Here's to hoping 2010 is better than 2009 (not saying 2009 was bad, but I always hope every new year is better).
1. On an aquarium lowering the water level in their tanks to prevent gas bubbles produced by turtle farts from triggering overflow alarms.
"Turtle farts? This would be such a great band name!!!"
2. On a new bylaw created to stop dogs from chasing squirrels and seagulls.
"Don't forget to look at article 37, that goes into great detail about ball-licking."
3. On a police officer who was caught driving at 98mph in a 50mph zone and claiming the speed limit was not enforceable because the signs were not lit.
"What a terrible 'cop-out' ... get it?"
4. On a robber was arrested while scoffing a chicken dinner at a restaurant he held up at gunpoint 20 minutes earlier.
"Hey Brittany! I think I found a good next husband for ya!"
5. On Charlie Sheen being charged with second degree assault and menacing.
"Man, I hope this finally spells thee end of 2 1/2 Men!"