College football starts soon! I'll be rooting for Penn State, and every team playing against Notre Dame that particular week ...
1. On a middle school that publishes bus routes with student names, home addresses, and pickup/dropoff times:
"Thank goodness Michael Jackson is no longer alive ..."
2. On a mom being arrested after taking her five-year-old daughter on a bank robbery:
"It's never too soon to start thinking about a career ..."
3. On a Mississippi high school refusing to publish a teen's portrait picture in the yearbook because she wore a tuxedo in it:
"No word on whether the school allowed the picture of the guy with the mullet, Schlitz cap, and NASCAR jacket..."
4. On an addicted Gamer suing a game-maker, blaming the company for his inability function:
"The lady who sued McDonalds because the coffee was hot thinks this kid is an idiot."