Let the shopping begin!
1. On a couple in line a week early for Black Friday at Best Buy:
"I'd like to call them losers ... but then I'd be offending all of the actual losers."
2. On paleontologists uncovering 2.5 million year old tobacco plant:
"Thus proving that Marlboro is indeed the oldest company in the world ..."
3. On a woman who bought a cell phone for her grandson and was shocked to find it pre-loaded with pornographic pictures when she turned it on:
"Beats the hell out of the knitted socks she normally gave her grandson."
4. On a student at Jefferson Middle School who is accused of offering to pay $100 to have someone kill his school bus driver, getting suspended for 6 days:
"This should be a wake-up call to all school-bus drivers everywhere!"
5. On the US Embassy in Beijing claiming the air quality is 'crazy bad:'
"They also claimed the communisim is crazy stupid, and that beer is wicked hard core!"
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