60 degrees in Philly over the weekend?!?!? Made my bermuda shorts happy!
1. On a man making a frantic 911 call after a llama tried to attack him and head-butted his car:
"Would've loved to have heard the police responder's reaction on this one ... 'and, exactly how many shots of tequila did you have, sir?'"
2. On a family in Allentown, PA being lucky to escape with their lives after a natural gas explosion destroyed their block and took five of their neighbor's souls - then their cable company RCN told them they would have to pay $170 a pop for the cable boxes that were destroyed in the fire:
"Cable's slogan should be this - In addition to incredibly poor customer service, we have no morals either."
3. On horse semen being on the menu at a New Zealand food festival:
"I guess, if you go to this, you probably aren't 'horsin' around ... a thank you!"
4. On a study that reports it makes no difference if you stretch or not before a run, because stretching won't affect your risk of injury:
"Run? What's that?"
5. On a police officer who suggested women can avoid sexual assault by not dressing like “sluts,” apologizing:
"I'm sorry to the whores I offended ..."
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