My goodness, almost two weeks gone in January? Really? Where's the brakes!
1. On D.C. cops being allowed to arrest you for carrying more than one condom.
"Well, as long as we're still allowed to carry more than one firearm ...."
2. On Wild Turkey being blamed for a power outtage.
"Man, thank goodness Captain Morgan didn't have anything to do with it!"
3. On a man being arrested for fondling himself at an area Starbuck's.
"Normally, the company is doing the fondling by the outrageous prices they charge ..."
4. On a decision to drop charges against a 10-year-old yob who admitted stabbing a teacher in the chest with a pencil and assaulting two other staff.
"Maybe we can compromise by giving the kid a time-out."
5. On a man being charged with drunken snowblowing.
"There's gonna be a lot of sad snowmen tonight ..."