Topical Chat, October 30, 2006

Heckuva Halloween weekend – the best costume was Andy Reid’s impression of Rich Kotite.

1. On the death of Red Auerbach, legendary coach of the Celtics:Will this be as devastating to the cigar industry as Billy Martin’s death was to the pipe industry?”

2. On a Florida teen who is in hot water for an unusual joy ride he's accused of taking this weekend - allegedly stealing a bus, driving it along a public transit route, picking up passengers and collecting fares:
“Passengers became suspicious when they were being picked up at their bus stops on time.”

3. On police investigating a theft of frozen popsicles:
“they are narrowing the search down to only people with brain freeze and a purple tongue.”

4. On a group of Scottish people complaining about the sale of cheap alcohol:
“That’s right, ruin it for the rest of us, just like Jerry Falwell.”

5. On St. Louis being named the most dangerous city in the U.S:
“Rumor has it, they are thinking of changing the name of the Gateway Arch to the Arch of Doom!”

6. On a flasher being jailed after claiming he wasn’t exposing himself — he was holding a jumbo hot dog:
“The authorities may have believed him if he told them it was a baby gherkin.”

7. On students from Colorado State University attempting to set a new world record for streaking:
“Looks like they are going for a transfer to Florida State.”

8. On British human beings possibly being forced to be 'microchipped' like pet dogs in 10 years, a shocking official report into the rise of the Big Brother state has warned:
“And still, they can’t solve that oral hygiene issue.”