Finally, the Super Bowl is over ... now we have to endure the "tundra days" until baseball season ... at least Philly has the Flyers!
1. On a town's winter carnival being canceled because of too much snow:
"That's like a luau being canceled because of too much sun ..."
2. On Rick Astley turning 45-years old:
"My birthday wishes go out to that fine lady ..."
3. On an overenthusiastic seven-year-old London boy almost buying his very own real-life Harrier fighter jet on eBay for £69,999 ($113,515).
"That would've probably been one helluva show-and-tell!"
4. On a mother being banned from taking pictures of her newborn baby at Maryland hospital:
"And don't even think about breast-feeding, lady!"
5. On a western Pennsylvania man stealing a Jeep and robbing a bank a day after a judge let him out of jail where he had been awaiting trial on charges of assaulting his girlfriend:
"This guy must not be a very good doctor, because he doesn't have a lot of 'Patience.'"