My God - less than a week until Thanksgiving?!?!? Where did 2009 go?
1. On a Tennessee state trooper being suspended for 15 days without pay and being required to attend diversity training after he accidentally sent an e-mail proclaiming white pride to 787 state employees.
"Really? In Tennessee? Next thing you'll tell me is the Easter Bunny isn't real ... The funny thing is that in most 'normal' states, he probably would've been fired."
2. On a woman who mistook a police officer for a car hop at a Sonic drive-in being charged with DUI and possession of drug paraphernalia:
"The more interesting thing is that this lady mistook a police station for a Sonic drive-in."
3. On an Orange County teacher who is accused of threatening to shoot students and kill a principal:
"Yeah, but he's teaching a Criminal Justice class ... so that's OK, right?"
4. On a Zoo's 34-year-old Asian elephant having to cut carbs and increase her exercise routine in an effort to shed 1,000 pounds (453 kilograms) over the next year:
"Hey NBC, I think I have a new 'reality show' idea for you!"
5. On how The Golden Girls turned A generation of American boys into homosexuals:
"Thank goodness Cop Rock never took off!"
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