No Ketchup? Seriously?

Some of you may already be aware of the affinity I have with fast food … if only it were healthy ... Now, I don’t go to fast food places very much anymore (maybe once every two weeks), but I have noticed something quite disturbing (and no, it’s not the calories, salt, or sludge) … actually, it’s much more troubling than that.

What am I talking about? I’m glad you asked (and if you didn’t ask, shame on you). KETCHUP PACKETS! I’ve always had this theory that they were getting smaller (although, I never took into account that I was getting bigger), but that’s a complaint for another day. No, my complaint takes ketchup packets in an entirely different direction.

Back in the day, I remember getting ketchup packets, salt, pepper, and almost any other condiment in my bag at a drive-thru window without even asking for it. As time went on, the drive-thru “waiters and waitresses” began asking if I wanted ketchup, salt, or pepper … I didn’t mind, just as long as I got my ketchup (it seems to taste better in the packets … again, a topic for another day).

Then, a few years ago, they totally stopped asking, just handing the bag out the window as soon as one pulled … not even giving the person a chance to ask for the ketchup packets. On a number of occasions, I’ve had to either ask for ketchup while I was ordering, or I’d have to ask very quickly while the attendant was shoving the bag against my noggin. I’ve noticed the eye rolls and sighs when I ask for the ketchup … this truly must be affecting their bottom lines.

I’ve seen a couple fast food places go so far as to stick someone who didn’t speak an ounce of English at the window, hoping that this tactic would help spare those apparently rare packets. And, I know what’s going to happen next (and I bet it’s going to happen pretty soon) – yep, they’re going to start charging for the ketchup.

Look, I’m a man who MUST have large amounts of ketchup to dunk his fries in. That’s probably also the reason I love Chick-Fil-A – because their waffle fries have a large surface area that helps to collect significant amounts of ketchup (yet again, a topic for another conversation). I can’t be dealing with any of these ridiculous ketchup packet wars – I NEED MY KETCHUP PACKETS! Has anyone else noticed this, or am I just becoming too paranoid about this?

Dear Me

OK - so the homework assignment tonight from Mama's Losing It is write a letter to the 10-year-old boy that I had been ... here goes nothing:

Dear young, prepubescent Los,

Dude, remember how you were saying that you couldn't wait to grow up that one day down at the pool with Ray, Drew and Davers? You gotta put on the brakes - enjoy life as a kid with no responsibilties. Yeah yeah, I know - at 21, you'll be able to go to bars, drive, drink, and be a grown up ... but at the same point, you'll have to get a job, and have to pay for things.

Curfews? Yeah, they suck, and mom always makes you come in earlier than the other kids. That's cool - it's just a small price to pay. Mom and dad bend over backwards for you - the least you could do is not complain about your curfew ... you'll understand soon enough.

Oh, and here's a little advice for ya - it's never too early to start thinking about girls. I know, you think they're gross, but you're only a few years away from your first date. And let me tell you something - get over your shyness - there's a lot of girls who would love to go out on a date with you, even if you just take them to the mall for a pretzel and a slurpee. Trust me, bro!

One Banana, Two Banana, Three Banana, Four!

You know, every once in a while, I get that song “One Banana, Two Banana, Three Banana Four” song swimming around in my melon … no, seriously, I do. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, obviously the Banana Splits show was probably before your time.

The show was originally done in the late 1960’s … before I was born (thankfully), but it had a bit of a renaissance in the late 1970’s. According to Wikipedia, “The Banana Splits Adventure Hour, syndicated as The Banana Splits and Friends Show, was an hour-long package television program featuring both live action and animated segments.”

Basically, it featured four furry animals that were part of a “band,” similar to the Monkees. The group is as follows: The main characters were Fleegle, a beagle; Bingo, a gorilla; Drooper, a lion, and Snorky (called "Snork" in the theme song lyrics), an elephant. For the most part, they would goof around trying to play songs, but mostly ride around in bumper cars, spill food on each other, and introduce Hanna Barbera cartoons.

As a 4-5-year-old, I was mesmerized by these clowns …. much like I was mesmerized by other bumbling “comedy groups,” like the Stooges, Abbott and Costello, and the aforementioned Monkees. I haven’t seen the show since I was a youngster, and if I watched it now, the novelty and humor I found so … well … humorous as a child would probably not carry over into adulthood . Plus, I could probably catch some of the Banana Splits antics on Youtube if I really wanted to.

With that said, a news report recently came out stating that the Banana Splits will be redone for the 21st century. Here’s to hoping the creators don’t take the same path they tried to take in revamping Bugs Bunny.

A blogging "exercise"

So, I got a "homework assignment" from Mama's Losing It - and I figured, "What the heck?" I don't have writer's block, mind you, but this looked like a fun exercise. So, Mama put together a few topics, and we (bloggers) were tasked to write about them ... on a side note, this may be a weekly thing. OK, enough small talk - topic #1:

1.) Did you have a favorite blanket or toy? Tell about it.
I got this Oscar the Grouch alarm clock one Christmas ... it was probably the most excited I've ever been about a Christmas present. When I opened it, and realized what it was, I came about as close as I ever have to jumping out of my skin. I remember vividly jumping up and down trying to scream but no sound coming out of my mouth (that's probably a first, by the way). I had been eyeing this alarm clock for months in a Sears catalogue, and my parents put together a pretty good poker face the entire time claiming that "Santa" couldn't find the clock anywhere ... of course, I took the bait hook-line-and sinker ... which added to the surprise.

Oscar would wake me up every morning with some sort of saying that included hoping that I would have a grouchy day. I ate it up ... I must've listened to that alarm clock 50 times that very first day. At some point, that alarm clock broke, and my interest for it did too. But I will never, ever forget how excited I was that Christmas.

2.) I wish I could...
Oh man, there are so many things I wish I could do. I wish I could enjoy healthy food more ... I get bored with it, and go back to potato chips and burgers. I wish I liked beans ... I can't stand them for some reason. I wish I could play a good guitar, because my air guitar skills are out of this world. I wish I could win the lottery ... it would make things so much easier (at least, I think it would ... although there are probably a lot of negatives that I can't currently see).

Whew, that was fun! If you guys or gals are interested in this exercise, go visit her site by clicking here:

You Won a Gold Medal in What???

Last weekend, I went over my friend Ray-Ray’s place – his fiance’s bridal shower was going on, and the guys decided to hang out, goof around, drink a little, and most importantly, avoid the shower. First item on the agenda was to go out and get some lunch – we chose a bar down the street from his “crib,” a crab-shack/bar.

We were immediately overwhelmed by the wafting seafood odor, similar to the stench one is overwhelmed with when entering Lou Turks (inside joke for those of you who live in Delaware County). Other than that, the bar was quaint, and filled with many toothless red-necks who were eagerly awaiting the upcoming NASCAR race.

On the big screen in the center, the Olympics was on … but not the good Olympics - you know, the one featuring women’s beach volleyball, basketball, baseball, or soccer. No, instead, we were saddled with watching women’s trampolines. Seriously, women’s trampolines??? How the hell did this become an Olympic sport anyway? I mean, the Olympics is getting rid of baseball and softball, yet they keep trampolines, synchronized diving, and badminton???

Why not add other summer barbecue sports like cornhole, lawn darts, and horse-shoes? Seriously – that way, when parents have picnics and barbecues in the summer, they can gauge how well little Joey is doing throwing the plastic shoes. Should waffle ball or pool volleyball be added. If there’s a protocol, or an application process, what is it? I’d like to add shuffle ball to the list. Maybe we could add hot-dog eating, or a belly-flop contest. Who wouldn’t watch those?

You know, if Guiness got smart, they could hold a “Guiness Book of World Records” Olympics every 4 years – I’m pretty sure that MTV or E would totally be on board.

Fantasy Football is Back!!!!

So, we had our big fantasy football draft last night - I believe this is our league's 10th year. We've done a live draft every year, and even though technology obviously supports internet drafting, to me, it's just not as fun as having all parties at a central location ... of course, this is difficult with our league, as we have 20 people participating (2 separate conferences that draft from separate pools).

Anyway, I picked 6th last night, and I think I did a relatively good job. No, I didn't get Tomlinson or Peterson, or really any top tier back, but I still think I did a great job. Here, see for yourself:

QBs:
Tom Brady
David Garrard
Jason Campbell

RB's
Clinton Portis
Michael Turner
Ryan Grant
Selvin Young

WR's
Andre Johnson
Greg Jennings
Dwayne Bowe
Nate Burleson

TEs
Jeremy Shockey
Heath Miller

Kicker
Jason Hanson

Defense
Seahawks

What Side Effects???

It’s almost football season again … and you know what that means …. An incessant amount of commercials about drugs for ailments we didn’t even know were real illnesses! “Do you burp? Well, have we got a cure for you!” Wait a minute … burping is an illness? Man, then my burping illness must be in the advanced stages!

Seriously, we Americans must be the biggest hypochondriacs in the whole world … either that, or these drug companies are successfully implementing hypnotic suggestion in their commercials.

But, I love watching these commercials. Why? Because I enjoy how the first half of the commercial is about how great the drug is, and the second half of the commercial consists of the narrator reading a list of potential side effects while the video is of the person enjoying his/her time frolicking in a country field. Seriously, have you heard some of these side effects?

For instance, Lipitor is a pretty popular drug on the market right now. It apparently helps to lower cholesterol … which is fine, if you don’t mind the breakdown of skeletal muscle tissue, which can lead to kidney failure. Seriously, I’m not making this up!

How about Flonase? Sure, this one helps with chronic nasal congestion. The only thing you have to worry about is severe or ongoing nose bleed, vision problems, sores in the nose that won't heal, fever, chills, body aches, or flu symptoms. You know what, I think I’ll breathe out of my mouth, thank you!

You can find out more about prescription drugs here, if you want: http://www.drugs.com/alpha/f1.html

Office Clowners!

I don’t know if you’ve ever popped over to the office clowning blogsite that I have on my blog roll, but these guys are absolutely amazing (in my humble opinion). Sure, I know them very well, as I was once part of their office-clowning … er … shenanigans (translation – I worked with them), but still.

My wife Schue and I were perusing office clowning once again, and couldn’t stop laughing. Particularly funny was the “My Name is Los” pic they recently did. These guys are pretty darn good with Photoshop, and think outside the box with regards to photo-doctoring.

I wanted to give them a shout-out because (a) they spend lots of their work-days hard at work ... with this, and (b) because I miss those sumbitches! Here are a few of my favorites (of, course, these all include me … deal with it).



Me, demonstrating my soccer skills ...




My Name is Los





The blockbuster comedy of 2007, Knocked Up!


Others, I liked:

A Pleasant Surprise ...

Have you ever come across a movie you never heard about, watched it, and absolutely loved it? Yeah, me too – movies like National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, High Fidelity, and Grandma’s Boy are a few of the more recent ones that fit this bill for me. I have another one to add to the list, thanks to my brother. You are all probably at least remotely familiar with the Onion website, right? It’s really just a “faux” news site, that is downright brilliant and hysterical (www.theonion.com for those unfamiliar).

Well, apparently, these geniuses put together a movie back in 1993, but never released it, partly due to the poor feedback they were receiving from private screenings. They sat on the movie until this year, and released it on DVD in June, to really not much fanfare.

This past weekend, in Rehobeth, my brother told me about the movie, and as luck would have it, he had acquired it. I didn’t really have high hopes for the flick, considering I heard nothing about it, but he assured me it was a riot. So, we decided to watch it, and I was more than pleasantly surprised – this movie was a laugh a minute … much like the website.

This movie, in my opinion, is comparable to The Kentucky Fried Movie (and if you haven’t seen this yet, stop reading and rent it, dammit!). There are a lot of little “vignettes” tied together in a newscast … and yes, there is a storyline, although it is really not important. I won’t give too much away, other than Steven Seagall is in the movie, and basically spoofs himself.

If you get a chance, rent this – if you have a good sense of humor, and are not easily offended, you’ll love this. If you are an activist of any kind, you’ll probably want to stay away from it … of course, if you were an activist, you probably wouldn’t be reading this blog, right?

Rehobeth ...

You know what – I still got PVD, or post-vacation depression. Usually, this condition lasts for a few days and then gradually subsides, but I’m still saying things like, “you know, two Sundays ago, we were at the Sunburn Bar watching the Philadelphia Soul win the championship.” Well, sometimes you need a little “hair of the dog that bit ya,” and that is exactly what we got this past weekend.

My wife Schue and I went down to Rehobeth Beach to meat up with my brother, his wife, and his wife’s sister – their parents have a place not too far from the beach and they invited us down. I’ve realized something – GOD I LOVE VACATION! Traffic to Rehobeth wasn’t too bad on Saturday morning – sure there were some slow spots, especially as you enter the town on Route 1.

We got there a little before 11, and it wasn’t too long before we were on the road to the beach. This must’ve been one of the busiest weekends of the year in Rehobeth because the traffic was brutal. In talking with my brother, he said that a lot of new developments were built over the last few years, but the town’s short-sighted government decided against upgrading the support infrastructure … translation – the town decided not to expand any of the two-lane roads into four-lane roads, and no parking garages were built to accommodate the increase in visitors, making the task of finding a parking spot near the beach a near impossibility. Plus, most of the parking spots are metered – and the meters cost 25 cents for 10 minutes! However, Rehobeth does not require beach tags, so I guess it all evens out.

The beach itself was ridiculously crowded – beach umbrellas as far as the eye could see … in a way, it looked like a giant mushroom patch. I guess we were spoiled in the Outer Banks, because the beach was never THAT packed, and the traffic was non-existant. Still, the weather was perfect, we found a nice spot, and had a great few hours basking in the sun. By the way, the water was REALLY cold - and you men know that the toughest part about getting into the water is when the water rises about your “wedding tackle.”

After the beach, we walked down to the boardwalk area of Rehobeth, and went to the Purple Parrot for a late lunch (or as our friend Andy says it – “Dunch,” which is a combination of lunch and dinner). I had the Pot Roast hoagie – I highly recommend it, by the way! We spent some more time walking around the boardwalk, going into some local shops, and playing some games (winning some cheap stuffed animals).

Later that night, we went to the Am-Vets – my brother’s wife and her sister are members. The alcohol is cheap, and the entertainment is “interesting.” You only have to get passed the smoke-filled haze of the bar, but it is a ton of fun – we played some shuffle bowl, and pool …I had a hankering to play one of the slot machines there, but everyone else was ready to leave (which is probably a good thing).

On the ride home, we were making great time, until we hit a major rain/hail storm that slowed us down a bit. Still, we had a fantastic time … someday, when I win the Powerball, maybe I’ll get a place down the beach … sigh.

Top Ten List ...

I got to thinking about my blog and what other things I wanted to do with it – maybe have some sort of themes (there was a time when I posted pics and asked for the best captions). I think I came up with something that might or might not be funny. It’s a little hard to explain, but I guess it can be best compared to a top 10 list, but I’ll be focusing on (hopefully) topics that Letterman doesn’t. I’ll give it a whirl, and you can let me know what you think, or even offer suggestions on other topics.

First topic: Things you probably shouldn’t say while you’re dancing with a girl:

10. So, what did you do with the money your mom gave you for dancing lessons?
9. I learned all my best moves from Michael Jackson.
8. Do you wanna have a Moonwalk contest?
7. Last time I saw moves like that was whilst watching a guy have a heart attack.
6. Wow, you must be something in bed!
5. You should see my “It’s Raining Men” dance routine!
4. So, do you have a daughter?
3. You dance pretty well for an ugly chick!
2. I haven’t danced this close with a woman since I hokey-pokeyed with my mom.
1. Seriously, you need to drink less/more.

Scratch That ...

The last post was a post about the first crush I had … at least I thought that was my first crush. I actually had interest in girl years before Kathy … her name was Phadra – I’m really not sure how to spell it, as I was only 5 when she moved into my neighborhood. Now, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as if I, at the ripe old age of 5, was interested in having “relations” with this girl, but she was the first girl I knew who I actually wanted to hang out with.

Honestly, I really don’t know much about her, other than she was funny, and liked to do things I did – which basically consisted of trying to catch crayfish in the creek in my back yard. Unfortunately, I had a nemesis – his name was Bill, and it wouldn’t be the first time the two of us would fight over a “woman.”

Bill had a distinct advantage over me – his family owned a swimming pool. That’s a huge advantage for a 5-year-old. Seriously – Phadra had to choose between getting dirty trying to catch god-knows-what in the creek, or taking a plunge in a swimming pool … complete with a volleyball net.

The choice was pretty simple … or at least it seemed that way on paper. However, I did have one thing going for me – my advanced sense of humor, and the uncanny ability to make Phadra laugh. Sure, sometimes Phadra chose the pool, but more times than not, she hung out with me.

For some reason, Bill, Phadra and I never really came to the conclusion that it would be good for the three of us to hang out. I think that Phadra liked the attention she got and the competition she created. Bill and I, unfortunately, didn’t learn from this, as we had another fight over a girl in the 7th grade … this time the stakes were a little bigger than just a swim in the pool … eh, a story for another time.

Phadra and her mom only lived in our neighborhood for a year or two – I’m not really sure where they moved to or what ever happened to her. I think she and her mom may have stopped by our house a few years after they moved, but by then, the magic was gone, and Bill and I could resume being friends.

My First Crush ...

After getting back from the Outer Banks, I got talkin' to my friend Slant about relationships with girls. It got me to thinking – I’ve had some really “interesting” girlfriends … and even girls I had crushes on. Like for instance, I remember very well the first crush I had. I was in 6th grade, and had just freshly retired my Super Friends lunch box in favor of the more socially accepted brown bag. That’s right, I was starting to become an adult, and quite naturally, Cupid would eventually point his love arrow my way (wait, that didn’t sound very good).

The girl’s name was Kathy, and she had recently moved back to my school district – she was in my Kindergarten class all those years ago (about 6 years ago, actually). I immediately felt a tingling in my heart … all of the sudden, girls no longer had cuties. In looking back, Kathy really wasn’t a knockout … she had dirty blonde hair … so dirty in fact, that she was kept home from school because of a case of head lice … no matter – I still had tingles for her.

Unfortunately, my mom was right in the middle of a run of bad clothing purchases for me – clothes like Uncle Charlie’s and Smacks pants, the fire-engine red Copa 83 and brown Nado Super Primo sneakers – I didn’t stand a chance with Kathy. Somehow, it got leaked to her that I liked her … she never gave me a second look. I was crushed … and I soon realized why they called them crushes.

I remember looking at our 5th grade yearbook longingly at the picture of Kathy. I had the full-blown crush … loss of appetite, even with my mom’s patented peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Herr’s potato chips, Kit Kat bar, and Capri Sun drink. I couldn’t think straight in class, and felt dizzy anytime that I saw her in the hallway. One time, she was walking down the hallway in one direction … alone … and I was walking in the other direction … alone … I thought I was going to pass out … and I probably would have if she made eye contact with me … which she sadly didn’t.

I’m not really sure what I would’ve done if she had agreed to go out with me. Maybe I would’ve met her at the mall and bought her a soft pretzel and possibly an Icee … if I had enough money in my brown soccer wallet. Maybe we would’ve danced real slow together at the middle-school dances that were held 3 times a year. Or maybe we could play kick the can or freeze tag with my neighborhood buddies.

As it turned out, it was probably for the best – Kathy began smoking and drinking in the 7th grade. The closest I ever came to drinking at that point was when my parents allowed me to have a splash of wine with my ginger ale at the dinner table … there was no way I could or even wanted to compete with that.

My God, vacation is already over??? In looking back, it felt like a dream, you know? It just went by too quickly to be real … but I guess that means we had fun, right? Here’s a brief description, complete with pics.

We left last Saturday morning – meeting Ray-Ray, Christa, and Johnnay at the Shell station in Newark Delaware around 7:45 AM. I took a picture of some sort of artwork or gang sign made out of feces at the gas station … thought this would be a fitting start to the trip.



On the way down to the Outer Banks on route 13, there is a place called Dixieland – this is the “official” beginning of the South. It is tradition for us to stop here on the trip down every year. Basically, the place sells cheap cigarettes, cheap fireworks, and cheap “Dixieland” trinkets for people to wear/hang in their houses, reminding them that they indeed crossed over into Confederate territory.



We made it down to our destination around 4:00 p.m. – the Winedown in beautiful Kill Devil Hills, NC. After we unpacked, we decided to make some frozen, fruity drinks (hey, it was hot down there!), and hang by the pool – a great start to the week.



On Sunday, I walked to the beach in the morning, and then, headed back to the pool. We decided to watch the Philadelphia Soul “AFL Championship Game” at the Sunburn Bar in Kill Devil Hills – heck, when your sports teams stink, you’ll root for anybody, I guess. The Soul did end up winning, by the way … oh, and the wings at the Sunburn … not so good.

We ventured to the beach on Monday, and there was still considerable seaweed in the water, thanks to the hurricane from the week before. It was fun, but you had to get away from the surf, or you’d end up looking like you were wearing a hula skirt. At night, we went to Jimmy’s Seafood Buffet – it featured about 8 different types of crabs, and tons of other seafood and non-seafood items. The wait to be seated was about 45 minutes or so. Unfortunately, it really wasn’t worth the wait, as was evidenced later that night, when Ray-Ray’s girl came down with a mild case of food-poisoning … on a side note, that might be the last time I do a seafood buffet … ya just can’t mess with seafood.

I fished at the Avalon fishing pier early Tuesday morning – came up with a great pic of the sun rising, as well as catching a few Spot (very small fish). We also made it to the Wright Brothers museum … in the 6 years I’ve gone down there, this was surprisingly the first time I ever made it there. Then, we hung out at the pool again.





Wednesday was another beach day, and although the water was better, there was still some seaweed. We went to the Beach Road Bar and Grill right off the dunes for some lunch, and let me tell ya-all (Southern drawl), this place is a must-go place. It is located on milepost 10.5 on Beach Road in Nags Head, and the food, drink, and company is well worth it. All their food is made from scratch, and they have fantastic specials every day. Plus, it’s located right by the beach, so you can leave your stuff, go to the bar for lunch, and head back to the beach later in the day. We went there quite a few times for the remainder of the trip.

Wednesday night, we went back to the Sunburn for some Karaoke. I have a video of Johnnay singing, but (a) it took too long to load, and (b) I figured he'd probably be against me showing this.

On Thursday, we took a pontoon boat out in the back channels and actually did pretty well with the fishing. I caught my first drum fish ever – it was on the small side, but still a coveted personal accomplishment. That night, we ended up cooking quite a seafood meal and having a few cocktails (oh yeah, I think we did this every night).

Friday came much too quickly. Ray-Ray, Johnnay, Christa and I played some miniature golf, and Christa somehow won, even though she claims it was her first time. Let me just say in my defense, that for most of my shots, either the sun was in my eyes, or the wind was blowing too hard. We spent the afternoon and evening on the beach again, and this was by far the best day on the beach. The ocean was calm and clear, almost like the Caribbean. We must’ve been in the water for a couple of hours easy throwing the football, or looking for the fish (I swear, you could see right to the bottom even 5 feet out).

Ray-Ray, Christa and Johnnay decided to leave Friday night – it was kind of sad, because that really signaled the beginning of the end of the trip. We left Saturday morning, and as we approached Dixieland on the way home, I felt the last bit of vacation drifting away. Of course, the trip back felt about 53 times longer than the trip down, for obvious reasons. God, I really should’ve taken Monday off … sigh.



Me and Ray-Ray

Vacation ... FINALLY!

I really can’t wait for this week to be over – you see, on Saturday, my wife and I, along with some of our closest friends, are heading to the Outer Banks for a week. For those of you not familiar with the Outer Banks, you can click here to find out more: http://www.outerbanks.org/index.asp. I’ve been there a number of times, and have never been disappointed.

As you probably already know, I’ve lived near Philadelphia all my life. The normal beach places for us Philly folks to travel to are in New Jersey, and while they’re, for the most part, quite nice, they are expensive, and overcrowded. The Delaware beaches are nicer, in my opinion, but you still have to deal with annoying people. So, how did we “discover” the Outer Banks?

Actually, my friend Davers’s parents went down to Nags Head many years ago – probably the early 1980’s. Back then, Nags Head, and most of the Outer Banks, was nothing more than a fishing resort. Davers came back from that vacation raving about how great the fishing was. We had made a pact that someday, we’d make it down there.

That day was the summer of 1999. Davers and I, along with another friend, made our trek to the Outer Banks, in search of fish and a good time. We stayed in Nags Head again – and Davers commented on how much more “commercial” Nags Head had become. Now, it is nowhere near as commercial as the Jersey shore, but now there are other things to do besides fish.

The first thing I realized was that renting a house in the Outer Banks is SO MUCH CHEAPER than the Jersey shore. And, the fishing was indeed very good – we could many weakfish, spots, croakers, bluefish, and even Spanish Mackerel on a daily basis. The nightlife was actually pretty good in the Kill Devil Hills – Nags Head area – good bars, and great restaurants.

Keep in mind, the Outer Banks stretches for hours – which means there are family friendly areas like Duck and Corolla. There are areas with good nightlife like Kill Devil Hills, and there are still areas for the guys that just want to fish, like Cape Hatteras. It’s got everything – it really just depends on what you want to do.

Davers and I went down to the Outer Banks one more time in 2000 – and again, had a great time. My wife, Babs, and I started going down there, probably in 2005 – we went twice and had a fantastic time. The place we got two years ago was huge – it had an in-ground pool, a game room with a pool table, and plenty of room to sleep about 8-10 people. This year, we’re heading back to the same place, but this time with more friends. I can’t wait!

I’ll post some pics and stories when I get back. In the meantime, behave yourselves!

Los and Restaurants ...

Growing up in my family, I was very sheltered when it came to food and cooking. It really was only the basics for me – you know, hot dogs, burgers, chicken (usually cooked the same way), gray steak (long story) roast beef, and some specific German cuisine like Goulash, and Ruladen. Heck, I didn’t evey try Chinese food until I was off in college, and the closest I got to Mexican food for the longest time was Taco Bell.

My wife was probably mortified at the lack of diversity in the foods I ate (and really, continue to eat). I prefer noodles over rice and potatoes (with the exception of French Fries). I like a traditional breakfast that is made up of bacon, eggs (scrambled, over easy, or hard boiled), and toast – I really don’t like to stray too far from there (sure, pancakes are ok).

My wife loves to discover and experiment with new foods. Anytime a new restaurant opens, she’s excited to go and sample the menu. I, on the other hand, really just want to either eat bar food, or schlep to a chain restaurant that has steak, burgers, or crabs on the menu. Without a doubt, this frustrates my wife. I’ve gotten a little better over the years – for instance, I actually enjoy sushi to an extent (still, I’m hungry after eating sushi). I’ll give anything a chance, though.

With that said, here are a couple of things that I try to steer away from when picking a restaurant to go to:

* Any restaurant featuring anything braised, seared, or glazed. There’s a really good chance I won’t like it. I want the waiter to ask me how I want that meat cooked (medium, medium well, well done, etc.). I don’t want any other options. That’s just me, I guess.

* Any restaurant with a number as its name. For instance, a new restaurant named “19” opened in the city – that’s way too trendy and classy for me.

* If the restaurant name is a color that I'm not familiar with. See the above reason.

* If the restaurant menu features ham – good chance I’ll hate it. As many of you know, I have a ham anti-fetish.

* If the restaurant has some trendy decorations, like lots of curtains all over the walls. I think I feel suffocated with is layout.

* If the restaurant has entirely too many candles as the lighting, and I can't really read anything. In addition to not being able to read, I have trouble seeing what I’m eating (I need this!).

* If the restaurant is located in center city and has valet parking. Without a doubt, this type of restaurant did not have me in mind when it was created.

* If the restaurant has a strict dress code. Now, I don’t mind putting on slacks or Khakis, but I HATE eating food with a tie on.
* If the restaurant’s menu is in a language that I don't know. Good chance I won’t like very much on the menu with the exception of the bread.

* If the restaurant serves alcohol, but not beer. Way too stuffy for me.

* If the restaurant’s music consists of a live band consisting of violinists. Way too stuffy again. Plus, I feel like I have to be on my best behavior … and that’s way too much like work.

* If it takes more than an hour to get my food. I go to a restaurant to eat … not to sit there and get even more hungry.

* If the restaurant’s entrée' has more show than actual food. I’ve been to a couple of places in which it seems like presentation is more important than the actual quality and amount of the food on the plate. I’m sorry, but if I’m still hungry after I eat, that’s not good.

* If a restaurant’s chicken salad has grapes, apples or raisins in it. I’m very traditional with this – chicken salad was not meant to have fruit in it … end of story.

* If the restaurant opens for breakfast on weekends, but does not serve toast. This happened to me about 7 years ago in …. Surprise, surprise … Center City, Philadelphia. I ordered my breakfast and asked if toast was being served … the waitress gave me some sort of crazed look like I had asked her to was my scrotum.



These are just a few of my restaurant thoughts …

Another One Bites the Dust ...

The news came out a few days ago – the Philadelphia Spectrum, former home of the Philadelphia Flyers and Sixers … once titled “America’s Showplace” … will be demolished in 2009. Sadly, this is the last building that housed a major champion in Philadelphia (The Sixers in 1983, and the Flyers in ’74-75). I’ve seen some great events there – here’s a list of a few of them:

• Hockey – I got to see legends like Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux play my hometown team. I saw Philly legends like Bobby Clarke, Billy Barber, and even Pelle Lindbergh. Best of all, I saw them with my family.
• Basketball – I didn’t go to many basketball games, but I did see the Sixers vs. Celtics when Larry Byrd and Dr. J. were still playing, and I got to see Michael Jordan shred the Sixers in the playoffs one year.
• Concerts – No, I never got to see the Stones perform there, but I did get to see some shows, including Eric Clapton, which didn’t suck. I honestly can’t remember going to more than a few, because by the time I was regularly going to shows, the Center had already opened up.
• The Circus – I remember going to the Spectrum on a class trip to see Barnum and Bailey’s Circus. I remember being frightened by how high we were sitting, and how steep the stairs were … oh, and I also remember worried that the tight-rope walker would fall … he never did, though.
• Disney on Ice – This used to be a family tradition around Christmas time. I loved going to this … and no, I’m not gay. I was probably around 6 or 7 when we first started going. For some reason, we stopped – I guess it got too expensive … or maybe my parents feared I was getting too much in touch with my feminine side.
• Other things – I’ve seen the Philadelphia Bulldogs roller-hockey team, The Philadelphia Phantoms AHL hockey team, The Philadelphia Fever and Philadelphia Kixx indoor soccer teams, and the Philadelphia Wings indoor lacrosse teams there.

One thing is really sad about all of this (besides the memories). The entire landscape of the “sports area” in Philadelphia has changed so drastically since 1988, that there really won’t be anything left from back then – The Vet’s gone, JFK’s gone, and the Spectrum will soon join them. Seriously, one of these newer stadiums needs to host a champion, and soon!

Am I Making Too Much of a "Big" Deal About This?

You remember that movie, Big, staring Tom Hanks that came out in the late 1980’s? Outside of never understanding how Elizabeth Perkins got the leading role in this, I loved the movie. With that being said, something about this flick bothered me, but I never could figure out what it was … until a few weeks ago.

I was watching the ending of Big – you know – when Elizabeth Perkins drops Tom Hanks off at his mom’s place, and then as Tom Hanks is walking to the house, Perkins looks away, then looks back and sees the little kid that Hanks changed back into. It hit me – Perkins had sex with Hanks in the movie, right? So, Hanks was an adult, but not really, right? So, was Perkins actually having sex with a minor?

I’m actually surprised nobody really discussed this … or at least I never heard of discussions. I mean, the movie is ending, and Perkins kind of smiles as a tear rolls down her eyes, when she sees that Hanks is actually a kid. Geez, shouldn’t she be sh*tting bricks and throwing up on the dashboard at this point, saying to herself, “Oh my god, I just bumped uglies with Opie from the Andy Griffith show?”

On the other side, how does the young Hanks deal with the rest of grade school at this point? I mean, he just went from being an important executive at a toy store, to being an adolescent again. Sure, he’s probably got great stories to tell his other pimple-faced friends about baggin’ a babe, and making and spending all kinds of money. But, at the same point, the kid has got to be bored back in school, doesn’t he? I mean, he doesn’t have the bankroll or the babe anymore. He is no longer autonomous and is once again ruled over by his mom. And, finally, he can’t enjoy a fine alcoholic beverage legally anymore.

How about the company he works for? All of the sudden, he disappears without a sign. Wouldn’t there be a large manhunt for him? Don’t you think people would get concerned with the disappearance of a highly successful executive? Seriously, at this point, somebody needs to make a sequel to Big, so we can find out exactly what happens … there are WAY too many loose ends … oh, and sorry for ruining a movie for you guys and gals.

New Decice I Discovered

So, I was reading my Paste magazine a couple of weeks ago (and no, that’s not some kind of a porn mag – it’s a music magazine). One of the articles mentioned this “Slacker” portable music device. As some of you may know, I loves me some music, and any chance I can get to find new outlets, software, or systems that support great (and new) music, I tend to get interested.

Anyway, the magazine gave the Slacker high marks, so I decided to do some research. Folks, this music player is out of this world! Let me back up for one second. First, let me talk about the Slacker music site – it’s similar to I-Tunes, in that you can create a music library. It has a bunch of pre-created stations ranging from country, to rock, to folk, rap, heavy metal, standards …what I’m trying to say, it’s got a pretty good selection. Now, here’s the difference. You can play these stations, and rate that you either love or hate a song. If you hate a song, the station will never play that song again on your “site.” Basically, this means that it slowly customizes stations to your liking.

Another great feature is that you can create your own stations, with only the artists you want to hear. How cool is that? Obviously, I’ve already created a Rolling Stones, Electric Six, and new-alternative station. I even created a Madonna station for my wife. Again, it’ll play songs from these groups, and if you really like a song, you can vote to have it play more often, and if you really hate a song, you can have it “banned” from your custom station!

So, you can download this software to your computer, but you can also log onto Slacker at any computer and put in your username and password – it will “remember” the stations you created, and you can listen to them at any computer – how cool is that? And sadly, no, they aren’t paying me for this.

It gets better - Slacker created a portable player that you can download these stations to, in addition to adding MP3’s like a traditional MP3 player. What you do, is you plug in the portable player to your computer (or any WiFi access point), and you “load” the stations onto your Slacker. The Slacker will download something like 100 songs per station onto your player – you can refresh this every time you plug in the Slacker – so, the player will continually add new music to your player. Plus, you can vote on whether you like or hate a song just like you could on the website.

Best of all, the basic service is free … and for a free service, it is damn good! There is a premium service in which you get to skip an unlimited number of songs, make a music request to the “station,” and download songs you like from the station to your player – all for $7.99 a month – not too shabby.

Oh, I forgot to mention – the player has this huge video screen which gives information on the song, group, and album – even displaying the album art. It’s really innovative … something I-Tunes should probably jump on, eventually. Check out the site – www.slacker.com. At least, download the free player – you’ll thank me later!

I Hate To Do This, But ...

About a year ago, a Thai restaurant by the name of Buppha Thai opened up right up the street from us. My wife and I, always scouring for new restaurants, decided to give it a whirl – and we really enjoyed it. We told our friends about it, and I think some of those friends even went to it.

In April, we celebrated Schue’s (my wife’s) birthday. My brother and his wife, along with others, came up with a great idea – a “Taste of Delaware County” gift – which included gift certificates to Nora Lee’s (great Delco New Orleans style restaurant), The Frontier Saloon (hole-in-the wall, with some great beer on tap), and Buppha Thai.

A few weeks ago, my wife and I decided to order out, and we thought it would be a great time to use the Buppha Thai gift certificate. My wife called, and right before ordering, she mentioned that she had a gift certificate. The man at the restaurant tersely informed her that the restaurant is under new management, and will not honor the gift certificate.

No offense, but I think that’s bull-sh*t. I think that if you take over a restaurant, you should be also taking over and honoring any of the gift certificates that are still owed to the restaurant. First of all, it’s just good business, isn’t it? I mean, don’t you want to start off on the right foot without pissing off any existing customers? Second, something tells me there may be some legal implications to this (I think I’ll ask my brother’s wife to dig into this – she’s good with that kind of stuff).

My wife and I enjoy “mom and pop” restaurants, and will normally choose these over the chains (for many reasons). I try never to bury any of these places, but when I feel I’ve been screwed, I have no choice. I will never, ever eat there again, AND I’ll make sure that I tell everyone I know to ignore this place. The restaurant name is now called “Thai L’ Elephant, and is located on Mac Dade Boulevard in Folsom, PA. The website is: www.thailelelphant.com.

4th of July Weekend

Wow, what an exiting 4th of July weekend we had – it’s a shame it went by so quickly! I spent a good portion of Thursday night and Friday preparing wings and ribs for my brother’s barbecue/party on Friday afternoon/evening. The weather was great for the first few hours, but we ended up getting some rain on-and-off throughout the evening/night. We still managed to have fun.

The party was a good mix of family and friends, with a noticeable exception of one family member who seems to miss every get-together. Hey – his loss, right? My brother was a cooking machine that afternoon – I’m not sure how many hot dogs and burgers he cooked, but with nearly 60 people at the barbecue, I’m guessing it was a lot.

As the night moved on (and the rain became more steady), we moved the party inside, and of course the guys went to the basement and the girls sat in the living room. We ended up doing more drinking, and I think we’ve already come up with a DBT t-shirt idea for 2009, and a possible theme for this year’s Halloween party. Heck, if we would’ve drank a little more, maybe we could’ve solved the global warming crisis.

On Saturday, my friend Rich and his wife invited us to a barbecue at their house – which is on the fringes of Amish country in Philadelphia. It’s a bit of a ride, but we always seem to have a good time – this day/night was no exception. Again, more burgers and dogs, and Rich made some fantastic ribs as well.

It started off a little slow – I was still trying to shake off a headache/hangover from the previous night’s party. After drinking a few bottles of water and ingesting some food, I started feeling better. I decided to have a little “hair of the dog that bit me,” and the headache was gone. We threw horse-shoes for about 3 hours or so – I’d probably throw horse-shoes every day if I could (that’s why I continue to buy lottery tickets).

Our friend Brian should up with about $500-700 in fireworks, as well as some platforms he built for said fireworks. The man set this stuff up like he had a blueprint on how to do this. At one point, he asked me if I was a pyromaniac. My response was silence. He organized us and the fireworks into stations – he had a master plan and he was making sure we wouldn’t screw it up.

You know how to figure out if a man is serious about his fireworks? There are a number of ways – first, if the man is on a first-name basis with a fireworks shop in Elkton, Maryland, he might be serious. Second, if said man brings blow torches to light said fireworks, it’s probably become more than a hobby. Third, if said man builds fireworks launching platforms with hinges, he’s the real McCoy.

With all that being said, the fireworks display was amazing – it certainly rivaled many towns’ fireworks nights. I got to light some of these big fireworks, and let me tell ya – I can easily see how somebody could get into this. I think we had fireworks going non-stop for about 20 minutes – and the Amish were probably cursing us to high heavens. Oh well, all in a night’s work, I guess. Looks like I’ll have to buy some fireworks on the way to/back from the Outer Banks …

Baseball Outside of Philly????

Thanks to my college roommate, Mung, I have now had the opportunity to watch a Major League Baseball game in 4 cities – Philly, Cleveland, Baltimore, and DC (in looking at this, it’s not exactly the hub of major league baseball, but still). Last Sunday, Mung invited me down to take in a game in D.C. pitting the Nationals against the Orioles … they dub it the “Beltway Brawl.” I guess they’ve gotta market it somehow, considering neither team is much of a threat to reach the post-season anytime soon.

Anyway, I left my house (near Philly) at around 8:30 a.m., and amazingly made it to Mung’s house in Baltimore in less than 1 hour and 15 minutes (personal record). Mung’s wife was nice enough to drive us to the train station, so that we could get inebriated prior to the game. We settled on a place named “Clyde’s” in the heart of the restaurant/bar district in D.C. I enjoyed a few Yuengling’s and a Roast Beef Au Jus sandwich – Mung had some Mad Hat brews and a Buffalo Chicken sandwich. We chatted for a while, mainly making fun of the bartender. By the way, the Sunday morning bar tenders in the summertime are “chosen” because they aren’t very good, and this guy was no exception. He was telling customers jokes, but (a) the jokes sucked, and (b) his delivery was worse. We really couldn’t wait to get outta there.

We go back on the Metro to Navy Street – this is where the new stadium is located. Mung was amazed how how unrecognizable the place was – he had taken in a concert there a few years ago. All the dreck has been replaced by office buildings. The stadium itself was nice – a little on the non-descript side, but still nice. Food and drinks were overpriced (even more than Philly), and the Teddy Roosevelt mascot got to be kind of annoying (although the DC fans seem to LOVE him).

We had fantastic seats – first row in left-field, about 6 seats away from the foul pole. The only “slight” problem was that the temperature had gotten dangerously close to that of the surface of the sun, and the humidity was about 800%. I was sweating so much by the third inning, I was sitting in my own puddle. I got to the point that I was hoping somebody would either throw a bucket of ice water on me, or fill me full of lead.

We ended up watching the remaining few innings in the “Red Porch” bar – truthfully, it looked more like the snack bar at a local public pool. We watched the baseball game as well as the soccer game (damn those Germans!). Then, we took the Metro back to the bar area, and watched the second half of the soccer game at a bar called Fado’s – nice Irish bar, with the exception of all of the Spanish soccer fans. Do that many people really hate us Germans?

Anyway, we finished our beers, and got on the train back home – weary, tired, and a little buzzed still. When we reached Baltimore, Mung was happy to be home … I was saddened that I still had an hour-plus ride home. I ended up making it home around 9:00 p.m. – a long, but fun day indeed. Sadly, work beckoned on Monday … sigh.



D.C. Stadium ... Nice, but nothing to write (or blog) home about.


Teddy's gotta be rolling over in his grave, doesn't he?

Family Trip to Fortescue!

Beautiful morning at Fortescue!

Every year, my family (usually my cousin Trish and her husband, Neffer) plan a family bay fishing trip to Fortescue, “The Weakfish Capital of the World.” Sadly, Fortescue really hasn’t lived up to that reputation for at least 20 years, but still. We usually get about 10+12 family members and close friends to go on this trip, and usually catch something – whether it’s bluefish, flounder, sharks, skates, or sea bass – hey, like the old saying goes, “A bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work.”

Last year, we didn’t have quite as good of a time – the boat we normally take was kind of crowded, and filled with some questionable individuals (a.k.a., jerks). We decided that this year, we would actually charter the boat, which means, only my family and friends would be going on the boat – we hoped this would increase the amount of fish we would catch.

Just to backtrack a little bit, Fortescue sits on the Delaware Bay-side of New Jersey – not too far from the inlet. Many, many years ago, this was THE place to fish in New Jersey – my dad told me stories of packing the cooler with 30 or more fish, and having to actually throw back a bunch. He said, they were catching so many fish that he actually stopped fishing, because he was getting bored. I find that very hard to believe, as I’ve never experienced getting tired of catching fish.

The bay has been overfished, and with commercial fishing boats scouring the area, the fishing is nowhere near as good as it used to be. Still, we’ve had some moderately successful fishing trips in the past. We’ve done pretty well with flounder and bluefish, and on a few occasions, croaker and sea bass. Once in a blue moon (great beer, by the way), we’ll catch a stray weakfish (many of you may call them sea-trout), but usually, they aren’t keeper size.

Currently, the keeper size for flounder is 18 inches – this is a huge fish, by the way. I’d be VERY disappointed if I got a 17 ½ incher, and had to throw it back. Keeper weakfish go at about 13 inches, and bluefish, you can basically keep any size.

It was a beautifuly day on the bay, and even though we didn't "kill," we did pretty well. Sure, we only caught one keeper flounder - my brother hauled in a 21 incher (the captain hooked into one about that size, too), we had decent action all day. We also ran into a few bluefish schools, and were able to pull out around 20 or so. But, hanging out with close family and friends is always a good thing, and more than makes up for some slow fishing. I had a blast, and can't wait to do it again!

Enjoy some of the pics!

Since I started blogging about 3 years ago, I’ve found many great reasons to enjoy blogging. First, I’ve found some very creative and funny bloggers. I enjoy catching up on each of their lives, or just laughing at their funny posts. Second, I’ve discovered that I enjoy writing (blogging) – sure, I’m not a great writer, but that doesn’t stop me from blogging. Third, I find blogging relaxing and a great stress reliever, sometimes. I can blog about what’s on my mind, or situations that I’m going through, and get encouragement from my “blogging neighborhood). Which leads me into the discovery of another reason I enjoy blogging.

About a month ago (or more), I posted a blog about a person I used to be best friends with, and how we had a falling out about 5 years ago. We became friends working at the same pet shop when we were in high school, and ended becoming like brothers. Sadly, things fell apart between us, and things only got worse over time. You can read my post here (scroll about half-way down to the “Just something I need to get off my chest” posting) to get caught up on it.

I had no idea that this person even knew about my blog, let alone read it. I figured he’d probably put all of this crap behind him and moved on with his life – which probably got me even more pissed off (I couldn’t figure out how he could do this). Surprisingly enough (at least to me), he indeed read my blog, and created his own blog to respond to mine – you can find it here: Serenity. Please, if you take the time to read the blog, make sure to read my response to it.

He posted on my blog so that I could find his, and I was amazed. First, I was amazed that somebody would actually created a blog in response to something I wrote – like I said, I didn’t expect him to read it, let alone give a rat’s ass about what I had to say. Obviously, he still valued the friendship we had, enough to go out of his way to do this.

In reading his blog, I realized something … actually, I realized a lot of things. First, and foremost, I realized how different two people’s “truths” can be. I saw one side of a situation, yet he saw another. Here’s something else I realized – if you don’t confront something or someone and let things go, sometimes these things can go horribly wrong. Both of us probably should’ve sat down and talked about things IMMEDIATELY. We didn’t, and lost 5 years of friendship.

Back to his blog. I read it, and even though I was very upset with some of the things he wrote about me, I realized that he had a very different view of what happened. You see, this is what happens to stubborn people like me and him. I thought my viewpoint was gospel, and he did the same. The thing that really kills me is that we were far too good of friends to let something like the Tennessee incident (and other subsequent situations) end our friendship … but somehow, it did … until now.

After I posted my response to his blog, we began to communicate by e-mail, attempting to maybe salvage anything that may have been left of our friendship. We worked through a lot of the crap that had unfortunately grown over the years. We began calling each other (and no, we’re not gay) … and you know what – I’m am genuinely surprised (and extremely happy) that we’ve been able to begin rebuilding our friendship. It’s like an empty part of my heart has been filled again (again, I’m not gay). Once, I was able removed the stubbornness and rage that I had, I realized how much I missed his and his wife’s friendship. They meant the world to me back in the day, and I let something stupid get in the way. Nick, I will never let that happen again – I promise.

Have No Fear ...

I’ve always related to the underdog, ever since I can remember. Maybe it’s a product of growing up in a city where my professional sports teams are always considered the underdogs. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t the best soccer player growing up, or maybe it was because I wasn’t the tallest kid in my class (actually, much closer to the smallest). I’m sure both of these, along with many other untold “influences” always made me root for the underdog.

There was always a part of me that wanted to see the coyote catch the road-runner. He put in so much time and effort, and always came up short. This was also how I felt about Tom and Jerry. Just for once, I’d like to see that stupid cat catch that smart-alecky mouse. Tom always seemed to get the short-end of the stick.

Heck, I even let this tip over to cereal commercials. I was genuinely pissed that the Leprechaun could never get away from those pesky kids in the Lucky Charms commercials. No matter how elaborate his plans were, those brats always found him. Heck, I remember one time he even took a rocket-ship to the moon, and wouldn’t you know it –those kids were already there ready to steal his cereal.

Or, how about that Trix rabbit? Those kids would never share with him, always giving him some kind of lip service, saying “Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids.” Oh really? You mean, adults couldn’t even have these? Seriously? Well, since I seem to never forget stupid things, I remember once when the “fine” people at Trix did some sort of contest, asking kids if they wanted to see the rabbit eat Trix. Well, apparently, the response was overwhelming – kids voted that they DID in fact want to see the rabbit eat Trix. Sure enough, the Trix people did a commercial in which the rabbit finally DID get to eat a bowl of Trix … however, they threw everyone a curve-ball, by ending the commercial as if it was a dream – the rabbit actually woke up and realized he did NOT in fact get to eat any Trix. Man, was I pissed!

It even bled into the whole Charmin commercials. Remember Mr. Whipple? I certainly do … and I remember his plight, too. It was his JOB not to let those idiotic shoppers squeeze the Charmin, but those shoppers never, ever listened, and it really pissed me off. How dare those shoppers get in the way and prevent poor Mr. Whipple from doing what he got paid for! And it wasn’t like it was one or two shoppers – it seemed as if EVERYBODY had to squeeze those damn Charmins, seemingly oblivious to the signs that Mr. Whipple placed strategically all around said toilet paper.

Of course, there was really no point to this posting – I just figured I’d share.

Love and Hate

There are certain things of this Earth that I both love and hate at the same time. I was reminded of this whilst cooking some chicken breast on the Foreman Grill. God, I love the ease of cooking on the ol’ Foreman … but I absolutely HATE cleaning that thing. I know, I know – the science wizards have come up with a new Foreman Grill where you can actually take the grilling plates out and throw in the dishwasher … but at this point, I don’t feel like shelling any more money out to Mr. Foreman. Dude, I already have two of your grills – can’t you send me one with those grilling plates free of charge? Seriously!

I love driving my Nissan Altima, but man, do I hate washing and cleaning it. I do a thorough washing, vacuuming, and spray-cleaning the interior around once a month, and the car still looks and smells new … I hate doing it though. But, I feel worse when I don’t … I gotta thank my parents for instilling this German guilt in me.

I thoroughly enjoy the Scunci Steamer we have – it makes cleaning things so much easier. Unfortunately, I hate how fragile this thing is. We’ve had it for about two years, and it’s already broken. I really don’t feel like shelling out another $60 for another Scunci Steamer, but I miss steam cleaning … and no, I’m not gay.

I love weekends, especially in the summer time … but man, do I hate how quickly they go by. Case and point – we had a 3-day weekend this past weekend, but it didn’t really feel any longer than the normal 2-day weekends. I’m half-tempted to stop having fun on weekends just so they last longer … and no, I’m not retarded.

I’m a fan of Jeopardy, even though, for the most part, it makes me feel stupid. But, I really, really don’t like Alex Trebek even a little bit. He seems really pompous to me, and when he pronounces French and Spanish words, it’s like somebody is scratching a chalk board.

Any of you have any “love/hate” things to share?

Stoppage Time ...

• I was saddened by the death of Tim Russert … it’s not that I watched Meet the Press a lot or anything, but he seemed like a guy who was respected by both parties (a rarity). The good news is, if anybody wants to do a movie on Russert, Randy Quaid is a spitting image of the guy.

• I just heard a remake of 99 Red Balloons by another one of these Emo bands/flavors of the week – I think their name is Goldfinger – I normally hate these bands and the remakes they do, but this one was actually pretty creative, considering they used both the German and English lyrics in the song. Sure, it sounded like every other emo song out there, but still …

• Can’t wait for my cell phone contract to expire – less than 1 month, baby! My cell screen is basically a crap-shoot at this point – sometimes I get text, sometimes a white screen … this phone is about to pull a “Russert” on me … wait, is it to soon? I think we’ve narrowed the selection to staying with AT&T or going to Verizon … I really like that Verizon Glide cell phone.

• Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open, basically doing so with only one working knee … this guy is not only the best golfer ever, but he may end up dominating a sport like nobody else has ever done … but still, I’m getting sick of him. I think he’s becoming really arrogant … not that he has any reason not to (wait, is that a double-negative) – I mean, he has close to a Kajillion dollars, the second hottest wife ever (of course, my wife is the hottest), and an amazing house. He probably shits arrogance. Of course, I’m also always rooting for the underdog – like when I used to watch Wide World of Sports and would always root for Minnesota Fats to upset Willie Mosconi in billiards, but I digress …

• My friend Anthony got married this weekend, and despite the circumstances (read previous post) things went very well. It was a very elegant wedding and reception – the food was outstanding, and the weather was great. Everybody pulled together and made sure that Anthony and his family had a great time – I’m proud of everyone there. Schue (my wife) and I actually went down to Atlantic City Thursday night, and got a great room comped at Caesar’s, and really had a great weekend … shame it went by so quickly.

Rest in Peace, Julie

I had a whole other blog lined up today – but it will have to wait. I may have mentioned this before, but a close friend of mine is getting married this Saturday – I’ve known him since I was around 7 years old, and we’ve been close friends ever since. I was honored when he asked me to be in his wedding, and couldn’t wait for it – it promised to be a good time.

Sadly, today, Anthony lost his mom – she finally lost a long, hard battle with emphysema. Anthony texted me the news about ½ hour ago – I nearly threw up on my cell phone. I immediately called him and left a blubbering message, basically telling him I’m here for him if there is anything he needs. I feel sick to my stomach.

I can’t even imagine what he is going through right now, all the extra planning needed prior to the wedding – I’m not even sure what’s going to happen. I’m sure he feels helpless right now. I’m not sure if the viewing and funeral services will be done prior to or after the wedding. If I were in his shoes, I’m not sure how I’d be able to digest all of this right now.

Did I mention, I feel awful? This wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of his life, but how can that possibly happen now? I’ll do everything I possibly can to try and divert his attention, even temporarily, at the wedding. I’m just speechless – I don’t know what to say or do right now. He has great friends and family, and we’ll all help him and his fiancé in any way we can … it’s really all we can do at this point.

Dad ...

Dad, on your special day (no, this is not a Hallmark card ... yet), I wanted to give you thanks for all that you've done for me over the years ... I wanted to point out some specific things (indulge me!):

* Thank you so much for allowing me to watch The Three Stooges and Benny Hill when I was a young child looking for inspiration. My comedic hunger and thirst started then, and the appetite for it continues to grow (my friends probably won't thank you for this).

* Thank you for introducing me to fishing at a very young age - I remember you taking me to Crum Creek and allowing me to cast the line in for the very first time ... unfortunately, I also remember that first cast, and how my lure impacted itself into your jacket ... sure, you were mad, but you showed me how to do it correctly. I've been "hooked" on fishing ever since.

* Thanks for all those barbecues in the back yard, and allowing me to help you baste the chicken, and flip the burgers. Barbecuing is a now a staple in my life, and I'm actually pretty good at it.

* Thanks for fixing all the things I broke (and continue to break). I've never been able to figure out how you do it - it's one of those genes that never got passed on to me, but I appreciate everything. There's nothing that I broke that you couldn't fix.

* Thank you so much for taking an interest in playing sports with me. You allowed me to win just about every soccer game we played in the back yard, and ... well, sure, because of that, I wasn't able to accept losing very well (in fact, I remember crying for about 2 hours after my team lost the first tee ball game I played - I didn't think it was possible!). I have loved playing sports ever since.

* Thanks for introducing me to all the other sports, like baseball, football, basketball, and hockey. My wife probably doesn't thank you for this, because I can't get enough of this on tv. I remember watching the Professional Bowlers Association on ABC, announced by Chris Schenkel, and rooting against those "evil" bowlers like Marshall Hollman and Earl Anthony. I also remember Saturday evenings, and watching "Soccer Made in Germany" announced by Toby Charles ... I loved every minute of it.

* Most of all, thanks for being my dad. I couldn't imagine anyone who was more qualified to be my dad - and you did a great job. I love you, pop.

Now, what????

I’ve been a sports fan for nearly all my life. I’ve avidly followed all 4 major professional sports teams in my city, and even some of the minor ones … and believe me when I say that it’s really tough to be a fan of any of the Philadelphia sports teams, especially considering that none of them have brought the city a championship since 1983 – probably a topic for another blog post.

What I’m really concerned about is the “health” of the “big 4.” Think about it – each of them has had to deal with some sort of hardship or scandal over the past few years.

• Major League Baseball has been wrestling with the steroid/human performance enhancing drug situation – a problem that has jeopardized the integrity of the entire sport, a sport that relies heavily on stats and “magical” legendary numbers. Thanks to such players as Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and even Roger Clemons, not to mention the implicit encouragement by the league in the 1990’s, it’s hard to take the numbers and stats seriously anymore, let alone root for the “big-name” players without openly wondering how long they’ve been juicing up.

• The NFL has been struggling with the whole “Spygate” scandal in recent months, prompting many to wonder out loud if the New England Patriots ever legitimately won their three Super Bowls this decade. A potential government investigation could blow the roof off of this (probably not, though), but fans still have lost some faith in the game.

• Basketball is also dealing with integrity issues, as the NBA is in a struggle with a former basketball referee over an alleged gambling scandal. Just a few days ago, a particularly damaging story surfaced about the possibility of a few playoff games being “fixed” by NBA officials. Thankfully, the Sixers sucked in those years, so it didn’t affect the Philly team as much.

• The NHL emerged from a lockout a few years ago, and chose to sign a contract with a fringe “sports” network that many Americans are unable to even get on their cable systems. The league is dangerously close to becoming irrelevant, and expansion into cities where ice is only found in cold drinks has done its part in eroding the league’s “legendary” status.

Sadly, “sports” like NASCAR and the World Series of Poker have benefitted from this. Heck, even horse racing has grown in popularity in recent years. So, my question is – what needs to be done? Does the government need to take a closer look? Is there room for competition from upstart leagues the answer? Does anybody really care?

DBT Recap

I know there are some of you who are interested in DBT 2K8, and how it went (if we survived). Well, I’m happy to say that for the most part, it was another great success. Some bars really surprised us, while others disappointed … but that’s what it’s really all about, isn’t it?

We started at Trios Cold Cuts – it’s basically a deli that has a pub attached to it. It was actually stroke of genius to start there as (a) they have fantastic food, (b) said food provided a good stomach “lining” in preparation for a day/night of heavy drinking, and (c) the place served beer. Rolling Rock was the choice of yours truly, although I did have my eye on the Olde English.

After finishing our food/drink, we strolled across the street to Hunt’s Annex Lounge. The 3-4 regulars that had started their drinking at noon where none too pleased to see us … I’m guessing the lone bartender probably crapped his pants as well. Nothing really exciting at this place, other than a big fan used by some fat guys to eliminate their body sweat.

Our next stop was the Red Lantern – and we needed to take public transportation for the first time that day. The bar has really cleaned itself up …except for the shoddy bathroom. We played darts and Golden Tee, and then moved onto Uncle Snazzi’s. The place once again got the award for best/worst bar on the tour. No beer on tap, no napkins or food, and warm Jagermeister … that’s right, folks – the bartender gave me a shot after I bought a round of beer for the “team.” It went down like a bucket of nails. Sadly, this wouldn’t be the last shot for me.

We traveled to Dino’s, where I ordered some pretty tasty chicken fingers and fries. Some of the guys were playing quaits … I chose to sit back, watch some sports, and make fun of the other DBT team members.

We went to the Frontier Saloon to watch the horse race … at this point, I had enough alcohol in me not to care about the horses … the good news was that my billiards play had improved. The Milmont Inn was our second-to-last stop …. I thought at this point that my brother would probably not make it to Durty Nelly’s, our last destination … but he sucked it up and continued on.

At Durty Nelly’s, two older women were flirting with “Yon,” and it got pretty funny before it got nasty. Slant and I decided to call him “The Natural.” He shunned the one girl in favor of the other, and all hell broke loose. This one older lady was looking for a hookup, and Yon didn’t take her up on it. She freaked out on him, causing him to change locations at the bar. She then tried to hit on me, calling me “Big Boy.” My wife was there to make sure this “broad” kept her distance, thankfully.

All in all, a good night … not sure of the tally on who, if anyone puked.

My First Job ...

..I’m on a kick about discussing some of my previous jobs (in other words, I have writer’s block). My first real job lasted approximately 10 minutes – We went to this local restaurant for 8th grade graduation (we being me, some friends, and our parents). We – the kids, decided to apply for a job at said restaurant. Later that fall, I received a phone call – a lady from the restaurant informed me that I was hired (as a bus-boy), and that I should come in the next afternoon.

I was pretty excited and nervous at the same time … I was just going into 9th grade, and outside of helping my dad with his tool and dye side work in the garage, I never really did much outside of take the trash out or mow the lawn. I went in dressed in a white buttoned-down shirt and black pants, per the lady’s instructions. I walked in the door, announced to somebody that I was called in to work, and one of the bus-boys began taking me on my tour.

My first question (something I probably should’ve asked prior to accepting the offer) had to do with my hours. For some reason, I figured I’d work from 3-7, or 3-8 … I’m not sure where I came up with that number, but when they told me it was more like 3 to midnight, I almost swallowed my tongue. When the hell was I supposed to do my school work? What about the high school sports teams I wanted to play for? I didn’t let on that I was shocked by the hours, as the bus boy continued showing me around the place.

Basically, he showed me how to clear and set tables, and take the table cloths to the washing machines. It seemed pretty simple, so far. Then, he took me into the kitchen, where I would be dropping off the plates, silverware, and glasses. Maybe it was karma, just bad timing, or a combination of both, but as I walked into the kitchen, I saw one of the “chefs” drop a piece of meet on a really dirty floor (I’m assuming it was accidental), and then pick it up and throw it back on the grill like nothing happened. It made my stomach turn, as this was a restaurant I had enjoyed in the past.

I immediately knew that I would never be able to work there under any circumstances … ever. I told the bus-boy “mentor” that my mom was still outside, and I had to let her know that she could leave. The bus-boy felt that this was a reasonable excuse – instructing me that he would be in the kitchen when I got back.

My mom was still outside all right, but I wasn’t telling her to leave. Instead, I hopped in the car, and told her to drive me home –that the job really wasn’t for me. I think I had a hard time eating dinner that night … I think I may have even asked my mom if the meat had accidentally been dropped.

DBT 2K8

This weekend is a biggee – we celebrate our 4th annual DBT! What is a DBT, you may ask? Well, it is a bar tour/dive – we tell the bartenders of the bars we go to that it is either the “Delco Bar Tour” or the “Drunken Bar Tour,” but truth be known, it is actually the “Dive Bar Tour.” We started this annual adventure humbly 4 years ago – there were around 6 or 7 of us the first year. We took public transportation, Septa to those familiar with the Philadelphia area.

Four years later, we’ve blossomed … to around 10-12 people … ok, ok, maybe not blossomed, but to tell you the truth, the smaller crowd is a pretty cool thing. We still take public transportation, and this year with gas prices rising faster than Lindsay Lohan’s blood-alcohol level in a night club, we’re continuing to do our share to save gas!

The bars are, for the most part, real dives, but all have their own nuances. For instance, the Red Lantern has a Golden Tee machine, and no clientele (which means the bartender can focus on our drunk asses), Uncle Snazzi’s has no beer on tap, and uses napkins from the Wendy’s next door. Dino’s has a shuffle ball table and the men’s room is plastered with pictures of naked women. The Frontier Saloon is the local NASCAR hotspot, and has a picture of an Indian woman that “gets naked” every half hour. The Milmont Inn, or “Milmonster” as we call it, smells like the Tuesday after Mardi Gras in New Orleans all year ‘round. This year, we are adding Hunt’s Annex Lounge to the “tour.” I really don’t know what to say about the bar, except that I think it is cool that it has the word “Annex” in its name.

We tend to give each other nicknames during this bar tour. I’ve been lucky enough to have names such as “The Winner,” “Montgomery F. Blowfish,” and “Spittles.” I hope to add to this illustrious list! Last year, we ended up going back to my place and playing Guitar Hero … not an easy task whilst intoxicated. Then, we went back to another bar, and hung out with some really drunk chicks … one even showed me a “compromising” picture of herself that she took on her cell phone. I nearly lost all the beer I had “accumulated” throughout the day.

Here’s to more good stories and another successful DBT! Wish me luck!

A Missed Opportunity ...

Around 12 years ago, eager to try and get into the sports PR business, I agreed to take an internship with the Philadelphia Eagles (American football team, for those not familiar). I was excited – after-all, this was a team I had enthusiastically followed since being a child. I even ignored the fact that I wouldn’t be getting paid at all – the experience certainly would be worth it … at least for the short-term.

For the most part, I did grunt work – cutting out Eagles stories from the local papers, and faxing the stories to interested stakeholders … of course, this would’ve been much easier, had the internet been as advanced as it is now. I also wrote some stories and press releases which I really enjoyed, and was a liaison between the players and media who wanted to interview said players.

This, of course, meant that I frequently had to interact with the players … something I was initially excited about. However, many of the players didn’t give a damn about me, and quite a few of them were downright rude to me. Some of the main culprits were Ricky Watters (one of the biggest jerks I’ve ever met), and Charlie Garner – who didn’t seem to like anybody, including his own teammates.

After a few months of dealing with some of these divas, I couldn’t wait to get the heck outta there. Dealing with these players was more than a chore at times. However, not all were jerks – in fact, Rodney Peete and Ty Detmer were actually pretty cool to me, as was Michael Zordich, Irving Fryar, and Mike Mamula. But they were really the exceptions to the rule.

Rodney Peete had a holiday party for all players and staff right around Christmas time. By this point, I was so annoyed with the players that I decided not to bother going to this affair, even though I was sure it would be a good time. The Monday morning after the party, I walked into work and noticed that just about everybody had a framed picture of them with none other than Michael Jordan.

I walked by the first desk … it didn’t really faze me … I figured this person had the opportunity to meet him in the past. I walked by the second and third desks … they too had pictures with arguably the greatest basketball player of all time. Now, I was concerned – I hadn’t seen these pictures on the desks before. I asked one of my coworkers, who proudly explained that Jordan had been a guest of William Fuller’s at the party – apparently, the two have remained close friends since their days at North Carolina, and since Jordan was in town to play the Sixers, he agreed to come to the party … and to also have his picture taken with …. EVERYBODY THERE! Yep, leave it to me to miss out on this opportunity. Of course, that just seemed to be my luck when I was interning with the Eagles … how cool would that have been to get a picture with M.J.?

Gettin' Catty ...

My friend Ray-Ray and his wife went to the casinos yesterday – they asked Rich and Anita to babysit their boxer, Merfy. Ray-Ray got this dog off of Craigslist, which still astounds me – he got Merf at about 8-9 months old – apparently, the previous owners got tired of dealing with this hard-headed pup. Don’t get me wrong, Merf is quite a good looking Boxer, but Ray-Ray has his hands full (as an aside, Ray-Ray is very, very good at training dogs – as can be seen by his other Boxer name Steve who is about the nicest, friendliest, and most obedient dog in the entire world).

So, Rich and Anita are babysitting Merfy – and they make an interesting discovery – Merfy HATES cats … unfortunately, Rich and Anita own a cat. Merfy and the cat are in the midst of quite a fight, and Rich bravely steps in to try and separate them … unfortunately, the cat was so crazed by this point that it sunk its teeth into Rich’s arm, sending him on a trip to the emergency room.

Ray-Ray found this out this morning as he came to pick Merfy up … I’m guessing it wasn’t a very pleasant trip for the pup. Ray-Ray was understandably embarrassed by this and feels like crap, but we did get to talking about this – what if this cat bite ended up giving Rich super-human powers? I mean, this is how many comic book characters get their start, right?

What would Rich’s super hero name be – Pussyman, Mr. ‘Cat-ankarous’, The Feline, Kit-Kat, The Persian?

And, what would some of his superpowers be – able to spit radio-active hairballs up to 20 miles, nuclear spraying capabilities, the ability to scratch any villain’s furniture to a pile of string?

Stay tuned! Same Cat time, Same cat channel!