Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Weekly Homework Assignment
It's time once again for Mama Kat's Weekly Homework Assignment. This week, I chose the following prompt: What does that tell you about your father? List five products your father used (or uses). Write a longer piece about, at least, one of them.
Well, let's get started with a list of the 5 products my dad uses:
5. Old Spice aftershave - you know, the kind that's in that white, glass-aluminum-like bottle ... the old-school kind that stinks.
4. Hanes- wife-beater undershirt - My dad loves to wear these in the summertime with no other shirt covering said wife-beater.
3. Wahrsteiner Bier - Good German beer that can easily be found at most beer distributors for a reasonable price.
2. Ford vans - He's been on a kick with these since the 1980's - Aerostar, Windstar, Freestar ... he's had them all ... he thinks they're cool. His Aerostar had racing stripes, shades, and bubble-lighting ... I kid you not.
And the number one product my dad uses is Vitalis Hair Tonic. I have no idea why he uses this product. He's been bald forever. He has a comb-over, which would normally be VERY embarrassing, but at this point, I'm fine with it ... I guess it gives him something to do in the bathroom.
He uses quite a generous helping of Vitalis daily to ... well, I think it's to combine the 4 or 5 comb-over hairs into one super-comb-over piece of hair. The Vitalis seems to bond the hairs together, creating one stiff, greasy "hinge" of hair.
Folks, Vitalis smells like bad vodka ... I'm half convinced you can buy a bottle of Popov at a liquor store and use it as hair tonic. I have never heard of anyone else who's ever used Vitalis before - I think my dad might have bought so many bottles of this stuff that he probably owns half the company at this point.
The worst thing about this is that when my dad drives with the windows down, his hinge-comb-over hair acts almost like a wind-sock. Some other drivers sometimes initially think that my dad's waving at them, but probably feel a bit embarrassed when they realize it's his hair that's doing the waving.