christina - But you know women like that, don't ya?

Dirty Birdie - The door is always open for people with Jagermeister.

Rev. Smokin Steve said...

You shoulda just pissed on it to put it out.

Los said...

Smokin' - again, I'm glad you weren't there, or else I probably would've done it.

Steph said...

Hahaha! That'll learn ya to play with hot stuff.

Los said...

Steph - At least not while inebriated.