Always hate to see the Cowboys and Notre Dame in a free-fall ... such a shame ... no, seriously ...
1. On a teen janitor arrested for assaulting an 8-year old in a school hallway:
"Who has cooties now, bi-otch?"
2. On Amazon.com selling a self-published guide to pedophilia:
"Wait, I thought Michael Jackson was dead ..."
3. On Bette White becoming a forest ranger:
"Why do I get a sense that Yogi Bear is going to make a comeback?"
4. On the cruise ship that lost power last week making Mayo Sandwiches:
"I bet that some of the Miracle Whip supporters on the cruise-ship were pissed!"
5. On Walmart offering free shipping for the holidays:
"These guys are giving Santa and his reindeer a run for the money!"