It didn't take long for the Tiger Woods jokes to start flying around - my favorite one was this: "Tiger crashed into a fire-hydrant, flew through the windshield, hit a tree, and landed 3 inches from the cup."
1. On a British town that has started wrapping its lightposts up in thick wool sweaters so drunken students don't hurt themselves when they walk into them.
"Florida State is jealous!"
2. On a couple that got married in a Best Buy line on Black Friday.
"I hope the store put wool sweaters up on the lightposts in the parking lot!"
3. On a University that's looking to hire someone to research lap dances.
"They've collected just under a billion applications so far."
4. On a woman accused of calling in a bomb threat to Miami International Airport with the alleged intention of delaying her boss' flight:
"Either this boss is giving this secretary really good bonuses, or this secretary is dumber than a box of rocks."
5. On a grumpy Santa getting the boot for being so miserable he left children in tears during an appearance at a festive lights switch-on.
"I guess he wasn't in the most "tree-mendous" of moods ... get it?"
Gold Shimmery Champagne Cocktail!
2 days ago