Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wacky News Stories

Time for one of the greatest times of the year ... fantasy football season!!!!

1. On a Seattle man facing assault charges on allegations that he exposed himself to a Radio Shack clerk, brandished a knife and threatened to expose the man to flesh-eating bacteria:
"This is not a penis, it's actually an alien."

2. On a man fending off a polar bear with a punch to the nose:
"Sounds like a new Chuck Norris movie to me."

3. On a man fatally shooting his girlfriend while discussing gun safety with her:
"Whatever you do, make sure you look into barrel of the gun first whilst pulling the trigger ... trust me, I'm a professional!"

4. On a man being arrested Thursday for allegedly using fireworks to set fire to his girlfriend's house:
"But you said you wanted more fireworks in our life!"

5. On San Francisco trying to ban the Happy Meal:
"Isn't that kind of like Germany banning the Bratwurst?"


scargosun said...

The first one is my fave, hands down.

Heff said...


Steph said...

Haha... love the first one.

Jeff said...

Fantasy Football: don't draft Roethlisberger in Round 1.

1. Dude, switch to decaf.

2. Peta rooted for the bear.

3. Step 1: check the chamber for bullets.

4. Went out with a bang.

5. Poor marketing: wouldn't happen if McDonalds changed its name to Gay Meal.