Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Wacky News Stories

My God ... 100 degrees! Is there anything more to say?

1. On a mother and a daycare teacher trying desperately to free a 15-month-old baby boy from a locked car in the scorching heat Monday after emergency services refused to send help:
"Hmmmph ... looks like 911 has even outsourced their services overseas ..."

2. On a quarrel between occupants of two vehicles at a McDonald's restaurant drive-through in southern Finland erupting in gunfire Tuesday, leaving three men dead:
"Guess we can't really laugh at that 'Give me back that Filet-o-Fish' commercial anymore, can we?"

3. On a Porn star offering oral sex to Twitter followers if Dutch win World Cup:
"What happens if the Germans win?"

4. On a fire at a New Hampton telemarketing office causing minor damage:
"See, this is where you wish the 911 operators would refuse to assist ..."

5. On a man who was arrested for masturbating in the electronics department at Walmart:


Heff said...

Hey, who HASN'T whacked off in Wal-Mart? REALLY.

Jeff said...

100 degrees: Suck it up, you wuss. Our soldiers in Iraq face 120 degrees every day, in full uniform, carrying equipment.

1. Rule for 911 calls is to ALWAYS say the kid has a gun.

2. Hamburglar busted out of jail, and he's PISSED.

3. Enemas for all if the Germans win.

4. "Minor fire damage" is like "minor surgery" -- minor when it doesn't happen to you.

5. Pee Wee Herman sighting?

paige said...

It's been in the 70's here for months. It'll get up to maybe 83 all summer. Just saying. Move to England.