Notre Dame lost to Tulsa this past week .... BWAHAHAHAHA!
1. On the University of Iowa admitting NCAA recruiting violations that involve husband-wife film stars Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore:
"Apparently, they were giving out free copies of 'Strip-tease' to new recruits..."
2. On a Pennsylvania mother who had her baby taken away after a bagel with poppy seeds skewed the results of a drug test:
"No word on the hash-brownie she ingested ..."
3. On a man who tried to distill the active ingredient from marijuana using butane gas inadvertently causing an explosion that sent the door of his refrigerator through a wall in his home:
4. On a 26-year-old who still goes out trick-or-treating:
"Let me guess ... she's still single?" Or ... "Man, Lindsay Lohan has really hit rock-bottom." ... Or, "Lady Gaga will do anything for publicity."
5. On a report that claims heavy drinkers who "cut back," still drink a lot more than "normal:"
"Taxpayer money hard at work ..."