Thank ... God ... for ... air ... conditioners.
1. On a Swedish mountaineer and professional skier falling to his death while attempting to summit 28,253-foot K2, the world's second tallest peak:
"Eval Knieval thought that was a stupid stunt."
2. On Milwaukee teachers fighting for taxpayer-funded Viagra:
"Of course, they are battling some stiff opposition."
3. On a high school student testifying Thursday that he decided to “tell the truth” about teacher his teacher having sex with him after coming to believe she was having sex with “everyone else,” including the assistant principal:
"Now that's what I call extra credit!"
4. On Taco Bell launching a new product - Street Tacos:
"Real asphalt in every bite!"
5. On a semi trailer carrying more than 39,000 pounds of shredded cheese catching fire:
"As luck would have it, a ground beef truck ran into it seconds later ... followed by a bread truck."